Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
Community /

Family & Caregivers Forum

Info
6,482 Friends
Filter by Topic
Family Relationships Support for Caregivers community space
Community calendar
Group chat
Ask questions, get support and make friends
Find a group chat
My communities
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
New subscribers
Create a New Thread
Gif Photo Link
SheepHei profile picture
In need of guidance.
by SheepHei
Last post
 5 hours ago
...See more I guess report talk/statements would save time. -Currently far from a not so great home to help my sister in California with here children. - Her husband is in the Navy not at all supportive with family matters that would help her. - My older sister currently juggling graduate school, three children (technically 4 including her husband.) Doctors visits for two of her children, and always putting herself on the back burner health and mentally for them. - Our father died this past year. I handled a great deal of his care. -My middle and older sister helped as much as they could and when I was struggling sent me here to less help but relax. -My older sister could only be there through WhatsApp to say good bye to him. Her husband wouldn't let her go days before because he said she had responsibilities to her family and didn't want to take days off to watch the kids while she went home. Despite having multiple days of leave he could take. - While visiting and helping her for a month I witnessed first hand him being unhelpful and hash with her and the girls. -Two nights ago things started to get heated between us. I saw my older sister crying very badly...while he was making her seem emotionally unstable and making himself seem like a dutiful husband willing to do anything to help. - I messed up got upset and me and her husband had an argument in front of the young babysitter and his three children. Despite me constantly trying to get him to take it outside away from them or to get him to stop. He continued to yell, curse (mostly say "Get the f-out of my face and out of his house.) Not just his house but now guess he is saying it is. -He almost said f- my mother, his mother, didn't care about the children hearing and crying seeing this, that my sister when she got home could leave too. - He also during the augment pushed me and threatened to call the police to drag me out while my sisters were on the phone. (Which the way he was smiling and laughing when he said it made it seem pretty sinister like knowing if he called something very bad other than jail would happen to me. -I didn't touch him the entire time but he pushed me...Luckily I didn't fall. Then later texted that he left because he was afraid of what he would do next. - My sisters convinced me to walk away and leave the house for my safety especially since the babysitter was really understanding and didn't leave until my sister got home. Wouldn't blame her if she didn't come back though...or wouldn't want to be alone with him and the girls again. -My sisters don't blame me they apologized and said that he was in the wrong. -But my middle sister is more blunt not in a mean way but factual. My older sister can't just leave...that I have made it harder for her in ways, and that I shouldn't have let him bait me into that argument. -I feel horrible for my sister and her children having to deal with the mess I made. - I'm fighting the urge to just apologize and ultimately say he was right and I was wrong just to make things less difficult for her and the girls. I'd also be able to stay longer like I planned and help her during his two year deployment (he's a office worker and they need more bodies at another ship so he will be across the country for that time. -Also knowing that he will be gone that long he spent all his time off during that time playing fifa, looking at his phone, cooking for himself, begging my sister to sleep with him before leaving (reason she's apprehensive is because recently they went out on a date where he said she should try to get over and past her father dying...it has even been a year since he died mind you. Also said he wouldn't let bad things happening to him effect his mood towards others...her grieving her father who she was extremely close to. He is also extremely close to his father and bit her head off for making a comparison to how he might feel if his father died.) I feel terrible and don't know what to do any advice is appreciated. Thank you. Anyway that is a really long highlight reel of what transpired. Honestly, it may not be the worst day but it's definitely to five.
decisiveSpruce7079 profile picture
breakdown from my slow eater brother
by decisiveSpruce7079
Last post
 2 days ago
...See more yeah, i'm still not done with this. my brother is a slow SLOW eater. as in simple meals would take him 3 hrs. is anyone else dealing with this too right now? it's not like he can't eat at a normal pace some times. just 3 days ago, he downed a bread in under 1 hr. but in some cases where he's slow, it'd take him 3 hrs. i don't get it truly. i packed him ham and cheese sandwich for school since that's what he's been requesting all week. you know the ending? he took 1 bite of if at school and finished the rest at home in 3 hours. he's saying that he can't control it whatever. and while i do not ignore his feelings, i can't help but genuinely wonder why??? and how??? it's just so frustrating because on "slow days", a simple bread would take him 3 hrs. but if it was on a "good day", it'd take him 45 mins. i just want to understand what goes on his head. everyone around him eats fast, so his environment shouldn't have been the one affecting this?? even his friends questioned why he was this slow. i am also just super worried for tomorrow because his breakfast will be a burger sandwich. and since today didn't go well, yeah i'm expecting the worst. i just need calmness but i can't take this anymore.
Mit2019 profile picture
Don't believe when listener say i am there
by Mit2019
Last post
 2 days ago
...See more I kept telling them don't say I wil be there for you . But he kept saying. N after some days he ghost me. Why listener do this.  Why people don't understand they r making someone life more miserable 
PeggyMeghan111 profile picture
Family
by PeggyMeghan111
Last post
 2 days ago
...See more My mum and my siblings are the one supposed to care for me but whenever I ask for help they are not able to support me
intellectualDime5275 profile picture
What am I doing wrong?! Am I doing too much?
by intellectualDime5275
Last post
 2 days ago
...See more Trigger warnings: contains discussions of addiction, sexual assault, pornography    Background:  I am a 41 yo divorced mom of one. My son turned 18 in the spring and graduated HS with good grades.  He is incredibly smart, AuDHD and struggles with impulse and addiction issues (specifically around porn) Because of this addiction and impulse control issues I dealt with constant lying, manipulation, extreme boundary violation's (ex watching corn on my bed using my computer while I was in the bathroom). He was caught on camera at school forcing a girl to touch him inappropriately.   Because of the lies and behavior I made it clear that he could not live with me after graduation until he took steps to change.   I had tried everything his therapist suggested, I tried everything that I could to get him to just be accountable for his actions.   He saw a psychiatrist who specialized in help for kids and young adults with addiction and sexual impulse issues.   As soon as he turned 18 he decided he was cured of it all and I found out recently that he stopped taking his meds.   Since he graduated high school, he has been living with my parents and taking online courses   I am paying for those courses as long as he maintains his scholarship that covers more than 80% of his tuition. With that promise, he gave me permission to access his Google and school accounts (for observation and accountability purposes)  This week we had to take a long round trip, 14 hours in the car. We left at 1 am and when my son got in the car I made it clear that GParents rules still apply (no device after 1am)    He says they dropped the rule and I told him I noticed his online activity was extending into the early morning hours, but I would not be waiving the rule. We talked about some things that related to school and the way that he is communicating with his GParents and me is causing confusion and issues.   I dropped him off at my parents house at the end of the trip and encouraged him to communicate honestly (w/ me, my parents, his psychiatrist) and to be more active in his own education.   Later in the evening I contact my mom and say. Hey Son said you dropped the phone rule, is that true?   Mom replied that they had not and asked if I knew about something.  So I shared that I had looked at the last 5 days and all but 1, he was using it to as late as 7am. I remind her and my dad this isn’t the first lie he’s been caught in and he isn’t being honest about his treatment with the psychiatrist, or with me and them.   The lying started within days of moving in with them and this is the pattern that I had been trying to address for 4 years before he turned 18.   My dad says looking at his usage and history is disrespectful and an invasive.  When I remind him that my son gave me access to it for this exact reason, my dad then says that my mom was wrong about the rule, they trusted him, my son didn’t lie and he didn’t do anything wrong (but he will be held to account for using his phone after 1am).   By the end of the conversation I was in tears and I was not being heard. I finished it off with, honest communication is not happening with anyone in my son’s life - me, my parents or his psychiatrist and he’s not taking any accountability for his actions (and inactions in school).   If he cannot communicate honestly or take accountability then he is just going to cycle through the same behavior again and again until he destroys the whole relationship    Agree to honesty, accountability - slowly and quietly break agreements until impulse gives way and he gets caught- blame the agreement - blame the other parties - agree to be more honesty and accountability.  Rinse and repeat. Lies ranged from minor (homework, deodorant) to serious things that had some serious consequences. Before he was 18 rules for my house were not crazy  - no porn in public areas of the house(allowed in his bedroom), no phone 90 minutes before lights out, and he set his grade expectations for his classes each semester.  Lights out was based upon reasonable expectations (usually between 10:30 and 12:00 on school days).  If he breaks the rules to watch porn in the living room, he would have restrictions on access to electronic devices in the living room.  So if he was playing on his computer or phone we could monitor his activity.  He got caught looking at porn at school, so we had to restrict all content on his phone to PG13 during school hours.  Restrictions were imposed but mostly temporary and were lifted for him based on modeling positive behavior. Tl;dr: I feel like I’ve been reasonable in my parenting, and sometimes lenient for the situation, but the most reasonable person I know just called me invasive and disrespectful to my son.  Have I been doing too much, am I wrong?  I feel like just walking away from this and not supporting the school accountability system we had, but that feels awful and like I’m abandoning my son.   I want him to succeed but I also know if he doesn’t change, he’s making it harder to do that, if not impossible.   
brightDime6765 profile picture
Am I Wrong for Wanting my Own Life?
by brightDime6765
Last post
 3 days ago
...See more Hey. Am I Wrong for Wanting my own life? As the oldest kid my parents are always wanting me to take care of my younger siblings. To the point where I have almost no life outside of my house.  My day consists of waking up, getting ready for school, waking up my siblings, getting them ready for school (which 90% of the time involves some sort of argument with them fighting or them not wanting to do what I say bc they dont want to listen to me bc I don't have authority). Then I go to school. I go pick up my siblings. then they do homework and that normally consists of me arguing with both of them to do their homework and them not doing it and playing game on their computers. then I make dinner and somehow manage to shower and all that stuff in after I clean up the kitchen and do dishes and clean the living room from all the toys from the 2 year old. then I wake up and do it all over again.  and you'd think weekends is break time. no my parents are home and yet I still have to take care of them and my siblings. its one thing to help but what I'm doing isn't help. I'm so tired but everytime I explain it to my parents they for some reason don't understand and say I'm being selfish. 
DoveryGuy profile picture
Am I a spoiled only child?
by DoveryGuy
Last post
 Monday
...See more Hi! I'm 16 years old. I struggle with ADHD, autistic spectrum, depression (Unspecified), OSDD, BPD and C-PTSD. I grew up with a really rough childhood. My mom got me when she was 15 and she had to let my grandparents raise me. To be honest, I think I was a really cute baby.. but I feel ashamed knowing my face looks like no one in my family except my dad.. (absent) I despise him and it makes me despise my face. I hate knowing my mom's genes is not even visible. As a child, I barely got anything I wanted. A few food, play time, friends. I raised myself with a TV screen. When my grandparents have to go elsewhere, Sometimes.. I would be locked in the house with only one meal (I was 5-10) or they would leave me with my cousin (1 year older), she later groomed me and.. SA'ed me many times to the point I thought it was normal and developed hypersexuality later in life. Recently, I've been doubting myself and questioning my worth a lot. I'm an only child with only a mom and aunt. We're pretty close but.. not that much. I always feel selfish and spoiled for wanting so many things.. like a PC and video games knowing our family struggles financially but those things are the only things that give me true happiness.. which is so out of reach. I don't force my parents to buy them but the thought of wanting makes me feel bad about myself. I want so many things in life. I want too much. I want my life to be easier. I want to be able to play what I want to play. I want a new phone since the one I use right now crashes every game I try to play.. it's just... frustrating. I feel selfish.
emotionalMaple2436 profile picture
My moms health issues and overwhelm
by emotionalMaple2436
Last post
 October 24th
...See more ------------------------- I don't really make support type of posts, but I feel like this forum might be a good space where I can share whats going on and maybe even if I still won't have the solutions some people will understand maybe through experience too whats going on.  I'm 17 right now. Living in a boarding school mostly. My moms been having some serious health issues we don't know for sure whats going on but she has severe worsening chronic pain and frequent high blood pressure. Shes also slowly seems to rely on temporary painkillers more and more. And has no insurance.  We have a big family except it isn't really together. My dad works too and I kinda became the only one who could actually do something and the relatives kinda pressure me I should too. In my country emergency room visits are completely free with or without insurance. I'm trying to get her go to the ER, its in the same city where I study I'd go with her. But she doesn't really want anything.  I'm worried what will be, but on the other hand even if its selfish to say, I'm overwhelmed too. In my whole life its been a pattern that I had to get her take care of herself. And I'm not saying I don't want to do anything. I do, but I don't really know what. And I'm trying to build my little life too though it feels like the walls are only getting bigger, trying not to fail in school, manage myself too, and even to get back to school I had to fight, with my her and my dad. Real reason was their poor financial management. The fact I went back also feels and is selfish, but I'm in it since 3 years. This year and another one it would give me an official degree I can start a life with. 
honestVase6763 profile picture
I am the wife of a T1D and it's destroying me
by honestVase6763
Last post
 October 13th
...See more Hello all, I know I'm a terrible person for this. But I no longer want to be with a diabetic man. He's wonderful when he's in a good place but that is only 5% of the time.  I also must have a huge personality disorder because I get furious u have to worry about him in a way he never has to worry about me.  I have mental illness but one day during one of his rage episodes he told me that my breakdown didn't matter.  No matter how much I try, thinking of being in constant fear and being with someone so weak is a turn off. Especially when my issues don't seem to matter. I know I'm horrible no need to remind me about that. 
sympatheticSail7057 profile picture
Financial hardships
by sympatheticSail7057
Last post
 October 6th
...See more I am only 30 and i think i have struggled more than I should have. being the main provider for your family while battling mental illnesses is ***. I tried to do everything right, I studied even studied further but still i cannot find a comfortable life, let alone a job. My credit score is super low because I have to rely on payday loans to feed my family. I am so tired 
fossilfellow profile picture
My dad had surgery today.
by fossilfellow
Last post
 October 5th
...See more My dad had angioplasty done few hours ago he had been feeling pain around his chest area and my elder sis took him to the doctor this morning. He'll be under observation for two days in the hospital. I hope everything will be okay 🙁💚
dynamicHemlock1736 profile picture
Do you ever grow out of being super fragile around your mother
by dynamicHemlock1736
Last post
 October 4th
...See more I am 23 years old and I have had so many experiences and had to grow up so early in many ways and all my friends see me as super composed and grounded and confident. But when it comes to my mom, and what she thinks of me, I am so scared that I will never grow out of wanting her approval and her to love me. And I know to an extent it's normal but when it comes to my mom I am just so fragile. And it's destroying me mentally because when she tells me mean things it just gets to me on such a different level. So I am asking, anyone who is adult enough to answer, do you ever grow out of that? I dont know how to fix it. 

Family & Caregivers

Welcome to Family & Caregivers! This is a supportive space to share your thoughts and experiences.

“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other,”  Richard Bach.

 

What are the different forum topics for Family & Caregivers?

Community Space: A place for introductions, icebreakers, games, community check-ins and discussions.

Family Relationships: A place for you to discuss all things relating to family relationships.

Support for Caregivers: Are you a caregiver? Get support and guidance here!

 How can I help?

You can help us by simply responding to threads and sharing your story (if you're comfortable). Check-in with us, join a discussion, or start one! Alternatively, you can join us as a Forum Leader. Check out this thread for more information.

 Helpful Threads

Taglist: Do you want to stay up to date with our community? Then join our tag list to be notified whenever there is a new discussion or update within the community!

 Family & Caregivers FAQ

Q: Are there any sub-community-specific guidelines that we need to adhere to?

A: You can find Sub-community-specific guidelines below, which you should follow in addition to the general forum guidelines.

 Help! I still have a question! 

If you need help, feel free to contact a community leader or post here, and someone will contact you!


Community Guidelines

Guidelines Specific to Family Support Community

1) Be polite, and non-judgmental - Everyone has a different idea of what a "family".  No two families are alike, so please be open-minded and supportive to everyone who shares here. 

2) Please use appropriate language for all ages - This community supports both teens and adults.  Curse/cuss words will be removed from posts.  

3) Some topics may be triggering - If you find a topic here triggering please step away and take a moment of self-care. We try to be inclusive and discuss a wide variety of topics so there will be something for everyone.

4) read  the 7 Cups Forum Guidelines before sending your post  

 

Read the 7 Cups Guidelines
Community Resources

 Family Stress https://www.7cups.com/family-stress/  

Domestic Assault https://www.7cups.com/domestic-assault-survivor/  

Questions & Answers https://www.7cups.com/qa-family-stress-23/    

Financial Stress https://www.7cups.com/qa-financial-stress-26/  

Sleeping Well https://www.7cups.com/sleeping-well/   

Group Support Chatrooms Group Support chatrooms 

Family Forums https://www.7cups.com/forum/FamilySupport_191/