Someone who never existed
I was in a vulnerable place, feeling lonely and looking for friends online, especially on social platforms. That’s when I met a woman from Slovakia. She was looking for designers and developers for her project, couldn’t pay until it made a profit, but I agreed anyway thinking at least I’d have someone to talk to.
At first, she was warm and welcoming. She’d chat with me daily, even while busy, and I felt we were building a friendship alongside the project. I worked on her designs and web application, but when the work was nearly done, her tone shifted. She said she was “busy” but still regularly called another teammate who was still actively working. I realized our connection was tied to my work, not me as a person.
When I asked her about that, she accused me of “blocking everything” and preventing the project from making any money. That message broke me. I had a blackout that evening and ended up in the hospital. After recovering, I left the project, handed everything over, and told her I didn’t want payment.
That night, she reached out, said she cared, referred me to a therapist, and asked me to return. I believed her, but later realized she needed me for more work. I pushed myself, often working late nights and 2–3 days straight, to finish everything with full documentation and automations so she could run it without me.
When I was ready to leave for good, I sent this closure email excerpt:
“I can’t keep working in a space that feels transactional, especially with someone I once felt such a good connection with. If you can ever see me as a person, not a resource, I’m open to genuine friendship. If not, I respect that. I’m leaving knowing I was real with you one last time.”
Two days later, she replied focusing on her life changes, saying she didn’t feel she had changed, and steering the conversation back to project work and the backend. She didn’t acknowledge my feelings and just asked me to decide if I’d continue.
That’s when I sent my final goodbye:
“All I needed was something human 'Vijay, I see you. Something might have gone wrong. But we’re gonna be good friends from now on' Just those words… no explanations, no technical outlines, no guarded replies. That alone would’ve lit something in me. I would have built and fixed everything, without even being asked. Instead, I got justifications and project urgencies. Maybe we were never building the same thing. I was building friendship, you were building output. Neither wrong, just never in sync. I’m stepping away completely not in anger, but acceptance.” and I emotionally ended that email with a signature - Someone who never existed
Her reply to that emotional exit email ? Everything is dismissed. Another request for a last call or a recorded walkthrough so she could use what I built, followed by a list of technical issues she wanted fixed.
In the end, I felt unseen just a resource, switched on and off when convenient. That realization hurt more than any technical challenge I faced. I had invested not just my skills, but my heart, and that was never acknowledged. This will remain as one the biggest scars in my life and a trauma that will haunt me in future projects.
90 days of hard work into this project, driven by passion, a clear goal, and the fulfilment of helping a friend reach her dream. I pushed through late nights on just 3 hours of sleep, took time off from my own job, and even learned an entirely new tech stack I’d never touched before, just to make it all work. In the end, I handed over something worth thousands of dollars… for free. And only later did I realise I’d been giving my all to the wrong person. What I walked away with wasn’t gratitude, it was heartbreak. 💔
@vijaydodla
I am sorry you fell for someone who wanted you to work and advance them and used you by pretending the connection was more. this is hard and you may be questioning your radar in any future friendship.
I think by your story you saw red flags of always turning it to work talk. i get that you wanted a real connection she wanted a work type network to launch her ideas.
@toughTiger6481 Exactly. If she had been purely transactional from the start, I would have kept my boundaries. But she was liberal, warm, and showed care and compassion whatever the reasons and even encouraged me to open up and share anything. So I did, expecting a genuine friendship. Later, it turned out differently, which affected me a lot, but I didn’t want to interfere with her business needs, so I stepped back quietly. I only hoped for one genuine response from her in the end, but she remained the same. So I left with an emotional goodbye.
What really stings is that her reply to my exit email was only about some backend fixes, without acknowledging anything I’d shared. That deeply pinches me, haunts me, and depresses me because I realize I invested emotionally in the wrong place and in the wrong person. Honestly, I’d also grown attached to the code and modules I developed, and leaving all that behind with her feels bad now.
@vijaydodla
💔 I can feel how heavy this must be for you. You gave so much, your time, skills, and trust, thinking you were building a friendship 🤝. Then to find out she was only interested in what you could do for her, not in you as a person… that’s deeply hurtful.
📩 You even reached out to her, telling her how you felt, and instead of hearing you, she kept asking for more help. And to know you ended up in the hospital feeling so alone… that breaks my heart 💔. No one should feel like they have no one to relate to.
I understand that longing for connection. At my job, I’ve felt that same ache, wishing for someone I could just take a break with, talk to, and feel loved, wanted, and appreciated for who I am, not just for what I can do. 🫂
🌱 The truth is, it’s not excusable what she did. But I also believe it’s still possible to form real connections online. I once had a friendship that lasted 10 years (on and off) with someone from Istanbul. We met each other’s needs, there was no judgment, and it felt good to have that mutual acceptance.
🌟 You are more than your skills. You’re a human being who deserves respect, care, and friends who value you for you. The right people will want to be with you, not just use you. Please hold onto that. You matter. 💙
I don't know what to reply but I can't stop crying while reading your lines. Someone has truly saw me and my long enduring pain in those few lines I posted above. Thank you so much for those kind and beautiful words @Kharolful. It means a lot to me in this stage 🙏🏻❤️
sorry to hear that. Hope you're my friend, worth to be heard and worth to keep. I am familiar with the feeling of being taking for granted or taking advantage. But anyways it's a life lesson, Hope you can heal soon.
@Uncertain20 Thank you for those kind words.. I wish to have a friend like you too. I'm healing now. Thanks to 7cups and all you wonderful people
It's horrible that you went through this hurtful experience especially when you feeling raw already. I know it wasn't the outcome you wanted but at least you spoke your truth and got some sort of closure, that was important too.
If there is anything to be learned, take that and leave the bad behind. Just remind yourself I'm worthy of true friendship and respect and I won't accept anything less :)
@ScrabbleBrain Thank you for those encouraging words. Yeah learnt my lesson and never gonna repeat that mistake again. Hope to find that true friend soon 🙂
Rather than repeat the essential messages posted by others here, I will leave you with this:
It is wise to keep one's professional life & personal life separate. I mean that strictly...not just as in "don't date coworkers"--that's a given--but for any kind of relationship with depth. The one time I broke this rule, it did not turn out well...to put it mildly. If someone where you work starts getting personal, encouraging you to "open up", etc., (s)he either does not know the rule (& will get into trouble at some point) or is trying to use you for his/her own ends--as you found out. If coworkers like to go out for a few drinks in the evening, do not join them. Your coworkers are not your buddies.
Personal & professional separation shouldn't be a boundary; it should be a 20-foot high brick wall.
Capisce?
I agree to that completely. But the scenario is we met on *** as friends first and the project came later. I was only supporting her and this is not my workplace or she's my coworker to clarify.
We started as friends, proposed a project, I agree to support her... Work went on... Change from friends to transaction mode .. realized... Completed everything.. documented everything for future developer .. and left
I agree with you . Thank you for writing and those bitter truths 🙂
What happened was so wrong . . I hope you are keeping fine . It's okay we all go through pain in our lives ð¥ºbut we should learn from it and be more stronger ...I know it's not easy but not impossible also .. please takecare of yourself and stay away from people who gives you pain instead of love ð¥º....
Completely agree. Thank you so much for those kind words @organticPeace9108 😊
I think it's her nature that she did that thing...but don't place so much trust on people u meet online they are not the real ones they use u and that's what their agenda is....once their motive is fulfilled then they might treat you like they don't know you...I am looking for friends also...and I had been through the same stuff so I refrain from making friends online now
I don't blame her for what happened. I should have been clear and conscious..where I actually was in an emotionally overwhelming situation. It happened. Lesson learnt . And healing now.
Thank you for those kind words @reservedClementine3978 😊
I don't blame her for what happened. I should have been clear and conscious..where I actually was in an emotionally overwhelming situation. It happened. Lesson learnt . And healing now.
Thank you for those kind words @reservedClementine3978 😊
@vijaydodla
Sorry you had to go through this.
It resonated with me in someways, I feel your pain.
I had been in a similar position with giving knowledge of home repair and automotive repair to a woman and that’s all she saw in me. I sent her a gentle note to say I was stepping away and all I got back in her reply was all about her and no acknowledgment of me.
It’s unfortunate that you have to deal with the heartbreak and pain of not being seen for the person you are and it’s hard I know. Even months after I am still trying to heal.
Hope you recover and move on easier than it was for me.
@braindamag3 I feel that.. what happened to you...And thank you for sharing it here... It makes me feel that I'm not alone in this. I'm recovering and thanks to 7cups and the wonderful people like you here 🙂
Hey, I am so sorry for your loneliness. I am lonely too and currently searching friends, mostly offline though, because I had bad experiences with online connections. I had the same algorithm "we are working together on passion project or sharing a hobby and slowly becoming friends through that". I noticed that some people want to make friends and interested in me even more, than in project, from the start, and some don't. Well, they probably have their own reasons, and they don't owe me connection just because I like them and do things for them. I try to handle feelings like resentment and disappointment by thinking that actually these people inspired me for a while, and gave me strength to do things I didn't expected of myself, and made me more likable to other potential friends. Even though I see this is not working out as I preferred too and they are not as invested as I am, it was a great moment. With this gratitude it is easier to slowly stop investing so much in someone and still feel inspired to try with somebody new.
You made a great project, you learned new skills, you helped someone. Nothing wrong with that. You behaved as good person, just take better care of yourself next time.
Aaand yeah, I didn't mean be grateful to her personally, she seems like kinda ***.) But, you know, you can be grateful to yourself and your strengh to go through that, and to nice feelings you had before you learned she is using you.
@AlexandraRound Thank you.. Don't wanna blame her.. It happened and I realised my mistake in that. Lesson learnt 🙂
I'm healing and coming out of this with all your love and support
@AlexandraRound Thank you so much for this very kind and thoughtful message. It's rare to hear from someone who understands that specific kind of loneliness and the hope we put into a shared passion. It genuinely means a lot to me that you shared your own experience with me.
I agree with you completely that we have to protect ourselves and be more discerning. I also understand your approach of finding gratitude for the inspiration.
Thank you again for your kind words. Your empathy is truly appreciated.
