Whole world shattered
Hello, I am newly active on here. I am 36 and my whole world was shattered when I traumatically learned of my husbands sex/escort addition almost 2 years ago. He has been actively working on recovery in several ways, and so have I. I have been isolating because this is not something I want to share with friends or family. I have seen progress and still love him, but am not sure the marriage is sustainable. The last thing I want to do is give up on him or us, but I am starting to understand that I deserve to be happy, not just surviving. Now that the shock and pain has worn off, I am at the stage where I am trying to find self-worth and make rational decisions on next steps. I have just been stuck in this in-between phase and do not know what to do, so I do nothing but wait and see.
@rp89
That's alot for you to take in.
And it's completely understandable how this must have hurt deeply.
And shocked you to the core.
It's alot for you to work through.
And you deserve to heal and process because it was done to you.
It's great he's taking accountability, and that he's doing the work now, but the next decisions need to be yours and what makes you comfortable or not 🩷
I’m 55 and learned about my husband’s betrayal in 2023.
Like yours, my husband is also trying very hard to change and return to the man I married. I like the way you put “surviving”, which is how I felt for a while.
I started investing in myself- exploring new activities and joining safe things (book clubs, golf club, hiring a gym trainer, rollerskating lessons) to expand my interests and social network in ways that maintain my integrity.
I’m VERY stuck in this in between stage. But I read something that helped. It’s ok to not make a decision in either direction while you take time to heal and grow into your new self.
This gave me permission to wait until I am fully healed before making any decision- so I could make a decision from a healed place.
I wish us both the highest best for our lives :)
I've come to the realization that if the bad out weighs the good, its time to find help in exiting. Being happy is hard after something like this. I actually don't know what happiness is anymore. My son makes me happy. I guess thats something
I’m new here too. I keep hitting the arrow to post accidentally. Anyway … my heart is going out to you and I wanted to let you know that you’re not alone. Yes! You absolutely deserve to be happy! I so support you in moving in the direction of what makes you happy. Baby steps. Feel your way little by little. I know for me, my rational mind will convince me to do things or not do things out of fear or habit or not wanting to rock the boat. I’ve learned that in between my rational mind and my heart is my wise self and I access my wise self by asking … which way makes me feel more relaxed in my body? What activity brings me a sense of relief or ease? Which direction feels expansive and like there’s plenty of room? Listening to my body, especially when I feel tense, anxious, like something’s not right, like I’m forgetting something … what feels better? What helps? After years of ignoring myself, I’ve been building trust with my quiet, inner knowing self. The more I listen, the more information I receive. I deserve happiness, compassion for myself, and a life with no secrets. I know you do too.
Be strong. You're strong. Hearts.