36 and still dealing with this😒
Hey guys. I’m a 36 year old female and once again I’ve found myself in an unrequited love situation. To give some background, I’ve never had a boyfriend despite being very social and having many friends. Throughout my life I’ve liked/loved about 6 guys, all of which have never liked me back. So now when I met this current guy at work I automatically went into it with the mindset of just being work friends. But then he began to really call me a lot (and I mean, a lot!!!) and we got closer and closer to now it’s the point I’m pretty sure I’m in love with him. Yet when I brought the topic up of us potentially becoming more than friends, he said he just wanted to stay friends. Wasn’t new for me to deal with this as I’ve said so I was ok to move forward as such, but he keeps doing and saying things that suggest otherwise. I mean we’ve never been intimate of even made out or anything, but the way he treats me and the things he says idk. I think I’m just tired of constantly finding myself in these situations and I think at this point outside insight may help. Whatever insight you guys can give I’ll appreciate a lot. Thanks in advance!!
In my opinion, love is a mutual feeling that takes a while to build and only happens once or twice in a lifetime so I’m not sure if you were “in love” maybe just infatuated? If you like someone, I would consider dating them first before even deciding if you love them or not to make sure you are compatible romantically. Just because someone is nice to talk to doesn’t mean they’re a good partner for you. Also, if you keep liking guys who aren’t into you, maybe consider going for different types of guys and perhaps consider therapy to see if you are unconscious seeking emotionally unavailable men for some reason. If you’re 36 and never had a boyfriend, then I’m guessing you’re looking for love in the wrong places. But it’s never too late to start working on yourself emotionally to see where you can improve. Best of luck to you and I hope you find the love that you are looking for!
I’m going to be blunt. You are too cool. You are too good of a friend that some of them may not have wanted to ruin the friendship. Maybe u come off as one of the guys. Are u a girly girl? Maybe set some boundaries. Don’t always be available when they need u or want to talk. Clearly state your intentions. Tell them
u have enough friends, u want to date or else all u can offer is being cordial. Start being selfish. If they can’t give you what you want, to hell with them.
@Takodatheplantlover hello, and thank you for sharing .
to be honest i don't think there will ever be a thread enough to discuss why some of us just didn't meet someone they feel comfortable to be with romantically, the thing is you will be surprised to know how many people in your age group and above who have never had a relationship too for all the reasons, sometimes we attract to the wrong type of people and sometimes we cant help but be attracted to the wrong type too, i know people who are the nicest people on earth but they have an issue with communicating, shyness. there is also cases of people who likes people too fast that they run away from them, some time we 'think' we are doing the right things but the fact is we just push people away .
in the end, i think you are a good nice person and you will be with someone who wants to be with you too, maybe not yet, i dont think you should worry about your age, we only get smarter by aging, if you feel more aligned with being intimate with someone and to trust them, then keep searching, and try to learn more about your self and what type of person makes you feel good about your self, stay as you are and dont change a thing . its sad to have to change who we are in order to be liked.
i recommend you research topics as attraction or emotional intelligence, see what the studies has to say about it ,and yes and of course i recommend counseling, most of time therapy helps us learn about ourselves and help us find answers.
i wish you all the best and be safe.