At my big age, I've never had a real long-term relationship
The last guy I talked to seemed respectable. He's attractive, 37, and an engineer. But within a few lines he had announced that he stopped paying his mortgage and lost his house, he has a failed business overseas, he lives with his brother, has a 6-year-old child, and he doesn't have a job in his field and drives Uber for now. Then he gave me his number. I wished him well on his job search but I didn't call him. I'm told that I'm too picky. Is this being too picky? I don't even know anymore. Am I supposed to feel guilty for not calling him? I just saw a mountain of red flags.
I believe 'age' is something this society wanted everyone to feel stressed about, there are so many fake programs that even I keep questioning and changing. So firstable, I don't think you should accept just any guy that appears in the map because you're 'x' age...
If you saw red flags, then I say you trust your instincts on this too, it's nothing against the guy, this is more about you... If you don't feel like dating the guy for whatever reason, then listen to yourself.
It's your life so, in any case, take the decision you feel emotionally/mentally/physically okay and safe with. Decisions have effects over time after all so, taking the wrong one can have consequences you don't deserve. I wish the best for you, hope this helps!
@blindbob
What were the reasons for his failed business etc etc, what was he like as a person?
Business could have failed due to covid, then didn't have enough money to pay mortgage, decided the opportunities were better in another country so moved in with family and drives uber until he gets a better position - those red flags could all be reasonable reasons his life is where it is at.
@determinedShip1191 You are probably right. I just felt he should work on improving his situation instead of looking for someone to date because I was afraid I would just end up having to take care of him and his mountain of problems.
@blindbob
I think if you are just dating or looking for someone and these things bother you, fine. I feel if you were married it would be a different story but you have the right to date people that make you feel comfortable. This stuff doesn't get better, generally.
@blindbob Dude is a loser. Anyone past their 20s should have a place of their own, a car, a job, and no random kids. That's not picky. That's the basics everyone should have. Picky would be like 6'5, blonde hair, blue eyes, rich, 6 pack. You know what you truly deserve. Go for it
@blueWatermelon2277 That's generally how I felt throughout my 20s and 30s, but I'm starting to realize that standard is too high for me because it's kept me single. I don't have all of the relationship drama that a lot of people have because I avoid red flags like the plague, but then that's also kept me single.
I will disagree with on this statement whilst it your own opinion I respect it. 1.Life is something ao unpredictable and anything can happen
2. There is different level to life . So we experience at different stages
3. Society demands so much from us we sometimes make rush decisions
You literally have one life to live so if you're not interested you're not interested but you can't complain if life doesn't throw you some contestants that don't meet your standard no matter how long it may take
@Brainmaze Why not?
Please trust your gut. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior- this is an empirically-supported statement. It is definitely hard to be 37 and "unpaired" so to speak in this society but do not sell yourself short. Respect your instincts.
I'm 36 and I've never been in a serious longterm relationship or any relationship really because of past trauma and me saying I'd get to it someday. Now I feel like Idk I'm wanting a family and guys my age are more been there done that. I also feel like they deserve better than me. I don't think you're being picky as long as you aren't singularly focusing on too specific of requirements. Good luck.
@Elle5319 We are basically the same person, except I am 40. I fear that my chance for having a marriage and family is long gone. It makes me question if life is even worth living.
You are here because you are trying to learn and overcome whatever your challenges are, yes?
if you decide you want some kind of relationship with this guy, then you will have to, in some form, emotionally, financially or some other way, share in his issues. Are you ready, willing and able to take those on? If you are, then more power to you. If not, then it’s best to say goodbye because it could become a burden on you that you cannot handle. Period.
Not sure what put him in that situation. Bad things happen to good people sometimes. Also, bad people look for good people to take advantage of. With that being said, I truly believe in our inner listening to that inner voice.
@blindbob
No, not at all. You just want the best for yourself.
