How should I handle my wife's promiscuous divorced female friend? I've been married for 20 years and I think this woman is a bad influence.
Our family was close to this woman, lets call her Tina. Tina is in her mid 40's and has been divorced for 9 years. We socialized quite a bit with Tina and her ex husband. Tina was cheating on her ex husband and they got a divorce. Tina fought very hard to maintain our friendship after the divorce. She has become one of my wife's closest friends. She is a good friend in many ways, but she has a new man in her life every 3 months, sometimes more than one at a time. I think my wife understands how messed up her life is, but doesn't want to cut her off. Not only that, but Tina is very manipulative with men and me. One month she'll show up to our house and tell really sexual stories flirting with me especially if she needs a favor. Next month she'll be distant. The longer this goes on, it gives me the creeps. My wife is not like this at all, she is more of a virtuous woman. We'll never cut Tina off since she is almost a part of the family, but how do I handle the situation and make my wife understand that we should at least DISTANCE ourselves from Tina?
@tidyVillage2515
It's a tricky topic to reply to.
So rather than give specifics, I'll give ideas on how to find your own answers for your situation.
Here's a generic approach you could use to find answers if interested.
Search the web until you find what applies to your specific situation.
The trick is to experiment in how to phrase the question or topic of interest you give the web search engine (Google or Bing or whatever other search engine you think is best for the question).
Just start the best question or phrase you can think of - like this - "don't trust partners friends"
Here are example results.
https://www.google.com/search?q=don%27t+trust+partners+friends
Then you'll get some ideas there like this
Look at this part where it starts with this - Gordon says it's time to have a heart-to-heart with your partner. “The most important thing to do is to control and contain your emotional responses,” she advises.
or this
https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/accept-your-partners-friends
If that isn't what you need, then keep searching the results.
Also try rephrasing the question.
Also look at the suggestioned topics searches links the search engine provides (usually at the bottom).
Keep digging until you find what applies to your situation.
Searching sites like https://psychologytoday.com can be good because they often have related articles at the bottom. Also the information is usually posted by or reviewed by a psychologist.
One thing interest I found is this
Hope that helps you start finding answers.
Please forgive any typos above.
@tidyVillage2515 wrote: " how do I handle the situation and make my wife understand that we should at least DISTANCE ourselves from Tina?"
Since this seems to be your main question, I ask if you have said to Tina --in no uncertain terms-- that you are uncomfortable with her flirtatious behavior, for one, and for another, her "flip" to cold and distant later on?
It's okay to speak up with how you feel, especially if you phrase your concern in "I statements." "Tina, I feel .... when you ...." or "Dearest Wife, I feel like X when Tina does Y."
If YOU declare how YOU FEEL, then no one can contradict your feelings. You feel what you feel. No one else can control how you feel. Nobody has the right to dismiss how you feel, because they are not you.
If you're uncomfortable, it means that Tina has crossed a boundary, spoken or unspoken. She needs to know this, and you can permit her to be part of the family while still reminding her that boundaries exist, and she must respect those boundaries.