I feel guilty for breaking up ( vent )
I am a stubborn 14 year old who recently dumped my ex bf. We only dated for a week but we were good friends last time.
Back in the relationship, there were red flags. He would get jealous easily whenever I talk to my female friends (he doesn't like it) and was very a clingy bf. He would want me to spend time with him and would keep checking up on me whenever I'm busy. He even showered me with compliments and gifts at the beginning of the relationship, and I was uncomfortable since he was rushing the relationship. He was also pretty flirty so I got tired of his flirts a few days after. During that time my freedom was taken away. My friends even suggested me to break up with him to avoid suffering in the long run.
Some time later, I noticed that he was putting a lot of effort in the relationship so I felt bad and talked to him about it. I even apologized for not putting much effort since I couldn't trust him (he used to toy with my feelings, even lied to me a lot). I told him that I tried asking for help, but he said that I'm "leaving him in the dark". After he sent that message he left me hanging and I got so worried and pulled an all nighter. He was pissed and told me to put more fr*cking "trust" in him. Ever since that happened I started panicking whenever I text him. Plus, he was more distant after that. I asked if he was okay and he said that he is, which is a lie.
I got so scared and I broke up by saying that I have fear of commitment (basically made a run for it) and he considered the relationship "on hold". A few hours later I sent him a message saying he should find another girl and stop waiting for me (I have feelings for him). And I even explained to him why I wanted to break up (I said that we're both mentally unstable). He immediately accused me of "taking revenge" of what he did in the past.
A few days later, I sent him another message that said "I kind of miss you". He didn't believe the fact that I have feelings for him and still accused me of "taking revenge". Then I just told him that he's obsessive and controlling and he told me to fr*ck off, saying whatever I explained were excuses. I got mad and pointed out the stuff he did that made me unhappy and blocked him.
I never wanted to hurt him, and I never wanted him to suffer. But it feels like my fault for not taking the relationship seriously, I was just testing the waters since it's only been a week. I don't know how relationships work and thank you for reading this. Please tell me if I made the right choice or not, or if I made any mistakes.
@milkiswholesome
Hello,
I don't believe you should feel guilty for having boundaries!
As you said, it was only a week, so I understand how you were being cautious and careful.
I can't tell you whether you made the right choice or not. As that is something you should reflect within yourself. You know yourself and your feelings best! <3 💛💫
@innateJoy9602 A relationship should be fun and comfortable. It sounds like he was trying, but is really so young he doesn’t know how to do a relationship. You can’t learn this sh#& from TV. It’s not supposed to be drama-o-Rama reality TV. If he wants to be your bf he has to grow the f up and fast! Whose job is it to teach him how to treat you right? Yours? That doesn’t seem right, and it seems like a lot of work, which kind of makes the relationship less fun. Girl, you’ve been doing your best with this situation. If you choose to bring him back in as a boyfriend. Two rules, (1) A relationship should be fun and comfortable for both of you. (2) You both promise to listen to each other and make adjustments when the relationship strays out of the fun and comfortable lines.
— All the best
Go with your gut feelings. That sounded like one helluva week. You're too young to have to deal with that much drama. It sucks to have to as an adult.
You are too young to be so worried about this.. at this age you should be enjoying your life to the fullest.. Unlike the rest here, I won't say everything you did was in the right way but at such an young age others would have done worse and not have even given as much of a thought to it too..
Who's yours, will somehow find a way to you.. so don't stress much.. After some time if you two sort your differences out, you'll realise how childish it was for both you to do what you did.. and in whatever proportion you both would want to stay can stay(like friends, couples, etc.)
For now relax.. And stay happy..
