I miss my old life...
About three years ago, my ex asked for a divorce. I had been the stay-at-home parent since both my children were babies: it was incredibly stressful, but easily the best job I've ever had. But in the years since we started the process, I've been forced out of the home. I had no one to stay with down there, and no resources to get my own place, so I had to move about 4 hours north of them to live with family. The time I spend with my kids has gone from every-moment-of-every-day to 3 hours a week over the phone.
I moved out about a year ago, and not a day goes by that I don't think of them. Aside from them, though, my life was miserable! Many things my ex said were lies, proven wrong by her actions. She refused to stay friends after the breakup, despite my desire to do so. And the more I look back on our relationship, the more I see how she was abusing me and how tiny I'd made myself just to fit her mold.
I've lost everything, it seems, and I just...I want to go home. I want to share my home with my kids! But I can't, because I still can't stir up enough money to move anywhere else. The job market is trash, and I'm so scared to start my own business like I want...
My freedom and expression bring me such joy, but everything I've lost just brings me back down. Honestly, if I could just live with my kids, I wouldn't even care about my stuff! I know this is all temporary, but most days I can't even conceive of any end to this tunnel. I feel stuck and helpless a lot of the time -- it's frustrating.
I'm trying to rebuild my life from scratch in my 40s, and I cannot figure out how to do that. The irony, of course, is that most of my family has experienced divorce but they all gave up instead of rebuilding. I want to do better, but I can't figure out how.
Anyhow, I guess I'm just venting. Much love y'all! I think tomorrow will be better 😊
@HappySpecter I don't think you've lost everything - you've lost what sounds like a relationship where you had to shrink who you were, but you haven't lost the motivation and drive to improve your circumstances. When I see stories like yours, I'm reminded of what someone once called 'the power of negative influences' - you have relatives who divorced but had no desire to rebuild their lives; you've said that you want to do better than they did. That's a powerful driver. You mentioned that you want to do better, but you don't know how. Respectfully, you've told us how - you said you want to start your own business. Can you see, as I can, the impetus that you already have? It just needs you to harness and focus it.
@DemiMondaine
Oh hun, this is an amazing response! In all the sadness, it was hard for me to see these answers. Thank you, sincerely 💖💖💖
@HappySpecter I'm glad it was helpful, specter. I always think of what engineers call 'signal to noise ratio' - in the midst of the confusion, people generally have the kernel of their answer. It'a simply a matter of filtering out the noise to hear the signal within. With my best wishes, Demi
@HappySpecter Sending you lots of love ❤️❤️ I know you will get through this!🍀 You're Awesome <3🐾💕
@fossilfellow TYSM 💖
@HappySpecter Hi i am sorry to hear this is happening to you but just know there are better days ahead, I am recently going through a big change in my marriage after 20 years and some days are more difficult and I stuggle but I do know that it is for the best and it will get easier
@limegreenLunch9871
Thank you, dear! It's nice to know I'm not alone. I know, logically, that things can't stay this way forever. Sometimes, it's harder to actually see that, if that makes sense. I appreciate the kind words, TYSM 💖
@HappySpecter I don't understand exactly how you feel but trust me when I say I understand a lot of it. Praying for you to come out of this better than what you were before you went in it. ❤️
Hang in there Specter. It sounds like an extremely tough phase of life that you are going through but have faith that this too shall pass. Much Love 💕