Married to a sex addict with NPD
Hi all, I am in the midst of the cycle of abuse. Not physical. But on every other form. I don't know how to be strong and stand up for myself without being terrified of the repercussions. He wants me to be more sexually adventurous. He wants 3somes, a 2nd wife...hell he has even asked me to ask my own mother if she would like to get him off etc .....he has said it's important to him and otherwise makes him depressed. I told him I cannot ask my family, that is completely insane and off limits. I have given in to him in the past to please him in hopes of getting some kind of affection and love back. He gaslights me. If I dont "service him" over a couple of days, I'll get text messages throughout the night that I'm the worst. He doesn't understand how this is unhealthy and he certainly doesn't understand my comforts or boundaries. He sleeps til noon, doesnt help with house work, cooking etc .... He is a great dad in the fact that he is fiercely protective, plays with them, spends time and cares for them. He thinks of them and their well being. But he is not setting a great example for what a marriage should be. This is so long winded and I have sooooo much more. He will tell me the shut TF up often. I can't tell him how I feel because it escalates. He goes from 0-60 in anger. It scares me. I tried to point out he was wrong in punishing the kids one day and I pointed out a fact, proof etc...he didnt like that and got in my face and screamed (like blue face, veins popping out) "THEN FUCKING LEAVE ME" I wish I could ......I wish. I am weak. I am not strong. I am here seeking out how to build myself up. How to stand up for myself. To work my way to a better life. I'm not there yet but I'm hoping this is a first step.
@Fiercelywoman7
As a Christian I would never advocate for divorce, unless there has been adultery, which would it be safe to assume that is the case?
This sounds like a case of NPD for sure, and the only way to maintain your sanity is get a divorce
or b) seek therapy with someone who specializes is NPD. Then tell your husband you will only stay in the marriage if he agrees to counselling
I'm so sorry you're going through that. Please remember that YOU ARE ENOUGH!! His desire for extra sexual stuff and fetishes are a reflectionof HIS brokeness.
Watch as much as you can on youtube on how to stand up to narcissists and find out how they work
one thing that would really effect him is DONT get emotional. The next time he asks for something sexual involving other people, brace yourself, breathe, and just say something WITHOUT EMOTION along the lines off "ive been thinking about it and i actually think thats really gross. Why do you think you want that?" Reflect back to him that its HIS brokeness, not your problem!
and say something like "ive decided that if you ask for anything like that again im going to havw to start discussing it with friends because its not a normal request." Dont ask if you can, tell him that you will. Narcissists hate the thought of being seen in their true light by people other than those they are abusing
remember, when you respond with emotion, thats feeding his narcissistic supply. Keep calm. Soon enough he has no option but to realise he looks like a fool
@Fiercelywoman7
rebecca zung is great on YouTube
type in 'narcissistic abuse' and start gwttinf your power back xxxx
Thank you. It's so hard to "grey rock" as everyone recommends... Even if I reply with no emotion, he will say I'm boring, a prude. That he's depressed and needs more.
I asked him to go to counseling and he said it will only end us because he knows he's fucked up. The only resolution a therapist will give is to separate.
I don't have the financial means to leave and everytime I suggest it or try to be strong, he calls my bluff and says he'll leave right now....and then I cry and say no.
I'm pathetic...
