Missing the guy that I recently discussed about on here
Hello, as you all may know, if you’ve read my last thread post. I was wanting advice on if I should cut off this guy that I was talking to/ that I liked. Because of how he talked about my mental breakdowns/ seemed to be controlling, called me a bitch, wouldn’t answer my question to if he was in a relationship or not. I ended up standing up for myself and ended our friendship a few days ago after taking advice and unfollowed him on everything and it went back to us not talking anymore etc. But right now, I’ve found myself missing him at the moment and wanting to cry because I don’t know what to do. I started writing a text to him but I didn’t send it not so long ago, I erased it. Part of me misses him and how he would text me all the time and always seem to have time for me even if he was busy working, and the other part of me doesn’t want to text him because I don’t want him to disrespect me again and treat me like I’m his second choice or just for him to keep around or constantly ask me for nudes and ignore my answer, which is no. I don’t know what to do. I thought it wouldn’t affect me but then this sudden wave of missing him hit me hard.
Stay strong, I believe you made the right decision and you are just adjusting to the new normal, this is normal for sensitive people like us and the feelings will fade with time. 🙏
Thank you so much :) I’ve been trying my best not to think about him and that it was for the best because if I were still in the situation, my mental health would of still been worser than usual. I have been feeling better these past days but I started to miss him not so long ago but I don’t know why despite all the stuff he said to me…
@Insertnamehere82
@strwberryhearts You are strong. You are worthy. You are loved. You are valued. You are talented. Whenever you are drifting, focus on the things that make you feel positive, loved and valued and this too shall pass. Hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗
Thank you so much, I appreciate that alot. I will try 🥺🤍
@scarletWheel62
It's hard, it hurts and it sucks, however, sometimes doing what's right for us mentally and physically is difficult, but worth it. No more hearing him calling you a b!tch. No more seeing him disrespect you by asking for nudes. No more feeling like someone's second choice.
Now you can find someone who values you for you. Who loves you unconditionally and doesn't call you derogatory names nor disrespects you to your face. You can find someone better now, you have the freedom too.
I speak from experience of leaving my (former alcoholic) ex of 3yrs...who was my first everything and even had a child with. I left him because he was verbally, physically, and financially abusive....
With time, things will get better and you'll find somebody better too!
Yes that is so true, you are right :”) No more feeling like I have to be scared of what he might say/feeling like I’m being controlled by him etc. And him just not wasting my time anymore when he knows that he didn’t feel the same. Just keeping me around for his convenience and just a second choice. The worst feeling. Then on top of that, he made me feel confused everyday we talked with eachother. Like I had to question where did we stand everyday because of how fast his attitude towards me would be? If that makes sense. Then finding it hard to trust him even though he said he wasn’t a “player” but showed me all the signs of him being unloyal tbh. And thank you, I hope one day that I can find someone who treats me well too and loves me like how I would love them :(
And I’m so sorry to hear that, nobody deserves to go through that. I hope you are doing better now and remember that you aren’t alone. @ImpudentIncognito 🤍
Hey, I just wanted to say congrats on standing up for yourself and unfollowing him on everything. You're taking a step in the right direction! I recommend keeping yourself distracted with hobbies, interests, or hell, going out and socializing! Find yourself someone new, whether a serious relationship or casual. Go enjoy yourself. :-)
Thanks, I'm doing much better now. Been seeing a guy for about 9months or so after breaking up with ex... We've had many ups and a few downs, so I'm keeping it casual until I get my shit together first, then might consider a serious relationship. Idk, going to see where it goes! If he's not the one, that's OK too, there's plenty of fish in the sea, and at least I gained a friend amongst that sea.
Good luck and take care @strwberryhearts!
@strwberryhearts
Hey strwberryhearts!
It’s really difficult to give advice as you are the one who knows the situation best, but it sounds as if you know what the right decision for you would be, and I’m really proud of you. Not only for standing up for yourself and protecting your boundaries but also for sharing your story and reaching out for support. It really takes courage.
Your story reminded me of my own similar experience. I can reassure you that with time it will get better, but of course, some time need to pass.. in the meantime though, ask yourself this: is it really him that you’re missing? Or is it the image that you created of him? (Which doesn’t necessarily correspond to reality, to who he really is and how he treated you).
Needless to say that you deserve better, you deserve to be respected, not judged, not abused for someone else’s selfish reasons.
I don’t know your story and your situation in details. But please let me take a wild guess here… I’m sorry if I’m completely wrong but…
He called you names and disrespected you… and then bombarded you with words of love and affection. He was sorry and he “will never ever again”. Or he pretended as if nothing happened. Blamed his mood, bad day, whatever else.
Then you somehow forget the bad stuff. And it was great when he was again the nice caring guy. But you knew that sooner or later he will hurt you again.
This is called “trauma bond” that is formed between an abuser and victim. The narcissistic abuser keeps hurting, and then either apologizes or tries to convince that nothing bad happened (that’s called “gaslighting”).
Repeated scheme of abuse and “love bombing” is what strengthens this unhealthy “trauma bond”
You managed to get out. And you should really be proud of yourself how strong and aware you are.
I’m sorry if I misrepresented your case. What I described is just the typical case of the trauma bond and your situation might have been different.
In any case, thank you for your post here. It might really help others who aren’t aware that they can stand up for themselves.
I appreciate the advice, it helps me alot. I am very thankful <3
Yes, it took me a while to build up the courage to end our friendship. I had to mentally prepare for it beforehand because stuff like this is very difficult for me. But when I seen how he responded, I overreacted for nothing because he didn’t even seem to care that I was ending our friendship and the reasons why. Which in the end, is kind of a good thing he didn’t really care about it because it was a understandable situation and that he didn’t be loud about it etc. It was quiet.
Also apologies if I’m talking nonsense, I cannot think properly because of sleepiness.
@SquareK apologies forgot to tag you in this message ^
@strwberryhearts
No worries :) And thank you for your reply.
Maybe he didn’t believe you would actually end the friendship.. or he was sure you’ll eventually come back anyway. And now he starts to realize. He might get desperate, he may text you more and more and be sweetest than ever. Be careful and remember that’s a tactic to draw you back in. Narcissists can’t handle rejection and he will do anything to get your attention back.
And now, please try to get some sleep :)
@strwberryhearts
It's going to be difficult to move on and forget each and everything about your ex in few days .
When you are missing try to do exercise and walking or something which will make you forget him . Keep in touch with someone who motivates and can hear about your problem without any question and understands you.
This is the time when you should try to enjoy thing around you and find something which deserve your attention much more than your ex.
Time heals everything .
You had taken right decision buddy .🤗🤗
@purpleVillage1608 Hello, he wasn’t my ex, I wouldn’t really call him a ex because we didn’t date. We only dated for a day but I called it off because I felt like we were moving too fast. I’m glad that I did call it off because then he would of hurt me more if we were in relationship. He just led me on and played with my feelings and gave me false hope. He wasted my time. So far it hasn’t been difficult for me because he turned me off in many ways that I don’t feel nothing about ended friendship with him. It was a relief actually. No more controlling person over me and stuff like that. Then he showed signs of being a player but he said otherwise but I didn’t believe it.
And thank you for your kind words. They mean alot to me. 🤍
@strwberryhearts
Glad to hear that you are doing alright. It's good you saw the signs and left him . You gave priority to yourself.
It's good that you are free no . Do enjoy and have fun buddy 😊😊🤗🤗
@purpleVillage1608 Thank you so much 🤧🤍
If he really cared, you wouldn't have ended the friendship.
Mostly we imagine person's quality too much that doesn't even exist in them in real.
what you did is right, believe your own decision and stick with it.
@itsTejas Yes that’s true, he didn’t care that I ended our friendship I don’t think. They way he responded to the text etc. And thank you, I’m trying not to think about him or think about the end of friendship :(
@strwberryhearts Sweetie, you miss the good feelings, but he is a package deal - he is sweet candy in a pile of s! You must learn how to provide yourself with love and soothing from within. When you can learn to do that, you’ll be stronger in any situation where someone is not good for you. You deserve SO much more. Don’t contact him, you’ll just end up hurting more.
@helpfulAvocado7912 I will try, I thought about texting him last night to tell him that I missed from talking with him but I erased the message because I don’t want to put up with that stuff again or have someone trying to control me and tell me what to do.
@strwberryhearts You deserve better, you mentioned this was a guy who insulted you, is controlling, and disrespected you. These are major red flags and your better off letting him go. Especially if the individual is a narcissist- sociopath. Anyone who is controlling I would run away from and never look back. There are great and genuine guys out there and you deserve someone like that.
@Findawayout Thank you so much >_< I ended friendship with him a few days ago for the sake of my mental health and because of how he disrespected me and stuff.
I applaud you for being able to stand up for yourself and end the relationship with him. I'm proud of you that although you had the urge to send him a message, that you ended up erasing it and not send it out. Stay strong, your thoughts about him will gradually go away. Keep in mind that although you had liked this guy to start off with, he is not worth your love. Based all everything he has said to you, his intentions on keeping you around; you deserve someone who knows what respect is. He is not worth someone to even think about. *hugs*
@strwberryhearts
@Jaeteuk Thank you so much for helping me and giving me advice to stand up for myself and end friendship with him. It was much easier than I thought because of how he responded. And I will, I’m glad that I didn’t send him a message last night because it isn’t worth it. *hugs back* 🤧🤍
@strwberryhearts i don't think you did anything wrong. Despite the fact that you know he's taking you for granted, you still wanted to be there for him which shows how amazing you are. If you need anyone to talk to, i am just a ping away. More love and power to you
@SpreadPeace20 Thank you so much for saying that, it means a lot. 😊🤍