New here....
Im not really sure if this is the right place for me. Im 37 and in what I can only describe as loveless relationship of 14 years. Im depressed, crying every day, begging for attention, and he just continues to ignore me. I just don't want this to be my life for the next 50 years.
@StarlightRaven
Hello.
welcome
look around.... read posts many in relationship issues section. You will find you are not alone. I have been in your shoes. i would suggest taking action taken to love and value yourself , that can help you through things.
I think we need to speak up and ask for our needs to be met ... but also be prepared for partners to not really hear what we are saying or how serious we are. We need to communicate how we feel and not accept falling back to the status quo. I strongly feel length of relationship is NOT enough to resign ourselves to that is how it is. think of things in your life like an investment .......would we stay for 40 years with a financial investment that we were losing money in? no we would find alternatives and something that showed growth.
I once told my partner I felt alone when sitting in same room as him....... he mocked it. I said fine.... then filled my life with friends and doing new things I always wanted to. Planned for a life financial apart etc. Even researched divorce laws and things in my area..... being prepared and not settling... spurred my partner to see clearly ... marriage is a contract not a prison. Contract can be dissolved.
I told him we are roommates now .... He was free to find someone who wanted to be second or third in his priorities and ignored.....it would NOT be me any longer..
It was awhile almost 6 months that he really saw it................he has tried very hard sometimes too hard to connect.... and show me respect for me putting up with the being taken for granted for a long time..
So what did you do after?
I have been there and did it for 21 years, you must love you first. Walking away isn’t you abandoning them, it’s you choosing you and setting boundaries. You can love them from a distance and still have peace of mind
Sounds like that guy might have been too little too late by the sounds of things. Sometimes they will revert right back to their bs ways.
Sounds like that guy might have been too little too late by the sounds of things. Sometimes they will revert right back to their bs ways.
@StarlightRaven ya that sounds like a rough situation. Sorry 😞
Go out from that shell, you still have time to live peacefully and meet someone better. I'm 37 too
Omg same here like its never good enough no matter what you...
@StarlightRaven Hello and welcome. So nice to meet you. You will find many people here who are going through similar circumstances. You are a young vibrant woman who deserves love, respect and happiness. You do not have to spend the next 50 years living with someone who is incapable of treating you the way you deserve to be treated. Please do not settle for anything less than what you are looking for in life. Put yourself and your happiness first. Your future is in your hands. Wishing you the very best life has to offer.
Maybe stop showing you need him so much. Find ways to be fulfilled without him.
Once he sees you're more independent he might start respecting you more. Even be envious of you. Stand up for yourself and learn to live life without being dependant on other people's attention or approval.
Find happiness within you then you will attract great things and relationships into your life :)
@yoni10 I wish people could also respect them by also wanting to spend time with them as well. Avoidants love to just push you away and make it your problem or "not respect" when you barely spend time with them! I don't think so. I don't need their "respect".
I ended up letting them break up with me. Good riddance!
You can always talk to me@StarlightRaven
I know we all need to be with someone. Life alone is unbearable. Yet - bad company and behaviors as you described that play with your emotions can be worse than a single life. I chose to be single after a couple of relationships that drained the life out of me and it was the best decision ever. Im doing things alone and with friends - and there is honestly so much peace.
I know it's difficult to make these decisions. You get attached to the abusers. Its common.
But - really - you can change your life. It may mean one thousand steps of courage and gentle loving to give yourself the push - but it will all be worth it in the end.
You owe it to yourself. It is your RIGHT to live a healthy and happy life.
@StarlightRaven