Anyone with a deadbedroom here
So my husband started pushing off sexual intimacy for extended periods of times. We are at once a month and this number is likely yo get lower and lower. If you have been through this before do you have any suggestions on how to cure it. ?
Perhaps I shouldn't say this, but at the risk of being insensitive I'm just gonna leave this here: if your spouse is not interested in you anymore & will not respond to any efforts to improve the relationship, then it might be time to find someone else.
Yes, you read it right.
One other commenter said it already. You cannot help someone who isn't interested in solving the problem him/herself! If your husband/wife won't respond to any overtures from you & refuses to discuss it, then the only option left is to find some good lovin' elsewhere. If your needs are not being met & your spouse will not do anything about it then your right to intimacy & carnal excitement is being violated, no matter the reasons for your s.o.'s conduct (or lack thereof).
I am aware this is not a solution for everyone. But perhaps you should consider it. Why shouldn't you find someone who will pay attention to you & give you satisfaction? That doesn't necessarily mean divorce or even separation. You may wish to stay with your marital ©orpse & go do the mattress rodeo with a more enthusiastic--or at least attentive--partner. As we all know, there is no shortage of volunteers out there for both genders. Finding one is easier than it's ever been. If your spouse is truly apathetic then (s)he may not even care about what you're doing...that would be the best arrangement possible in the unfortunate circumstance under discussion here.
@Spearman60
Yes I can see how the dinner idea could be a feeling of loneliness. I can see that happening.
I am not working at all because of PTSD so I don't have co workers anymore. I get it. It's lonely working alone. I volunteer sometimes I have my hobbies and I have 2 good friends. I have a couple adult kids and they can be a source of joy . .but it's not the same as having a warm loving connected relationship with someone who reciprocates and is emotionally available. Someone who has similar interests and oh ya wants physical intimacy that's equal. Not one sided. I'm still young enough to want to hope it's available out there.
I feel scared about losing time almost like omg I need to hurry up .... it just makes me so sad the waste of my life on someone who's narcissistic and self involved. What to do ?
ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92
I wished I had answers for both of our situations and others as well, I really do.
Tonight, when I came home, it was her day off and she was so absorbed with what she was doing, she didn't even really interact with me much at all. It's like she was focused on her list of things, that she hardly acknowledged my presence in the house. I just don't get it. It's like she was mad at the world. I know if I ask what is wrong, she'll give me the same answers as the many other times... "nothing" and get me to believe she's fine.
It's so dang frustrating at times to deal with someone like her on a regular basis. It sucks the life out of you if you let it. I try not to let it get to me, but sometimes it does, like today.
I feel an emptiness and a void in me in all this with her. Just wished I could find some answers.
I think it might surprise us all the number of couples going through this sort of thing at this stage of life. It's miserable and I wished it didn't have to be this way.
@Spearman60
I agree that there's a lot of couples going through something very similar to this. I've chatted with a few that have no physical contact just live in the same house . One partner seems to have some aversion to intimacy and the other is suffering because they feel they've made a commitment and need to stay. It's true it's not easy to leave because of so many reasons. It can be emotional, financial, or there's still kids in the house. It's a huge step too after decades with the same person. Then there's me with PTSD and it's going to be extra challenging breaking up and living somewhere else without emotional support etc.
Some days it's so painful it hurts my heart. There's really no one I can cry to or hug . It's not a subject you can talk to just anyone about and ppl are gossipy and that is a big pet peeve of mine. I want to say " hey don't use my pain to gossip and make yourself feel better by doing that" ugh....
I'm sorry your experiencing the same heart ache. I feel your pain.
For me I am a loyal person but I've entertained the idea of finding solace elsewhere. But I need connection it can't be some empty jump in and see ya. I need someone I connect with and can trust. I've had a lot of trauma inflicted on me by others. I want a real relationship not some one sided game.
Idk maybe I'm just not supposed to have the things I'd like in this life. I feel stuck and hopeless. I am glad to find ppl on cups that understand and don't judge or criticize.... thx 😊
ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92
Well, I feel I understand a lot of what you're going through in your relationship too. I understand how frustrating it is and can be. I find myself wanting a level of closeness and intimacy that I just can't seem to get with my wife. As we both have gotten older, it seems it's gotten worse with her. She's just not one to reach out to anyone really. And that's why our relationship is so one sided. It's always up to me to make things happen, even when it comes to intimacy. We've gone as long as 2 years with nothing happening. She just doesn't have a lot of interest in that area of our lives.
You said you deal with PTSD. I'm not sure about the specifics of what that is exactly, but I was wondering if you were in the service? Or maybe you experienced some trauma in your life? Didn't know if it was personal or if you care to share with me what happened? It's up to you. I was just wondering about it... 😊
I'm sure you deserve to have certain things in your life that you desire. You seem like a good person with a good heart.
And just like you, I often feel stuck where I am too. I wish things could be different for the better.
Thanks for your responses... 💗
@Spearman60
I understand the need for companionship and intimacy, connected love. A partnership of caring and doing fun things together. It seems like a dream I cannot obtain. I'm tired of sleeping alone. I'll never understand how a partner can abandon their spouse inside a relationship. It's cruel. I feel shackled.
My PTSD is complex. Without being specific I was emotionally and physically abused severely as a child. This made me vulnerable to abuse in adulthood. I've experienced s. assault, harassment, workplace targeting, verbal abuse, etc. I was, and I stress the word was, an easy target because of the abuse I experienced very young. But I'm not that victim anymore. I am in therapy the last few years and I'm aware of how my experiences have affected my life. Being aware makes you " see" and I'm a survivor. I'm stronger, better, more aware. I see my vulnerability and patterns and I'm dedicated to healing. Ppl don't always realize how abuse can follow a person through their lives. My PTSD is not from serving although I wish it was ppl would Revere instead of judge my condition. I'm not crazy I'm injured by other ppls horrible behavior. A child is at the mercy of its caretakers. You are completely powerless. I still feel that powerlessness on some level.
I have 3 siblings and they are witness and victims also. The most difficult thing was watching your sibs being abused and being helpless to do anything about it.
So that's a bit of my experiences... I hope it doesn't upset you. How do you like me now ?
ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92
How do I like you now? I like you just fine. I'm sorry for the abuse you went through, but that doesn't mean I turn my back on you or anyone else that has been through a traumatic situation in their lives. I'm not that kind of person to turn away and reject people. I'm quite the opposite, wishing I could help in some way.
Too many people today do that and just don't want to be bothered with what others go through in life. But we all need each other for help, strength and support. I know this forum is somewhat limited, but my nature is to help people and be supportive. Hope you're okay with that... 😊
@Spearman60
Thank you so much for responding. I do feel you always support everyone here. It's why I chat with you. You seem to understand well. I meant no harm with the how do you like me now ... i was really trying to lighten up my serious post ....😊
I'm here because ppl are so supportive and I never feel alone in my plight. I am having a down day. I feel that I need to accept my lot and stop hoping for something better. I don't easily accept things, I guess I'm kind of stubborn that way 😆
It's almost as if I just exist instead of living fully like your meant to.
I hope your doing well today.
The sun's out here and that helps some.
ABB 💜🤗
@amiableBlackberry92
I'm having a better day today. I have my ups and downs now and then too. And thanks for the compliment... 😊
There is a lot of support here, but I find it somewhat limited and restrictive. I quit coming here for a while because I felt it wasn't doing me much good, just making me think about my marital issues and dwelling on it more. Weird huh?
I wouldn't give up on things getting better. I mean, I understand feeling like you're just existing and not feeling fulfilled. But you never know, things can still turn around one way or another.
But any time you need to just chat, I'm here. Do you have a listener account too? I understand that members can't message each other in this forum, but only listeners... if I'm correct on this.
I hope you have a better day tomorrow... 😊💖
@Spearman60
Yw, I'm glad to have you here to share with. No I don't have a listener account. Do you?
It turned out to be a decent day . I have a close girlfriend I met up with and that really helps alot.
There's other subjects we can discuss too. Like hobbies? What do you like for hobbies. I paint, I belong to a gym, gardening in good weather. I enjoy music alot.
I find Esther Perel on YouTube a great source of relationship information .
Relationships 🤷🏻♀️
Lol
ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92
Yes, I have a listener account, but I don't use it much. I feel sometimes I'm not qualified to be a listener really... 😊 I did connect with someone who was having issues, but they didn't stick with me for very long and stopped communicating with me.
The hobbies I have is wood crafts, model trains, CNC router and 3D printing. They help me to keep my mind off of my issues here at home.
So how was your day today? Hope it was a good day for you. I'm doing a little better myself for now... 😊
@Spearman60
I think your a good listener here. If you share your handle I would like your listening skills to help me with my plight.
I'm glad you had a good day.
You have a lot of interesting hobbies.
I'd like to attempt wood burning art. I think sculpture is beautiful and I would like to try that too or at least clay pottery .
Trying to sleep tonight but struggling terribly .
ABB ☺️
@Spearman60
I think from past conversations and threads we have both answered .. you would be a great listener.
@amiableBlackberry92
Sure, I'll share my listener handle with you. I go by @Simonthelistener. I don't use it much at all, but I'll start using it more and I'll be glad to message you there if you like.
And I'd encourage you to take up some hobbies that interest you. It does help to keep focused and get your mind off of things that are troublesome. 😊
@Spearman60
Thank you, I accept your invite and will send a message to you.
ABB 💜
Thanks! So how are things with you? I hadn't been on here much until that last few days. Felt like I needed a break from this site for a while. Work and all had me overwhelmed for a while.
Has anything gotten any better in your situation?
@Spearman60
nope all the same.
Sorry... it's pretty much the same here too. I mean, there's the occasional good day... sort of... but it seems to fall back again. 😊
