Anyone with a deadbedroom here
So my husband started pushing off sexual intimacy for extended periods of times. We are at once a month and this number is likely yo get lower and lower. If you have been through this before do you have any suggestions on how to cure it. ?
Perhaps I shouldn't say this, but at the risk of being insensitive I'm just gonna leave this here: if your spouse is not interested in you anymore & will not respond to any efforts to improve the relationship, then it might be time to find someone else.
Yes, you read it right.
One other commenter said it already. You cannot help someone who isn't interested in solving the problem him/herself! If your husband/wife won't respond to any overtures from you & refuses to discuss it, then the only option left is to find some good lovin' elsewhere. If your needs are not being met & your spouse will not do anything about it then your right to intimacy & carnal excitement is being violated, no matter the reasons for your s.o.'s conduct (or lack thereof).
I am aware this is not a solution for everyone. But perhaps you should consider it. Why shouldn't you find someone who will pay attention to you & give you satisfaction? That doesn't necessarily mean divorce or even separation. You may wish to stay with your marital ©orpse & go do the mattress rodeo with a more enthusiastic--or at least attentive--partner. As we all know, there is no shortage of volunteers out there for both genders. Finding one is easier than it's ever been. If your spouse is truly apathetic then (s)he may not even care about what you're doing...that would be the best arrangement possible in the unfortunate circumstance under discussion here.
@Spearman60
Yes I can see how the dinner idea could be a feeling of loneliness. I can see that happening.
I am not working at all because of PTSD so I don't have co workers anymore. I get it. It's lonely working alone. I volunteer sometimes I have my hobbies and I have 2 good friends. I have a couple adult kids and they can be a source of joy . .but it's not the same as having a warm loving connected relationship with someone who reciprocates and is emotionally available. Someone who has similar interests and oh ya wants physical intimacy that's equal. Not one sided. I'm still young enough to want to hope it's available out there.
I feel scared about losing time almost like omg I need to hurry up .... it just makes me so sad the waste of my life on someone who's narcissistic and self involved. What to do ?
ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92
I wished I had answers for both of our situations and others as well, I really do.
Tonight, when I came home, it was her day off and she was so absorbed with what she was doing, she didn't even really interact with me much at all. It's like she was focused on her list of things, that she hardly acknowledged my presence in the house. I just don't get it. It's like she was mad at the world. I know if I ask what is wrong, she'll give me the same answers as the many other times... "nothing" and get me to believe she's fine.
It's so dang frustrating at times to deal with someone like her on a regular basis. It sucks the life out of you if you let it. I try not to let it get to me, but sometimes it does, like today.
I feel an emptiness and a void in me in all this with her. Just wished I could find some answers.
I think it might surprise us all the number of couples going through this sort of thing at this stage of life. It's miserable and I wished it didn't have to be this way.
@Spearman60
I agree that there's a lot of couples going through something very similar to this. I've chatted with a few that have no physical contact just live in the same house . One partner seems to have some aversion to intimacy and the other is suffering because they feel they've made a commitment and need to stay. It's true it's not easy to leave because of so many reasons. It can be emotional, financial, or there's still kids in the house. It's a huge step too after decades with the same person. Then there's me with PTSD and it's going to be extra challenging breaking up and living somewhere else without emotional support etc.
Some days it's so painful it hurts my heart. There's really no one I can cry to or hug . It's not a subject you can talk to just anyone about and ppl are gossipy and that is a big pet peeve of mine. I want to say " hey don't use my pain to gossip and make yourself feel better by doing that" ugh....
I'm sorry your experiencing the same heart ache. I feel your pain.
For me I am a loyal person but I've entertained the idea of finding solace elsewhere. But I need connection it can't be some empty jump in and see ya. I need someone I connect with and can trust. I've had a lot of trauma inflicted on me by others. I want a real relationship not some one sided game.
Idk maybe I'm just not supposed to have the things I'd like in this life. I feel stuck and hopeless. I am glad to find ppl on cups that understand and don't judge or criticize.... thx 😊
ABB 💜
@Spearman60
Thank you so much for responding. I do feel you always support everyone here. It's why I chat with you. You seem to understand well. I meant no harm with the how do you like me now ... i was really trying to lighten up my serious post ....😊
I'm here because ppl are so supportive and I never feel alone in my plight. I am having a down day. I feel that I need to accept my lot and stop hoping for something better. I don't easily accept things, I guess I'm kind of stubborn that way 😆
It's almost as if I just exist instead of living fully like your meant to.
I hope your doing well today.
The sun's out here and that helps some.
ABB 💜🤗
@amiableBlackberry92
I'm having a better day today. I have my ups and downs now and then too. And thanks for the compliment... 😊
There is a lot of support here, but I find it somewhat limited and restrictive. I quit coming here for a while because I felt it wasn't doing me much good, just making me think about my marital issues and dwelling on it more. Weird huh?
I wouldn't give up on things getting better. I mean, I understand feeling like you're just existing and not feeling fulfilled. But you never know, things can still turn around one way or another.
But any time you need to just chat, I'm here. Do you have a listener account too? I understand that members can't message each other in this forum, but only listeners... if I'm correct on this.
I hope you have a better day tomorrow... 😊💖
@amiableBlackberry92
Yes, I have a listener account, but I don't use it much. I feel sometimes I'm not qualified to be a listener really... 😊 I did connect with someone who was having issues, but they didn't stick with me for very long and stopped communicating with me.
The hobbies I have is wood crafts, model trains, CNC router and 3D printing. They help me to keep my mind off of my issues here at home.
So how was your day today? Hope it was a good day for you. I'm doing a little better myself for now... 😊
@amiableBlackberry92
Sure, I'll share my listener handle with you. I go by @Simonthelistener. I don't use it much at all, but I'll start using it more and I'll be glad to message you there if you like.
And I'd encourage you to take up some hobbies that interest you. It does help to keep focused and get your mind off of things that are troublesome. 😊
@Spearman60
Thank you, I accept your invite and will send a message to you.
ABB 💜
Thanks! So how are things with you? I hadn't been on here much until that last few days. Felt like I needed a break from this site for a while. Work and all had me overwhelmed for a while.
Has anything gotten any better in your situation?
