50+ Check-In June 17-19, 2022
Managing our expectations
We all know that unrealistic expectations are damaging to your self-esteem and overall well being. They can contribute to stress, anxiety and depression. So it is very important that we know to which extent our expectations motivate us and when they start causing us to feel overwhelmed. Allowing us to make mistakes, not taking on too much or expecting 100 % all the time can help to balance what we expect.
In what ways do you feel that you’re expecting too much from yourself and/or others?
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@amiablePeace77
Hi, Peace,
Easy. I'm trying to keep a job where I don't like my co-workers, apply to grad school, take care of a sick cat, and deal with a car that is breaking down. I'm doing this all by myself. And at one of my jobs, I expect my bosses to accept that I am out a lot. I don't take days off for joy rides. I take them because I need them, but still. They are accepting of me, but I'm out a lot. They know that I am dealing with a lot by myself and that I have mental problems.
@purpleTree4652
You have a lot on your plate to deal with! It's good that your bosses are so accepting and understanding. Hope things will get smoother very soon and your cat recovers.
Keep your eye on the prize. I know what it's like to work with coworkers you don't like. They seem to crave your attention, when your mind is on your to do list. Because you have a lot going on, friendship with them would really be a distraction. Right now, they are obstacles. Do what you need to do for you and don't worry about them.
In what ways do you feel that you’re expecting too much from yourself and/or others?
I can't think of anything specific. Unfortunately, I waste a lot of my thought on daydreams, which is a waste of time, too, wishing for this or that. They're mostly about a woman I love who lives in another part of the country and who wants nothing to do with me. I don't expect that to change, but I wish I could get over her and devote my thoughts and time to something more constructive. I don't know how much it's tied into my mental illness, but I always have fallen for someone who is out of reach, who is unattainable. It's a pattern.
@WharfRat I hear you. Finding a balance is not easy.
I try to use the power of imagination to solve problems but also try to engage in action that utilizes what I learn from imagining.
@WharfRat
It sounds painful what you are going through. I hope that you can work through your feelings and find out what is behind that desire, maybe talking to a listener more in detail about it could help?
@amiablePeace77
In what ways do you feel that you’re expecting too much from yourself and/or others? I do not expect too much from you and others.
@Offmytrack
When we expect little there will be more good surprises to me. I hope you're getting those surprises occasionally.
@amiablePeace77
I sometimes expect too much from myself and others. I expect myself to stay on the computer too long, working to find a job or volunteer opportunities. Sometimes I expect others to spend more time with me than they want to spend with me.
@EmpathyPeer I sometimes think I should answer every post but there are not enough hours in the day for that.
I always expect too much out of myself because I've been programmed my whole life that I have to be the example....to my kids, co workers, subordinates ( I'm a suoervisor at my job)....how can I expect them to perform at the required level if I cannot....as for expecting too much of others...in the work environment, I expect my people to just do their job...that isn't asking too much, but for a lot of the upcoming generation, it seems to be....alwqys finding an excuse as to why something is not done or is not done correctly rather than take responsibility of their actions...it seems a lot of people dont take responsibility of anything.. ...in my personal life, I've been let down so much in the past, I don't expect anything from anyone.....people always say "if you need anything...." until it comes times to cash in and their actions don't match their words...so I don't ask for anything or expect anything from anyone...its the easiest way to not be let down....
@CyclingThroughLife
I'm glad that you can let go of your expectations so that there will be less disappointment in your life. I hope though that you will have some positive surprises.
@amiablePeace77
In what ways do you feel that you’re expecting too much from yourself and/or others? FROM OTHERS, I FEEL LIKE I'M ALWAYS IN THE WAY.
@Offmytrack
It must be very hard to feel that you're in the way, has anyone told you so?
You are not in the way here in any form Offmytrack, it's always nice to see you posting!
In what ways do you feel that you’re expecting too much from yourself and/or others?
I'm still not over my son's death. Sometimes I forget where my tears are coming from. I still feel like crying suddenly in the middle of the day...I've suffered great loss before. I need to give myself more time to heal and not let my inner critic pull me down.
@EmbStitcher33
Hugs EmbStitcher33, it's a huge loss you suffered! ❤️ It's good to take time and also be gentle with yourself. This is a link to a song about Be Gentle with Yourself
@amiablePeace77
I just got done listening to the song. Very nice. And I loved the background video. Thank you. ❤️
@EmbStitcher33 I am so sorry for your loss. A parent losing a child may be the hardest kind of loss.
I do not know what you are feelings but even imagining losing my child is such a feeling of emptiness.
Sometimes being with others can give a feeling of they know what I have been through. Here are 7 online grief support groups https://www.joincake.com/blog/grief-support-groups-for-parents-who-have-lost-a-child/
Sorry if that only reminds you of your loss more but you are always in a safe place here on 7cups to grieve. There are these new longer term support groups here at 7cups that may be of interest to you https://www.7cups.com/forum/50OverCommunity_193/ChallengesWeFace_1702/7cupsHuddles_280436/
Hope you get the support you are looking for.
@soulsings
Soulsings, thank you so much for your heart felt suggestions. I do appreciate where they come from. I hope you can understand what I next have to say. I only have the capacity to hold my own grief. I've tried support groups for trauma, grief etc in person and online. I end up feeling worse than when I first came in. I take in other's pain. It's not that I don't appreciate what other people are going through, or that I don't care... I do care. I'm doing okay. I'm still in pain, but I don't expect any outside source to take that pain away. It will dissipate in time. Maybe the pain will never go away. Whatever the deal is I'm learning to live with it. I'm striving to find peace and quiet joy every day in simple things around me. Sometimes just finding the right word to say to someone to give them a smile or some comfort helps me too.
I'm afraid to join any online chats for a couple reasons. I did try to join a chat today. First thing I saw was the message to read the rules... O my. I didn't come in to read a book right now. I just came for a simple chat. I copied and pasted the rules into a text file and I will read them and follow them as best I can. I know and appreciate that they are important. But sheesh. Not what I expected. I'm just afraid that I'll accidentally step on someone's toes. The other reason is I'm terrible at keeping a schedule with online meetings. I have things to do on this side of the screen and my schedule here is varied. I seldom make it into webinars I've signed up for and usually end up watching replays. The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone's feelings by not showing up. 7 Cups is a great place for support, but it's not my priority right now. So, I'm trying to pop in and read forums and posts and give warm support where it seems appropriate and I can find something to say. Maybe someday it'll be different. I'm giving what I can right now... Again, thank you for your thoughtful suggestions. And thank you for all the time and effort you put in to 7 cups. You are one of the most thoughtful people that I've met on here. Warm hugs....
Warm hugs I hear you. Do what helps you. Thanks for your kind words.