50+ community Check-in January 4-7, 2020
Happy Monday to everyone in the 50+ community. I hope you all enjoyed your weekend and you are all doing well 
Be empathetic
No matter one’s love language, Enneagram, or place on the introvert/extrovert scale, human interaction is a necessity for all. The desire for connection lies at the heart of each and every individual. However, it is not always that simple to communicate with other people, we are all different, have different opinions and beliefs and that can cause stress at times. So next time you have a challenging conversation with someone try to put yourself in the shoes of that person, and try to see the situation from their perspective. Remember that we all make mistakes, and nothing conquers anger or pain quite like a spirit of compassion.
Do you feel that you’re giving your best to understand others and how much do you feel others endeavour to understand you?
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Do you feel that you’re giving your best to understand others and how much do you feel others endeavour to understand you?
I feel that I do my best to understand others. My hearing is not very good, and I have to really try to understand. I feel that others do understand me.
@Offmytrack
It's tough to follow a conversation properly when the hearing is not that good, it needs a lot of focus. Have you ever considered to get a hearing aid?
@amiablePeace77
I have one, I had two but I lost one, should get it replaced soon.
@Offmytrack
I hope you get it soon and listening will become easier for you.
@amiablePeace77
Do you feel that you’re giving your best to understand others and how much do you feel others endeavour to understand you?
No, I know that I don’t give my best to understand others.I need to work on that more.
It depends on who the “others” are that you refer to in endeavouring to understand me.The people I live with give about 1% effort in trying to understand me.Some listeners used to give a lot to understand me, but I have not heard much from those listeners in some time.I have one friend who tries to understand me.She makes a large effort.
@purpleTree4652
It can be really tough to understand others at times and it needs the effort and will wanting to get what they mean. Nice that you do want to make this effort, I find though it needs to go both ways.
Have you tried to contact those who made you feel understood, sometimes people can get very busy, particularly over the holiday times? Glad you still have that one person though.
@amiablePeace77 This is very true and well written!
Do you feel that you’re giving your best to understand others and how much do you feel others endeavour to understand you? - I am a very understanding person and it lets for many people to open up and share. I always try to understand that I won't understand and I find this is the best way to help and connect with others.
@Goldcherry2113
Thank you for sharing these wise words Goldcherry, pretending to understand can make things worse.
I think I'm rarely on my best behavior when it comes to just about everything, so giving my best to understand others falls under that rather large umbrella. 
I have a tendency to get distracted. (...what was the topic again?...oh yeah...)
I often feel awkward and at a loss for words when interacting with others. That awkwardness can sometimes get in the way of my listening. And if I'm not listening then how could I possibly be understanding? I do try to remind myself to focus on the person I'm talking to (instead of allowing myself to be distracted by what I want to say next or, you know: 'did I turn off the coffee maker before I left the house' kind of thoughts). I think in order to be empathetic and tolerant and understanding it's paramount that I quiet my own mind and allow myself to really, truly listen.
I think there's no way to generalize about people being understanding towards me. I'd say, as far as the people I talk to the most often these days it's a mixed bag. Some are better at trying to understand than others are. Some are far too involved in their own lives and drama to take a breath and think aboout what I'm saying. Some are not yet at a point in their relationship with me where they're really mature enough to try and understand me (specifically, my adult children). So, yeah, it kind of depends on the person.
@SunshineDaydream813
I can relate to some of what you're saying. Whilst trying to not let your emotions take over or looking for the right word part of the conversation gets lost. This happened to me many times particuarly when feeling overwhelmed or whilst having a conversation in a foreign language conversation. Staying focussed can be a challenge. I hope that our mindfulness discussions will be helpful to you in this regard.
It's hard to find people who fully understand us and when we find someone they become like a precious diamond in my opinion.
@amiablePeace77 I am definitely making a new start at having compassion for others. That is all I know for sure.
@soulsings
Soul, you show so much compassion for others!
@amiablePeace77
i don't know. Just feel
@amiablePeace77
Do you feel that you’re giving your best to understand others
no.
and how much do you feel others endeavour to understand you?
some?
feeling like it doesn't matter if the understand me anymore. Figure they'll find reasons to despise me no matter what
@HappyDucky8 I feel better when I take an interest in how others feel.
I am not one on your despise list. I sometimes think I end up seeing what I expect will happen.
@soulsings
thanks and that's a good point. I just have trust issues from being bullied at a young age by someone who pretended to like me just to be able to hurt me. I haven't wanted to trust myself to know if people's intentions are good
Do you feel that you’re giving your best to understand others and how much do you feel others endeavour to understand you?
I try to understand others but it often seems that they're playing games with me to see how many clues I need to figure out what they mean. It can be very frustrating. Please, people, I'm not a mind reader. Tell me everything.
I don't think others try too hard to understand me - some more than others, of course - not everyone is the same. Some people jump to conclusions and say they know how I feel or something like that, when nobody knows how anybody else feels. I wish they would listen more and ask more questions.
I try to say everything I can without offending them, everything that is appropriate, because what happened to me was sexual and I wish I could explain explicitly how that still affects me, but we men can't talk about those things without people getting offended.
@WharfRat
Sexual abuse is never limited to one gender but very unfortunately our society still believes only women can suffer from it not wanting to see that many men go through the same torture. I can only imagine how hard it is for you to make sure others are not getting offened whilst you are the one in pain! Hugs. I hope you get the support you are looking for here on this site. 💚
It's easier when people come out straight forward with what they mean, I agree, in some instances though people really want to help increasing our understanding (not saying that's the case with you)
@amiablePeace77 Thank you for your wise and provoking topics. I try my best to understand and remain impartial during hard conversations. Sometimes however, I think that it must be that the other person doesn't understand me, and that's why the conversation is hard. However, far too often, I am the one not getting it. I need to work hard at entering these conversations with a soft and humble heart, a willingness to listen more, and to get clarification of what I'm hearing.
@Sunshine4691
This is a great awareness Sunshine. Starting a conversation with a beginner's mind, without judgement and assumptions and just waiting what unfolds opens doors. I am still working on it too.
I agree that I really feel validated when I am listened to and someone shows interest, so I need to be doing the same. Everyone has a story to tell and I need to do my best to listen freely. The hard part for me is the negative self talk I that challenges me when I'm on my own. I can forgive others but yet my brain struggles to see the same compassion for myself and past mistakes or current distortions.
@taylorplayer13
Many of us became very good at criticising ourselves because that's what we have been practising for a long time and it needs some time to break that pattern and to develop self love, self appreciation. This is a link to one of my favorites compassion videos "Being Gentle with the Self" https://youtu.be/7k7T3V9hl2I
@taylorplayer13
I, too, criticize myself constantly. I've been doing it for over 50 years, so it's quite a deep rut to try to climb out of. It's a habit that's hard to break.