50+ community Check-in July 20-23, 2020
Happy Monday everyone, I hope youre having a wonderful day 
Aging comes with various challenges. Cultural misconceptions and stereotypes pose various problems.
What are some challenges you are facing at the moment?
Would you like to see them (if possible) or a particular topic to be talked here about more in detail?
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@amiablePeace77, Hi,
1. What are some challenges you are facing at the moment? I am afraid of having nothing when I am old. I just reunited with my sister and her husband. They asked me to live with them. We are going to take care of each other. It is where I am supposed to be. But they are both ill. He is 73. She has declined a lot in the past 6 years. They have told me I have nothing to worry about financially. I know I am out of financial distress at this moment. But the thought of losing her—oh my gosh. I dont know how Id go on without her.
2. Would you like to see them (if possible) or a particular topic to be talked here about more in detail? I would enjoy attending discussions on being along in old ago. The problem is that I frequently cant attend discussions due to the time of them. I would try.
@purpleTree4652
Just the thought of losing someone we love can create a lot of anxiety, hugs. I hope that you all will still have many years to enjoy together despite of illness.
I have noted the topic of "Alone in old age", thanks.
@purpleTree4652
So purpleTree4652.
Maybe you'll go to a finer place of living?
Earlier you described the place you are living as poor, without aircondition and much noice. I told you I wanted for you to put away some money to come to better place. Maybe this is the answer.
@purpleTree4652 I am glad you are well taken care of and you are giving them support. That is wonderful.
It does sound like you will need more support as a caregiver and more self care.
What is the earliest time and day you can attend discussions Monday to Friday?
@soulsingsSings, you are so thoughtful to consider my schedule. I can be in a discussion from 9am (PST) onward, Monday through Friday, if I knew you were scheduling it around my schedule. If I dont know about it I may still miss it. If you do schedule something with me in mind, can you please PM me? I would want to be there.
Challenges? Dealing with people who treat me differently because I was hospitalized for a mental health issue. I'm not sure how to explain, or even if I want to explain why I was there. If they were my friend, like they say, shouldn't they understand?
@Lauren63
Hi. I've been hospitalized several times in my past when I was younger as I had OCD and no one knew what it was yet. I was even given shock treatments. I felt humiliated and ashamed. Recently, I've been so depressed and then had a family issue that was my fault, I was closer to suicide than I've ever been. I really wanted to check into a mental hospital but because of my financial situation and remembering the shame, somehow I hung on. It's really sad to be viewed as "mentally ill." It's not easy to be us. So all I can say is that I understand and you are not alone! -- Susasn
@Lauren63
I would have wished they understood since they are close to you, being your friends, but sometimes they simply don't and it hurts. It seems that mental illness scares peoples, I often wonder whether it is because they know, everyone can get it and just want to ignore that fact. Hugs
@Lauren63
Hi.
Why not try to explain why you were there a little bit. When we go to the hospital for a broken arm, we explain. It is on overtime that mental illness and physical illnesses become the same to talk about. If they don't understand - so what! Be glad they say they want to be your friends. Next time maybe one of them is struggling with depression or whatever.
For myself, I am 65 and recently separated from my husband. I don't have very many friends or family. I don't have the energy (or desire) to do things with others. I'm kind of looking at my life a mostly a waste. I've suffered with mental illness since the age of 12 or 13 but continued to work and be in society. Part of me likes being alone, but some of me feels lonely. I feel like my life is over and there's not much good I can do mostly because I have to work full time now that I'm separated and I am a very low energy person. So, I thought well, at least I can go on some internet sites and encourage other people which makes me feel better. But realizing you're getting closer and closer to the end of your life is a strange journey, indeed.
@susanitamn
Thanks for your post. I have had similar thoughts but am unable to express myself as well as do.
@susanitamn
It takes a lot of courage and strength to say no to a disfunctional relationship and you can be very proud of yourself. I am glad that you find meaning in encouraging others despite your own struggles 
@susanitamn, Susan, I wish we lived close. Maybe we could provide each other companionship. I'm 57 and live alone. I've had mental health illness all my life, too. I'm about to move in with my sister and her husband and begin to help them. She has parkinsons and he is 73 with health issues, too. I can't but help any possibility of me meeting someone special is gone. But I can't worry about things that haven't happened. I have been struggling with that, so am trying to focus on what I know and what is positive. Take care and best wishes.
I am recently separated from my boyfriend of almost 8 years, I have been married twice before and I am having feelings of guilt and that I might be the problem in my relationships. I'm a loyal person try to make everyone happy and for the most part I am except that I feel I have some of my parents habits that broke them apart and would like to change them.
@enthusiasticZebra8248
Hi zebra, nice to see you here. Sorry to hear about your breakup, I hope you are getting through okay, hugs. Many things can cause a breakup, however, I think its never the fault of one person alone.
It seems though you believe that your parents story repeated itself with you, maybe it would be helpful to connect to a listener 1:1 to go more into detail about this.
What are some challenges you are facing at the moment?
Buying a house. It brings a whole load of challenges, money being the major one.
Would you like to see them (if possible) or a particular topic to be talked here about more in detail? Not really.
@Offmytrack
Buying a house is one of the major events in a persons life and the financial part can be worrisome. I hope you will find the right house which will still leave you some financial freedom.
@amiablePeace77 We bought a house. It is all the stresses and strains that accompany buying a house that we are dealing with now.
@Offmytrack
Glad you found a house, I can imagine it wasn't easy to find the right one. Hope that things will soon improve for your and there will be less strain.
What are some challenges you are facing at the moment?
My car has been at the auto body shop for a month now and it was supposed to take only a week. I can't get around. I haven't been able to get to the food pantry. I'm supposed to move to a new home but haven't been able to do that because of my car. I had to get a hernia repair last Wednesday and have been in pain since then, too.
Worse than anything else, though, is I need therapy and haven't had any since mid-March because of the virus. I had to have myself committed for over a week in May because of my state of mind. It didn't do much good, though.
Would you like to see them (if possible) or a particular topic to be talked here about more in detail?
Yes, the therapy. I need therapy. I wish I could talk in detail about the issues I have as a result of the abuse, but even when I could see therapists, they seemed to find certain topics too uncomfortable. I'm a man and can't talk to a man about these things, because it was a man who abused me. I would like a woman to listen to me and talk to me about these things.
@WharfRat
You sound frustrated and that is understandable reading what you're going through. Hugs. I am so sorry that things are so tough for you. Abuse is damaging and always terrible. It hurts even more when it is less socially recognized compared to female abuse, but it's the same pain, same fears. Hugs.
I hope you will find a listener here (you can browse listeners by gender) https://www.7cups.com/BrowseListeners/?badge=&find=&sort=&ageGroup=&listType=&country=&category=&gender=F&language=
Hi, was informed I was removed from this forum. Think I need to be tagged. Am new and unfamiliar with the format, sorry
@Roxymar thanks for requesting to be on the alert tag list to be notified of new threads. If you mean something else please send me a message here https://www.7cups.com/@soulsings
Most discussions are pop up rooms that only appear for discussions. If you cannot see the room during a schedule discussion, then check the alert when you log in that tells you what else you need to do to enter the topic rooms like Fifty Plus and Mindfulness and Thirty Five Plus.
hi, I'm new to this website. I just became an empty nester and am having a hard time adjusting. I know what I need to do, but feel stuck in a rut.
@RKBG welcome to 7cups and the 50+ subcom. I hope to see you more on the forums and possibly in discussions if that appeals to you.
@RKBG
Welcome!
What are some challenges you are facing at the moment?
Prove myself in my job even when I am sure about my failure, and get ready for my exam, and forgetting my feelings towards my married professor.
Would you like to see them (if possible) or a particular topic to be talked here about more in detail?
Maybe.
@DinaElwy your plan sounds very practical. Having a relationship with a married person is a risky and frustrating experience because it is almost always a temporary situation. Plus getting involved with a professor could jeopardize your college success.
@soulsings Yes, I know that if he knows anything about my feelings, it will be a humiliating situation and I will be severely hurt.
@amiablePeace77
- a particular topic:
The grief in our lives. How to handle it. What is the biggest grief in your life.
The loss in our lives. How to handle it. What are the biggest loss in your life.
Is there a meaning in suffering.
I know these topics do not seem to be "funny" at all. But there is so much in our lives that is not funny. Maybe by letting "the cat out of the bag" as we say in Norway can bring som relief to our lives?
Helga.
@Helgafy thank you for these ideas. We love serious discussions in 50+ and hope you will join us. I am working on the schedule for August and September and hope to include ones you mentioned on the schedule.
This link will be also August and Septermber when it is ready.