Anxiety, Fear of people
Today I was invited to a Birthday party. They are a bit new friends we made through our dog. We got friends because our dogs really love each other so we always talked and they are really nice people. What I didn’t expect that there will be at least 20 people on the party. I thought maybe few friends. So I wasn’t really prepeared. (Maybe better otherwise I changed my mind) So we got there and I started to feel my heart is beating so fast. I got extremly scared and anxious. I didn’t know any of those people. My partner was with me which helped a bit and my dog. I felt so bad. I got like frozen and don’t know What to say or How to act. Anyways when we left it’s like a stone fell down from my heart. I felt safe again. Is there any tricks you do when you feel like this? (I am extremly introvert person but once I know someone I can be more relaxed)
Thank you and Have a nice day!
@kala
I hear you!
As someone who also struggles with anxiety, I like to know all the details of an event before I attend.
That way I can mentally prepare myself! I cans see how it would have been overwhelming for you to see more people than you expected. I'm proud that you stuck through it!
Have you tried any grounding technique? <3💛💫
Great idea. In that moment I totally forgot about it. Thank you !
@kala Hey :) I've found that having a few ways to help keep myself grounded helps. My breathing is the first indicator that there's a problem. So I try to focus on getting that slowed doan. That can help slow your heart rate too. If a quiet moment is needed you could excuse your self to the bathroom. There you can run cold water on your hands or splash your face and just take a moment. It can take time to figure out what works with grounding yourself and what works one time might not work the next. It's ok - it's normal :) Be patient with yourself ok?
Ok 🤗 Thank you so much for your advice.
@kala You're welcome :) There's a really easy grounding method called the rainbow method. I say easy because it's easier for me to remember rather than the 12345 method. With the rainbow method you look for things that are the color of the rainbow. Might be worth a try :)
@mytwistedsoul
Thank you so much I will give it a try! 🤗
@kala Hi. I used to identify as an introvert. I am still introverted at times, and I don’t always enjoy social interactions, or prefer to make it a “short visit.” But there are lots of good sources of info available. Everyone at that gathering had one thing in common - everyone is feeling something. Everyone wants to enjoy the interaction. Many might also be feeling a bit uncomfortable themselves. You can make them feel more comfortable by showing interest and asking them questions about themselves. When they start fo feel more comfortable with you, you’ll also feel more comfortable with them. But the starting point is before the social gathering. Mindfulness meditation can help us feel ok watching our own emotions. When we get skilled with that through some practice (maybe a few weeks for myself) then when we are in interaction with others the breathing technique can help you be “ok” with your nervousness and feel more comfortable around others. This is a skill, like timing your shoes or riding a bike, and takes a little bit of patience, but you had someone to show you how to do these things. Hard at first but possible to get skillful enough to feel comfortable. Plus, you have a lot to offer to others. You can do this!
— All the best
@kala I can relate Kala.
Sometimes I just don't know what to say to people. I usually find people to be very competitive. Which puts me off. Because im looking to make a connection with common ground. I wish I could have more positive people experiences. It would make life less isolated.
@kala I've experienced similar feelings in social settings my entire life. The level of anxiety varies and is dependent upon many factors. For example, it tends to be worse if it's an event that I have been dreading for weeks because that increases my worry and anxiety. Social situations are also a trigger for me because I've been in many social settings in which the conversation has turned and become unpleasant or stressful. Therefore, in the back of my mind, I am always wondering (even on a small level) is the conversation going to take a wrong turn (become hostile, turn to politics, etc.) As an introvert, a difficult conversation can sometimes be hard to process. Not to mention introverts tend to need a bit of recovery time from "normal' events. :)
Only as I've gotten older have I stopped (over) worrying about what others think. This is something that helps me navigate stressful social situations. No one knows what you're going through better than you. Sometimes we have to make decisions based on what's best for our mental health. :) In the past few years, I've started driving separate to social functions and also giving myself a time limit. For example, I'll tell myself that I will stay one hour and fifteen minutes and then politely leave. (People leave social gatherings early all the time---and it's ok. If it's not ok, then that's about the other person and not you.) Having a time limit helps because it allows me have an endpoint in sight vs. wondering how long this torture is going to last. haha. It actually helps me to be more calm, relaxed, and enjoy the conversation more knowing that "I know when I get to leave." :) Also, you don't have to stick to your deadline---if the party is better than expected and you are enjoying the conversation (without anxiety) then you are free to stay. Giving myself permission to leave though when I want to has really helped. I hope that helps some. :)
@kala
20 people during pandemic times? That's a yikes just on it's own. I hope at least most of them had masks or it was outdoors.
Anyway stuff that works for me: shoving all the nervous tension into one limb so it's less of an all over feeling; having a "grounding" object to fiddle with in one of my hands in case of a stress spike that can help remind me the moment won't last and gives me something to focus on outside of myself; focused breathing from diaphragm especially on the exhales; not separating from the people I do know until I feel comfy enough to do so even if that moment doesn't come during the event; giving myself permission to recluse to a corner just to sit and take in the event from a comfy spot instead of trying to full on mingle because it's okay to ease yourself slowly into social situations even if it's from a more aloof spot (people that are understanding of introverts and socially anxious will not be offended by this if they know that you need time and/or space to warm up to things).
