Emotional Support
I’m hoping to get some feedback on how others might handle a situation like this. A while ago, someone in our activity group yelled at me in public. My partner witnessed it and didn’t stand up for me. Since then, he’s continued to be involved in activities hosted by that person and even supported their business every week, which has left me feeling hurt and upset.
To add to that, he sometimes goes out of his way to be extremely friendly to people who have hurt me, like turning around to greet them when it’s not necessary. This makes me feel diminished, knowing that he’s being so kind to someone who treated me unreasonably.
I’m curious to know how others would approach this: How would you stand up for your partner in a similar situation, and what actions would you consider supportive and reassuring? And if you were on the other side of the coin, what would you expect your partner to do for you?
@SerenityJoy2020
This really is a case by case basis. I understand you had a serious reaction to whatever occurred to end up being yelled at -or disrespected in public. Are you mad or embarrassed or both?
What did you want your partner to do yell back and escalate? Boycott whatever business and not speak to others who may have witnessed it and you might feel they took sides?
Yes, I would want my partner to support me but there is always details that make the difference. Have you had a talk about how you feel and maybe they will tell you how they saw the situation. Maybe they are the peacemaker type trying to move past as fast as they can by acting like things were over.
When someone we disagreed with or had one issue with then we decide they are the enemy and anyone in circle of acquaintances placed on team A or Team ME This is escalating and keeping the incident ALIVE.
Let me be clear: I’m not someone who expects my partner to scream back or fight, that would be just as barbaric as what was done to me. What I hoped for was a quiet but clear show of support, something that says, “I see what happened, and I’m here with you.”
I’ve never tried to stir up conflict. Even when I found myself in a game with the same person again, I didn’t create tension. I was civil and even cracked a joke when she made a comment. I don’t hold grudges, I believe in handling tension with grace, not bitterness. But grace shouldn’t be mistaken for indifference, I still feel the sting of not being supported when it mattered.
This isn’t about dividing people into sides. It’s about trust, whether your partner sees your pain and chooses to stand beside you, even quietly. When that’s missing, and instead, they’re warm and friendly with the one who hurt you, and not only that, he jumped in to support them whenever they asked for help, it cuts deep. It’s not peacemaking. It feels like betrayal masked as neutrality.
Pain like that doesn’t just fade with time, not when it leaves behind a quiet turmoil that’s never been acknowledged, let alone healed
I understand you completely. Honestly, in a situation like that — someone shouting at you in public while you're with your partner — it’s natural to expect at least a minimum reaction, some words of support, or a protective gesture. It’s not just about the moment itself, but about how alone or exposed you might have felt.
I don’t want to say your partner doesn’t care about you, but that’s exactly why I think it’s important for you to be totally honest with him about how you felt. He might not realize the impact it had on you. Only by expressing it can you really know what’s going on in his head — whether he was just distracted, if he simply handles things differently, or if he’s prioritizing something else like business interests over emotional support.
What confuses me a bit is whether you already told him how much this affected you. Every person reacts differently, and the way this hit you is completely valid. Just because he didn’t react doesn't necessarily mean he doesn’t love you — some people shut down under pressure or don’t know how to act in emotionally intense moments. But that’s not an excuse — it’s something to talk about openly.
At the end of the day, the only way to avoid overthinking and emotional buildup is by putting things into words. I hope you take care of yourself, and that this gives you even a little bit of clarity. I’m not sure if this perspective helps, but I say it with the best intentions.
Thank you for your reply, Franse. Yes, I’ve definitely spoken to him, many times. What hurts me more is his ongoing support and excessive friendliness toward people who’ve hurt me. Not only did she shout at me—her husband did too, just over a dispute about the score. To me, that kind of behavior felt really aggressive and uncalled for. It wasn’t a business transaction he had with her, he simply bought pastries from her shop.
I didn’t stop him from playing or buying from her at first. But when I realized her husband was supporting her by not going to the café because she had a problem with the owner, I felt that I, too, deserved that kind of protection and love.
Instead of hearing me out, he got upset, raised his voice, and told me to let it go, accusing me of holding onto things for years. That really hurt and only made me feel worse
I think one of the core needs in a partnership is to have each other’s back. That’s a very important issue for me.
First, don't focus on what other couples do. Compare is the killer of joy and happiness.
Focus in what you feel and how your partner reaction. Honestly I don't know what is happening true his head, but to be honest he doesn't gives me a good impression. Invalidating your feelings and perspective is not something healthy to the relationship. Is okey if he doesn't truly understand you, is really difficult, but at least show the intention is what we all need in this kind of situation. I hope, at least you feel a little better this days and I wish you the best. Ill pray for a good resolution.
@SerenityJoy2020 honestly, i completely get you. its not just about the moment when you were yelled at, but everything that came after. i’s totally understandable that you would feel hurt seeing your partner continue to support or be kind to someone who disrespected you. in a relationship, its natural to want to feel protected and emotionally backed up, especially when were vulnerable in public. if i were in your shoes, i think i would also feel let down.
personally, standing up for a partner atleast to me means having their back in subtle and visible ways. it doesnt always mean confrontation, but it does mean making sure they dont feel alone. a quiet word after, some boundaries around those people, or even just validating their feelings in private can go a long way. if i were on the other side, i would want my partner to show they take my hurt seriously, even if they don’t fully understand it. youre not wrong for feeling that way, he should have done something.
I know how you are feeling.
Maybe you are sensitive for feeling left alone with no support. Maybe your partner sees it at a different point.
