Things my mind hides or loses….which is beginning to be just about everything .
Trigger warning for many things, not sure of specifics until I write it down
I think I have other writings here …. somewhere…that are similar. Possibly with the same content, intention and purpose. Documentation of my issues and decline so maybe after I am gone that it might help someone from having a “life” like mine.
First of all, I better write down something while I still have a few threads in my mind.
I had this dream/nightmare that seems real familiar but don’t know why. Unfortunately, I don’t remember much now since I insisted on writing the intro first.
I was living in a huge house, or maybe I was just really small? There were other people there but I have now forgotten what they looked like . For some reason there were these long electrical cords with plug pigtails every foot or so connected all over the house. These cords are identical to ones I periodically use in my real world job. Well this was pointless, I have now forgotten everything I was trying to remember to write down here.
But, then again it’s what has become my normal daily routine. Forgetting everything from one step to the next.
I have a reminder board that helps try and guide me back to this community, making sure I know this is a safe place. I also have a highlighted note there that tells me to remember to not discuss certain topics here because of the fear of the current governments overreaching childish racist, prejudice behavior rolling back the positive acceptance and changes reached over the years and preaching hate masked as religion.
I also highlighted the personal things I shouldn’t discuss here because of that. I think even my personal doctor has given up on me because of the new legal landscape around this country. I looked at the notes left after my last visit and they were very blunt in what they stated. Plus she wanted me to schedule the next appointment six months from then. Which is an extremely long time from the normal times.
She is probably right though. Her final words are probably what is going to be my reality. She has really pushed me for going back to therapy and all that goes with that. I have resisted that for many reasons including the lifetime of doing all of that and still being the way I am. The reality is tgat I think not continuing that path and stumbling into this community was the better path. Especially considering everything happening in this country and around the world right now. Private information including medical information are being accessed by the people in power so that that information can be weaponized against us.
The freedom that we have been lucky enough to have for so long is being quickly stripped away and soon will be replaced with fear and control.
Sorry, I am rambling on about unrelated things. This was supposed to be a spot to write down things before they ho missing from my mind.
I will stop for now..
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
🫂💕 we are here for you this is a safe nonjudgmental space for you
sending love ,hope and hugs your way
Managed to crawl out of bed and finished cleaning the concrete pile off my driveway. Still have a hardpacked raised area where the concrete pile was at . Might have to wait till next year when ground thaws and that area might loosen up a bit with the dampness.
Truck bed is now tree free. Still need to mount tire bracket. Resting now, might get up after a while and try and dig out the spraycart and at least get it to the side of the house for possibly next weekend to get the hitch welded on.
Maybe get some things out of my shed to get them to my garage. Shed clean out and organize before winter is something that needs done while I am still able.
I’m a whiner but I am in a lot of pain, it is very close to the levels I was at when I was down last year. I’m dealing with it, I am pushing myself more than I should but I learned last year that movement can be taken from me at any time. So I’m trying to get the bigger projects done before it happens again.
Been utilizing the pain pills leftover from last year. Very sporadically but still utilizing them. I don’t like taking meds but tight now if it can mask some of the pain so I can get the projects done I am willing to chance it.
Once again, I want to say thank you to those who pop in to my writings and share their kindness and encouragement. I’m not responding directly to everyone but I am trying to make sure I read what is written and upvote your message.
I’m done with projects for now, my body is cursing and berating me heavily. I did manage to dig out the spraycart and move it beside the house.
No need to apologise, you speak with clarity.❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami hi sweetie 💖 sorry I haven't been around for a couple of days but I'm here now 💖 I knew you were good with tools and stuff, but you really are quite the handyman💖 I'm so proud and happy to hear your up and about keeping busy so much 💖💖 but I do worry about you very much, please listen to your body ok? 💖 I know you don't like meds but your doing really well 💖 have you had more scary dreams lately?? Hugs you tightly 💖 I love you 💗
I haven’t been sleeping much at all lately, so no dreams that I remember.
I love you too
@Iamwhoiamwhoami no dreams are better than scary/confusing ones so that's good💖 so you taking today to relax and recover a bit from all your hard work??
I have my regular job that I have to do to pay the bills . So no, not taking it easy. Just doing my job is hard enough on my body , much less what I have to do at home during my off time.
It doesn’t matter, life happens.
I’m:
Sounds like you are going through a lot with your physical health problems and memory issues and home problems. You feel that you e alone snd abandoned. Try your best to think positive thoughts and know that there are people who care about you here. Keep reaching out for support in places that are supportive like here. Best wishes. ❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami hi sweetie 💖 hope work went ok 💖 I haven't long woke up, my sleep schedule is sooo messed up right now 🙁 I've set up a play area for my 3 little piggies😁 (guinea pigs) so I'm having my coffee and then going to play with them😁💖 I hope you have a great day 💖 I'm right here if you need me 💖 hugs you tightly 💖 I love you 💗
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami 😂😂😂 still not working😁💖
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami 😂😂 and that's just squiggles again😂😂 what is wrong with your comouter
@Tinywhisper11 computer*
Not sure , only happens trying to insert the hearts