Things my mind hides or loses….which is beginning to be just about everything .

I don't know who had the bright idea to organize the shed....

That project is as done as it gets for now. Possibly will need one more shelving unit. I still need to make sure the snowblower in there starts ok. Then the one for the back driveway as well.

Not sure when that will happen, I should address them in the morning but we'll see.

If I can lose some of the pain I should try and get the welder out and weld the hitch to the spray cart tonight.

Laying here with the tv on and the dvd player playing movies and shows as I have done for a long time. Background noise is what I usually use it for , periodically watching a little bit but not for long. The latest thing playing is an older tv series. I have probably had it in the rotation many, many times over the years. So even though I haven't physically watched them all the way through, I am familiar with the sounds . I just noticed when swapping dvds that I was actually skipping over dvds in the set. They were actually one on the front side of the "page" and one on the back side of the "page". I thought they were only on the front side and didn't realize that I was skipping them. I flipped back to the first one that I missed in the current season and the I sounds weren't ones that I recognized. I wonder if I have accidentally skipped these on every season .

Par for the course with me though. I could have a large solid white surface with only one black item, say the size of a frying pan, in the middle of that white area and nothing else on that white surface and I could spend an hour trying to find the frying pan.

Somewhat awake, I think..... forced myself to crawl out of bed and try and get motivated to shower and get dressed to go outside get the welding stuff outside and complete the next phase of welding on the spraycart.

In order to avoid falling back in bed, I added to the clutter in my house by removing the shelves, drawers and guides in my secondary fridge (used) that I picked up from someone awhile ago. Probably two or three years ago?

The compressor has been acting up on my main one. Plus the freezer part has some issues.

But, before I lose my train of thought, I need to really clean it before I plug it in to verify it still works. It is a little gross on the bottom half of the cooler side. Plus the doors were propped open for awhile outside before I got it and debris that blew in needs cleaned out.

I need to take a shower next , but I don't have the ambition to start anything at all. The sun will be peeking through before long and I should be out there to get the next step on that project done.

Then .....??., trying to get the front snowblower running. Other than the steps and sidewalk issues I can't think of anything else that needs completed outside.

There is one more thing, I need to get the spare tire rack mounted in the personal truck. That way if it's needed it isn't frozen to the truck bed. Possibly, should swap the tire that keeps losing air with the spare and put that one on the tire rack.

Maybe......maybe not....

Trigger warnings....Trigger warnings . for multiple topics hinted at but everything is still only my opinions, my version of the events surrounding me and society.

Before I lose the thoughts that I was able to grasp onto, I better try and put them down here.

As I was trying to get ready to go outside to try and finish a couple tasks, my mind locked in on the current state of affairs locally and globally. More so on the hyper focus that individuals and groups across all of society are ripping apart everything people have struggled and strived for. The working together concept that appeared to be starting to gain momentum has been abruptly reversed and replaced with judgment and hate.

I know that struggles are everywhere . I have tried to avoid letting all of that affect my own decisions. Partly because I try and see and understand all sides of a situation, I think that most situations there is not necessarily a 100% right or 100% wrong side. That is because too often all the relevant information and facts are either ignored, incorrect or not known.

Ok, processes such as in manufacturing or baking, do have particular steps that have to be followed, normally very precisely. However to accomplish each of those steps sometimes they may be accomplished in different ways to achieve the same results.

Anyway, I better try and stay focused. Recently things have drastically changed in the place I live and those things have affected the entire world. Not positively but extremely negative. I'm sure that divisions have been growing for a long time and the final straw was people's blurred perception of reality due to not knowing, not wanting to know or plain believing that if they don't like something/someone that it or they shouldn't exist. The belief that only what they think or believe matters.

Like I said this is only my thoughts and my perception of things. Violence , the extreme violence that is progressively occurring more and more by people across the spectrum of society is being used to over analyze each person who commits these atrocious actions. Their beliefs and who they are, inside and out, from their lifestyle to their personal beliefs, are being picked apart and weaponized by the divided groups.

This has happened in places worldwide for a long time. Society in general I believe has been working to conquer that hate and prejudice for a long time, and it can be hard to see but things were headed in a better safer more accepting world.

Unfortunately all it took to unravel that was politics in one country. Now people are being targeted and hunted for their thoughts, beliefs, opinions, who they choose to talk to, their looks, ideas, job or career, even using lies to turn the focus from peoples minds from what is being done so blatantly by way too many that have the power yet are so far wrapped up in themselves that they don't care about the real world and the everyday lives of those trying to live and survive in it.

They are so far removed from the real world they think that making people disappear from their eyesight makes them right. That those actions are justified because they deem it so.

I fear the future not just directly around me but for the entire world. Hatred is bubbling to the top and I truly fear what may happen when it boils over.

People all have their breaking points. And when the highest person in a countries government has blatantly promoted violence as long as it suits his agenda plus pardoning all those who followed his lead and committed heinous acts that should never have been allowed to get even remotely to the point it did. They are telling people that extreme violence is ok as long as it suits his interests and narrative.

Which in turn promotes fear and defensive actions and behavior in those who disagree with them.

What happened to listening, accepting trying to understand and empathize. With trying to work together to make things better. Everybody has their own opinions and beliefs and should be respected for their opinions, differences, identities and how they live. It is their life to live. However they should respect everyone else for the same reasons. As long as the basic principles of humanity are respected, we should be able to be our true selves without feeling the intimidation and implied shame for our beliefs just because you don't like it, don't understand it, don't want to understand it. How, in any way, other than you may pass by me on the street or sidewalk, maybe even drive past where I live everyday, how does that realistically affect you and your life. Blaming me because I am who I am, yet we don't hang out together, or associate with each other is not a realistic or rational thing.

I don't tell you who you should be, where you should work or what to wear, because honestly I truly am not interested in you or your lifestyle. I don't tell you that whatever thoughts you have in your head are wrong because they don't align with mine.

What happened to the freedoms that have been fought for by all those living and those who died believing that freedom was what they were fighting for. Now the military is now being used for something it was never supposed to be.

How simple things so precious unravel so quickly by simply pulling on a thread.

I am sorry for really rambling. I just hope that the stopper can be put in the drain before everything that was good for society and world relations completely disappears. All that hard work by so many people over decades and decades is being destroyed and I fear the end result is not going to be beneficial to anyone, including those who still wouldn't see the forest for the trees. They would still think that despite destroying society and world collaborations for the betterment of living life, that they are right for destroying humanity because they didn't like what they saw out of their "mansion on the hill"

I wonder if and how many of the people who hate and despise others for whatever reasons have truly tried to get to know that individual or did they "judge a book by its cover"? Did someone say something about that person or does that person look different or act different, do they talk funny , with an accent, or a disability of some kind, strange behaviors that you don't understand?

Accepting others for who they are and accepting and respecting their differences, choices, boundaries and values are simple things to do, especially considering you expect them to do the same for you. Before one judges someone, they should make a legitimate effort to get to know the person, they are someone who has the right to be different in many ways from you. That is something that this country has been called for a long time, "a melting pot". A true country started by immigrants. Now it's beginning to be a sin to be one . Extreme invasions of privacy and disregard for laws and regulations and simple basic human rights rights are being perpetrated daily by those in the highest seats of power in a country founded on beliefs completely opposite of what is currently being done. A country founded on democracy and fairness and equality, of accountability and justice provided that those being held accountable were treated fairly and with respect, especially regarding human dignity. A country striving to be a leader globally in those things has become the complete opposite, Still a leader but one that appears to want global domination instead of peace , fairness , equality and acceptance.

I'm done for now

@Iamwhoiamwhoami 😂😂😂 you couldn't find a black frying pan on a empty white table😂😂 that made me laugh😂😂💖 I know you bottled up that vent for some time now, I'm glad you finally said your mind 💖 it's very sad how lessons we learnt are so easily taken away 😥 there will always be evil, greed, discrimination and fear🙁 how I wish it wasn't so😥 so much ignorance in this world, makes you question  the human race. But I for one have hope for us still, in times of deep depression we must never let go of hope💖 

You did a lot today 💖 I hope you get time to relax now 💖 hugs you tightly 💖I love you 💗

@Iamwhoiamwhoami hi sweetie 💖 hope you have a good day today 💖

@Tinywhisper11

Thank you . 💖

Today was the same as any other day for me. I don't classify good or bad. One day is the same as the last.

@Tinywhisper11

Probably not, I don't have any real interests. 💖

Have been battling myself for awhile, a few days , weeks, months, years...?...? One of millions who dread the thought of going to work much less the struggle to get there, then to stay. Yet there is no reason to hurry home other than my laundry list of issues/struggles.

Not sure how much is related to the job , or the company or some/all of the people. Or if it's the fact my body physically can't handle it anymore, I would throw in the mentally not able to, which is also true but that particular fact is tainted by the fact I can't handle much of anything period. Add in the full combo of mental, physical and the reality of brain fading/flickering. Plus the realistic overall environment in this country that makes a realistic picture involving me and a forced career change to something that I can handle and feel productive near impossible. I'm not in any kind of realistic situation to ask for help to accomplish anything to that end . My personal vehicle is in dire need of major repairs due to several reasons, most are self inflicted. I live more than a few miles from the closest city that I would have to commute to in order to jump through the ridiculous hoops tgat keep getting piled on by certain greedy, corrupt politicians.

I have burned through any drive I had to get outdoor projects finished. . I am completely drained........

Purpose of continuing the minute to minute, day to day struggles is nonexistent.