Coping With Low Self Esteem
HI there. As part of Mental Health Awareness month, the 50+ sub-community is doing this forum and a support group on the topic of Mental Health and Low Self Esteem. The support group will be in the Fifty Plus Group chat room at 5PM EDT on Tuesday May 19th (today) and the room will open 10 minutes before the guided discussion begins.
So what is self-esteem? Self-esteem refers to a persons overall sense of his or her value or worth. It can be considered a sort of measure of how much a person values, approves of, appreciates, prizes, or likes him or herself (Adler & Stewart, 2004).
So self esteem is not set in stone. Our reactions to life can lower or raise our self esteem, so in that sense we do potentially have control over our self esteem, but we need to exercise that right and ability. For instance: A parent or partner yells at you: "You stupid no good idiot. Why do I even bother with you?"
One reaction: You think "wow are they having a bad day or what? Boy I hope they get over this soon cause I am not going to get into a fight with them!" Self esteem not damaged that much because of our reaction.
Another reaction: You think: " oh no I am a bad person. No one could love me. I must be stupid." Ouch! Self esteem takes a big hit and we feel awful.
The other person does not lower or raise our self esteem by what they say. We lower our self esteem when we own what the person says about us. So how can we stop reacting to all the negative thoughts and ideas in our world. That is the topic that mindfulness addresses and it is not a simple one time fix. Mindfulness needs to be practiced over time.
What can we do now to start practicing?
1) Stop and breathe.
2) Avoid reacting - if necessary retreat to a safe place like a bathroom or bedroom or in your car.
3) Do not confront the person. When we confront someone we get caught up in the struggle with the ideas another presents. Non reaction allows our self esteem to remain intact or at least not as badly damaged
4) Find a way to release the experience. The more we focus on an experience or person, the stronger the effect it has on us.
5) Be kind to yourself. Have a self care plan that involves activities that boost our sense of self. In the end, we have to be our own best friend to maintain a steady sense of self eseteem.
6) Flow like water around difficult situations rather than trying to bulldoze our way through the mountain.
What is a time in your life that you felt best about yourself?
What was your positive self esteem based on?
What time in life without getting into graphic details was a low point in terms of self esteem?
I tried to copy the questions with no luck, I struggle to recall a time when I was confident, but I do recall forcing myself to "man up" & "fake it until you make it" when I made a career change. It did not turn out well, ended quite disastrously the first time and appears to have happened again. So my positive self esteem appears to have been internally generated by force. Perhaps a lack of persons that genuinely care for me is the root. Moving on to the last question, right now my self esteem is at it's lowest. I get many affirmations on 7 cups, but over time you realize most are shallow and fleeting. Even listeners wane in thier support, nature of the beast I suppose. Having zero support network in real life is daunting, how to find affirmation that is genuine is a large hurdle.
@ruffneckred aww while I agree on that, of course a real life system to support you is best, don't lose hope there might be people online who can continue to help :(
@ruffneckred
@ruffneckred I'm sorry to hear about what you are going thru. I haven't seen you in some 50plus/35plus discussions lately. I hope to see you again soon.
@ruffneckred sometimes we can fake it and it turns out okay sometimes have to listen to our hearts.
Sorry you are having a tough time at the mo. Hope things pick up for you again . After I lost my dad I felt things were so bad that they could only get better really. So hopefully things will fit you @ruffneckred
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What is a time in your life that you felt best about yourself?
Probably when I was a college student
What was your positive self esteem based on?
Going to classes, getting good grades (mostly), thinking that I knew what I was doing
What time in life without getting into graphic details was a low point in terms of self esteem?
Now, as the accumulation of a lifetime full of mistakes, failures, regrets, lost friends, and pain is weighing me down and I'm old, with little time to get something right
@WharfRat I hear you about success in school being a boost to our self esteem.
I am not sure what you see as old but I like what Rumi says about the spirit of joy and love for which it is never too late to begin again
[paraphrased] "If I am gasping for my last breath in this world, if you only say the word I will jump up and sing and dance to celebrate You."
The way I interpret it, it is never too late to start again. Try a mindfulness discussion. We are all starting again to live in this present moment. Schedule is here
What is a time in your life that you felt best about yourself?
I felt best about myself when I was working.
What was your positive self esteem based on?
It was based on me feeling competent, independent, goal driven, and knowing I was building the life I wanted....MY dream, MY goals.
What time in life without getting into graphic details was a low point in terms of self esteem?
My early 20's....single mother, just out of a bad marriage, felt completely hopeless that I could ever be successful at anything.
@affectionateNorth4018 I am sorry you had a marriage that was not what you expected but most of the people I know had unexpected things happen in their 20's. What I think is admirable is you did not let that stop you but went ahead and had a successful work career. Kudos to you!
@soulsings
What is a time in your life that you felt best about yourself?
When I was being nerdy in college and working with panache and wearing cute dresses
What was your positive self esteem based on?
Good looks, good style, good wishes, friends
What time in life without getting into graphic details was a low point in terms of self esteem?
Being depressed in highschool and locked up in my room
being sincere was a big and important thing
@soulsings
What is a time in your life that you felt best about yourself?: What an absurd question. There was NEVER a time where I felt best about myself.
What was your positive self esteem based on?: I have zero self esteem, therefore no positivity.
What time in life without getting into graphic details was a low point in terms of self esteem?: Every time in my life from when I was 13.
@azuladragon34
hugs!
@soulsings
What is a time in your life that you felt best about yourself?
Ans: I felt best when I was honest with myself and those around me. I also felt my best when everyone is happy around me and when I am working.
What was your positive self esteem based on?
Ans: School (I have dropped out), family, loved ones, and outside environment
What time in life without getting into graphic details was a low point in terms of self esteem?
Ans: When I dropped out of school and had to move without telling anyone
@soulsings
interesting idea
flow like water around a problem
Maybe that is my new superpower
when faced with a confronting put down I can think " I am water" and imagine flowing around it [Shazzam}
Yesterday I felt valued as I became an active listener on 7 cups for the first time
After taking two chats and getting positive feedback, I felt good about my contribution to the world
What a great feeling it is to give to someone such warmth and understanding
Cheers
I am making progress with my self esteem today
I am taking charge of my life
I am learning to communicate my feelings clearly
I am learning about boundaries
I am reaching out and helping others and am feeling valued
I am Water I can adjust to conflict and obstacles and I can go around them and work with them@soulsings
@soulsings
What is a time in your life that you felt best about yourself?
I try to make all my days the best I can. I live each day as it comes not worry about yesterday ( unless something happened and I need to work on it.) never worry about tomorrow as I do not know what it will bring.
What was your positive self esteem based on?
I try maintaining a positive self esteem each day by working on things which brought me down. I write in my journal each day morning and before bedtime. I use it as a check list of things that I may have to work on.
What time in life without getting into graphic details was a low point in terms of self esteem?
Low points for me is the day before my birthday and Mother's day and May 29th. My Mom passed away 16 years ago so I try keeping myself in a postiive mood on those days. Also Christmas She always made it special since my parents divorced. I keep momentos of her around my office at the shop and the house to know She is with me always.
@pamharley003 sorry for your losses. Family are always dear to me even when they are no longer in this world. Hugs
