Adult content, tik tok and binge eating
Hello everyone.
I've been touched by your numerous stories so i thought why not sharing mine.
I've been struggling with addictions most of my life, has started with food, then scrolling social medias, and adult content. Lately, i've also added stimulant substances like cafeine.
Each time i tried to reduce one, i had to double dose on other to keep going.
And i always wondered what was wrong with me. I often thought, is it toxic shame, cptsd, autism adhd? But i am starting to believe that it's just me.
Today was a little turning point. I had planned my whole week-end to study and do my projects all well. But i messed up. Again. Bsed the whole day. I started at 7 and everything was going well til 12. Tasks were taking longer than expected. I tried til 15. Then period cramps hit and just gave in. Scrolled binged BSED the whole day. It was awful.
And the hidden part is making it even worse. I like the version of others when they think i am high archiver. Uni, start-ups, association sports social im doing in all in once. Or i shall say i pretend. I'm just scared of everyone finding out that im not this perfect academic weapon all well organized with her huge google calendar. That everyone would find out how much of a mess i am in fact. How messy and impefect and suboptimal i truely am.
And the most hyprocriticl part is me adoring playing the victim. Pretending not understanding how am i not attaining my fitness goals while being seen training hard. Knowing damn well i binge eat AS SOON AS a minor inconvinence hit. How dont i get perfect grades while i am seen arriving so early and sonserious at uni? Knowing damn well i scolled as soon as im home. In short, pretending and caring only about my external image.
And the compliments never satisfies me. Knowing how much of a mess i am, how could one be so blinded by this whole game that im playing, to be point of congratuling me?
Each time i mess up this bad as i did today, im just hoping for the day to end quick and have anothe chance for tomorrow. And the next day, im doing the exact same ***. :)))
I just dont know what to do with myself anymore. I tried CBT, reading books on it, time management, pomodoros, sub-tasks, cold showers, study parteners, accountability, almost everything i could think of.
Open to advices, discussions and feedbacks.
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@eli314 Damn I can totally relate it 😭
So sorry to hear this eli
@eli314 Hey this is really relatable and I've also struggled with what I think is cptsd. I have a lot of shame and I also want to escape the world whenever I feel judged or when something doesn't go as planned. Like it looks like I get mad out of nowhere or start isolating myself. Maybe the way you were talked to by your guardians passed onto your self talk? Like they could have been judgmental and now that's you say the same things to yourself. I'm still struggling and have been trying to improve so I read a book on acceptance and commitment therapy, and I used it to start writing this and get some stuff done yesterday. The title makes the concept sound simple but If I can help me I hope it could help you too. It teaches how to actually accept the situation and let it pass on so you can get on with your day or something along those lines. I'm feeling a little jittery and nervous because this I the first time I wrote something on her so I Hope this helps.
I am also trying to break away from adult content and binge social media, and i can relate how hard it is to resist the urge, and the judgemental thoughts in our minds afterwards. I am in the senior year of high school. 6 months ago, I stop my gaming addiction and delete every games on my phone, and now, 6 months later, a part of me still yearns for it and I almost downloaded the games several times. I tell this experience because fighting an addiction is not as glamorous as it seems. I used to visualize that when I stop being addicted to video games, my life will be perfect etc. But in reality, it only gives me more times to deal with other issues and I still have days where I lying in my bed and scrolled several hours. But I learnt that the most precious thing that I am trying, and it is more important to learn how to love myself first, rather than just throwing my phone away (which I tried) because the root of the problem, I think, is the beliefs that we accidentally had in our head that we are not good enough, or we are not capable of changing. So, my advice is that just starts slow, say 1 day a week, and celebrate that win. Also, hug yourself every morning and say "I accept myself and every flaws I have". Remember, I am in this journey with you, too.
Hi, you are you, but you are me :-). I can 100% relate with all that you said, I feel like an impostor liar and I can lie even better than you because I'm bulimic, so you can't really tell I'm binging all day :). Sometimes it gets better and I can limit it to the weekend but in the last month it was a mess. I've been binge eating every day, skipping all trainings and hardly working. It became even an economic problem because I'm spending all my money on food. Please just write me the next time you feel the urge. We are probably in different time zones, but I really would like to help you.
Hi, you are you, but you are me :-). I can 100% relate with all that you said, I feel like an impostor liar and I can lie even better than you because I'm bulimic, so you can't really tell I'm binging all day :). Sometimes it gets better and I can limit it to the weekend but in the last month it was a mess. I've been binge eating every day, skipping all trainings and hardly working. It became even an economic problem because I'm spending all my money on food. Please just write me the next time you feel the urge. We are probably in different time zones, but I really would like to help you.
If you wanna talk to someone, dm me
