Born in broken way

Many people look at me today and judge me based on my appearance: Quiet, overly sensitive, easily anxious, likes to be alone, or sometimes suddenly gets angry and then cries in secret. But not many know, I wasn't born this way.

I was shaped slowly—by yelling, comparison, pressure, and demands to give in from a young age. I was trained to not argue, but not because I was obedient, but because I learned that my voice wasn't heard. So I kept quiet.

I was born to understand others, because my older brother was more stubborn, because my younger brother 'had a father,' and me? I learned to be the middle man: mediating, holding back, giving in… until I forgot what it felt like to be understood.

Every time I showed my pain, I was considered spoiled. Every time I cried, I was called a crybaby. Every time I spoke, I was called argumentative. Until finally, I didn't know: Should I speak up, or stay quiet until everyone felt comfortable?

I grew up to be someone who seemed fine… But behind that friendly demeanor and faint smile, I was busy surviving. On the outside, I appeared calm. But inside, my mind was buzzing: I had to be careful with my words so I wouldn't hurt anyone. I had to read the atmosphere so I wouldn't be perceived as wrong. I had to be strong, so I wouldn't be called weak. But how long could I stay strong?