Calling MEN healing from porn addiction, or wives supporting
Hi everyone,
I’m looking for insight, especially from men in recovery or partners who’ve been through this.
My fiance has struggled with porn addiction for years. About a month ago, he decided to quit and has stayed clean so far. He added family sharing to his phone so I would get alerts if he tries to access anything inappropriate. He’s taking real steps to change for us and our two young kids.
But a month ago, I also found out that he cheated six months earlier with a stripper AKA a prostitute. He says it was just the tip during a dance, he went soft, panicked, and left but he continued looking up adult massage parlors afterwards like he was trying to maybe fix himself. That betrayal still hurts deeply.
On top of that, we were struggling with intimacy. He often goes soft, can’t stay aroused, and gets anxious. He says he’s so used to porn and his own hand that real sex doesn’t feel the same. I’ve tried everything , lingerie, toys, encouragement but I feel like I’m not “enough” anymore.
I know I’m attractive. Even strangers approach me when I’m out with the kids. He’s always said I’m out of his league. Yes, I’ve had two kids, my body’s changed, but I still take care of myself. I honestly don’t think it’s about me I believe porn has rewired his brain and body, but it still hurts. He has completely destroyed me.
He used porn as an escape, abandoned us emotionally. I was left to do everything alone. Now he wants to fix things, in all the ways, but when it comes to intimacy his body reacts like someone much older he’s only 30.
So my questions are:
Does it get better?
Do things like arousal and intimacy return?
Do men eventually stop going soft after months (or years) without porn?
Is there real hope?
Any honest input would mean a lot. Thank you.
@sympatheticSkies2933
When there are issues the things regarding this subject......many possibilities if you read any studies on it. It is not about Age....
it can be hormone levels that can be measure by a blood test by a doctor. If a mental block counseling or even couples counseling could help. sometimes when a partner has unresolved issues with their spouse it makes intimacy not work well... medication/ supplements and other items taken can kill a libido. Some think they can revive it with other things like porn.
Many do not want to talk about it to a doctor/ professional etc so they make up excuses. Many partners end up feeling what is wrong with them? They May question their attractiveness or think it is some other person/porn etc. If you find it is a medical thing you may be sort of angry that they made you feel less then or as if you did something wrong. I felt that way ... he made me feel like i was not enough when it was a combination of a health issue.
lots of good articles on this subject so as a partner we can work through it if it is a temporary thing or something that may not be fixed.
hi i’ve been a porn-addiction coach for 4 years
it can - i’ve helped guys reach 90 days of freedom who were 40+ years addicted and ‘feeling connected to their partner again’ is one of the many benefits they’ve mentioned - it’ll likely require getting him a coach / counsellor who he is able to reach out to during temptation for a short-notice conversation over call or text (not sure how common this is, according to my clients it’s pretty rare)
yes, they can - as the brain gradually acclimatises itself back to the real world, and real love, these things return - not to mention, making progress with this makes him feel more confident in himself, less ashamed, and oh so grateful to have a woman in his life
in most cases yes - ED is a very common result of masturbation addiction
there truly is, but from my perspective it all depends on getting him the right coach - i’ve had guys who failed for literally decades on their own until they met me - if they don’t offer 24/7 support don’t even book a discovery call - look for one that comes with a global groupchat he can message in for support in-case he faces temptation while his coach is asleep
