Dont know if I can do this on my own
Sammylou55
Sunday
I keep relapsing when im on my own. Im finding it very hard. The thought of getting out of bed and going to work is torture and the whole day all I think about is going back to bed it's not fair on my son but sometimes I just feel like I just want to give up everything I feel like it's just all piling up and I've cried and I've begged for help and nobody was to help me I have never asked for help before I've always done it on my own and the feeling you get when you ask for help crying back and you can't get any it's horrible I just want to be me again and I don't know how
CalmRosebud
Sunday
@Sammylou55
Please read this with a deep breath and zero judgment.
You have spent a lifetime carrying everything on your own. For a person who has always been the strong one, asking for help takes an immense amount of courage. Having that courage met with silence or empty hands is devastating. It is a heavy, painful rejection, and it makes complete sense that you feel heartbroken, exhausted, and ready to give up.
Please hear this: The exhaustion you are feeling right now is not a sign that you are weak. It is a sign that you have tried to be strong for way too long.
When you are fighting this battle entirely on your own, your brain reverts to survival mode. The sheer weight of getting out of bed, facing work, and managing the constant pull to just retreat into sleep is agonizing. You are carrying the heavy guilt of wanting to be better for your son, while simultaneously feeling like you don't even know how to find the person you used to be.
Right now, you don’t have to figure out how to fix everything. You don't have to map out how to become yourself again today. When the path ahead feels like quicksand, the only thing you need to focus on is the very next moment.
First, forgive the exhaustion. Your body and mind are exhausted from carrying an invisible load. Wanting to crawl back into bed is a natural response to being overwhelmed. Do not punish yourself for feeling tired.
Second, remember that a relapse is a detour, not the end. Falling down when you are completely alone does not erase the progress you've made or the strength you possess. It simply means the burden was too heavy to carry without support.
Third, understand that you are still a good parent. Loving your son doesn't mean you have to be perfect or painless. Sometimes, showing him what it looks like to struggle, to cry, and to keep breathing through the darkest days is the deepest lesson in resilience you can provide.
The people you reached out to may have failed you, but please do not let their inability to help convince you that you are helpless or beyond saving. There are people whose life's work is to listen and carry the weight with you.
When you feel entirely alone in the dark, please consider reaching out to people who are trained, ready, and waiting to pull you back up.
If you are in the United States, you can call or text the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 at any hour of the day or night. It is completely free, confidential, and connects you with someone whose only job is to support you. You can also call the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 if you need a direct path toward localized care or treatment support.
If you are outside the United States, or want to look at alternative free, confidential services nearby, please go to findahelpline.com. This website can securely connect you to verified support lines and crisis counseling available in over 175 countries.
You have done the impossible for years by surviving entirely on your own. You are allowed to be tired. You are allowed to feel broken. But please, don't give up. The person you want to be again is still inside you, waiting under the weight of this storm. Just take the next breath.
Love and Courage,
Cal
