I have no where to turn
I am the partner of an addict. This week has been the worst it has been. My boyfriend ran away to his dealers house for a week, took too many oxy’s, got too drunk, and I found him past out, face down in the snow in our back yard. I took him to the ER, where they admitted him to detox and psych. I am at home, trying to cope with all of that, while taking care of our 12y/o, 8 y/o, and 7 month old while working a full time job as a member of management. I. Am. So. Burnt. Out As I’m trying to juggle everything, I just don’t understand why 😭 He has done so many terrible things to me and our family while under the influence. He is an amazing father and person when he is sober. He certainly want like this when I met him, but he did struggle with addiction in the past. I don’t know what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe wisdom from someone who has loved someone struggling with addiction. Maybe just an ear to listen. I have no one in real life to talk to. I tried looking into addiction support groups in my area, but they are all religious based, and we are not religious. I feel scared of the future. I feel Extremely taken advantage of by MY PERSON and my safe place in the world is completely obliterated. I am so lost. He has lied to me countless times. He hid things. He has stolen money from me. All in the name of his habit that he hid for the last year. My heart is hurting for him, yet I’m so angry at him.
@seasiren6913 *hugs if you are okay with it* Hi seasiren, I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I can't imagine what things are like for you and your family. It is definitely understandable to have so many emotions for your partner, all which are valid.
If you haven't already, feel free to also check out the relationship and friendship subcommunity for further support and resources here.
Just to let you know, I am moving your forum thread to the appropriate forum category. I'm glad you have reached out for the support you deserve, and you can connect with a listener at any time whenever you wish to talk to someone. Feel free to also keep us updated in the forums on how you are doing. Best wishes to you and your family; we are here for you.
I feel your pain. My husband did something similar. I’m a good person. I made all the right decisions in life. I didn’t choose this stress and abuse. I saved my money and it was stolen when I was pregnant. Yes he provides for us now, but thatsnot the point. We are supposed to be a treat. We are supposedly trust each other and have each others backs. I now find myself hiding everything from him, I’m being sneaky because I can’t trust him. He has brought out the worst in me. I have a baby and a 4 year old. I am so so so exhausted of this life. I wish invoice snap my fingers and he is gone or cured of this mental illness that he is struggling with. My o ly advice to you is of you want to stay and help him try to get better be prepared for a long fight. Be prepared for possibly years and years of heart ache and lies and blaming you. Years of anger directed at you for their mistakes because you had the audacity to figure out his lies and uncover his scams. Usually addiction doesn’t just go away. The root of the problem is so deep some people never figure it out and never heal. It’s hard for me to give this advice because I haven’t taken it myself yet, but you should consider breaking free. You will save your children and yourself so much heartache and stress. I believed him every time I he said that was it. He was so convincing. That’s what manipulators do. He’s a pathological liar and it only took me 20 years to realize it.
My situation is that my husband was using and I kicked him out. He went to the hospital several times because of his drug addiction. He went to jail this last time for vandalism, resisting and assault. I have a restraining order and filed for divorce. I am completely destroyed and feeling guilty. I love him and I know he's safe now that he's in jail. He's not out on the streets using. I just don't understand addiction. I don't know how to deal with any of this. I am so heartbroken that it has come to this. I know it's a disease but I'm so disappointed that he isn't what I thought he was and that I wasn't enough. He chose drugs over me. 5 years in this relationship and married 3 years. So devastating :( Feeling so alone.
I am right there with you. I have been with my partner for going on 9 yrs Helped raise his daughter who is 16. I have a son from a previous marriage who is 12 amd we have a 3yr old together. He wasnt activy using when i met him. He was seeing dr and therapy. Then he got sucked into the wrong crowed and tried to make ends meet. I cant get a job bc he believes every guy is a vulture and that i will leave him. I have been the through the ringer with him. Fighting so hard for him to change. We have even moved 45 min from the drug hub of his and he still finds away. If it is drugs is alcohol or sex. I hate feeling like a shell of myself. When he is clean those two weeks are happy and blissful. I was raped as a teen and abused physically as a toddler. So natutally the addictions repulse me. I hate him yet love him. I have worked so hard to make sure i live my life as good as i can. I dont drink i dont smoke i don't do drugs. He has missed 2 days in the last week from getting high the previous night. He swears i am cheating on him yet have no social media no nothing. I only talk to my adoptive mother his 16 yr old and him. I am just to tired to keep fighting. 2 nights ago he said he had to go to work bc they had to fix something when shop was down. He went and got 100 from our bank. Said gas for truck and 20 for him. I thought nothing of it Despite getting in a fight with him bc our 3 yr old learned a new word boyfriend bc she just met her older sisters bf. So she said mommy bf sissy bf daddy bf. And he goes mommy has a bf and she said yes. I dont but its a new word and she has no understanding what the word means. He left. He came home at 5 am and slept al day. I checked bank and we were in the negative 175 dollars. I cinfrinted and we got in a fight so i blocked my debit card he he cut it up. Then it got pysical as always when he is mad. Blamed my lack of a sex life for his drug use and how he is bored bc we have a 3 yr old amd he doesnt want to get old. Now today he is saying he loves me and is mad bc i am not up to forgivi g him this time. Injust cant. I am to tired. I have no job no family in my state. The teuck is mine by title rights and the fact that my stimulus paid for 3k of the 4k it costs but its his. Everything is his. I love hime but i hate him so you are not alone. Its hard. Especially since i have a bachelor in psychology. I know the signs i see the patterns i know what i should do and need to do but i cant emotionally do it.
Hello, Sorry to hear you are dealing with that. I know it is hard to cope with family members that are addicted. Have you tried to speak to a therapist here on 7 Cups?
@seasiren6913
hey my name is Jess i am a listener here at 7 cups my inbox is always open for you if you want to talk i am here to listen always! i will start with telling you that im proud of you for coming here to talk about this! its hard super hard and im sure you are not having it easy my friend, i am an addict in recovery and i know when i was active in addiction my family suffered too so i know this has a serious impact on you and your family and i am sorry for that deeply! I am always here for you to talk to and i will listen to you and i cant give advice but we can certianly talk all of this through if you would like.
please remember you are not alone and you never have to fight this fight alone.
addiction is a horrible thing and we have to all come hand in hand to over come it.
i am always here ,