Love of my life?

Hey brightcircle... You have to talk to him when he is sober. Ask him what is bothering him. Past events, your relationship etc. Cos he is probably taking strain from hurting somewhere and he feels the drink helps taking away that pain or stress. So supporting him is the best option you have. He might be reluctant to share stuff, but don't push him. Just try and be open with him. Say that you are there for him and he doesn't need the drink to feel better and you want to help cos you feel that he is hurting himself more and more drinking. If you are scared saying this to him text him or write him a note. Sometimes I just tend to avoid my dad when he gets drunk. I don't like seeing him that way either. This means less encounters so he'll not talk with you that much. This seems stupid to leave him in his drunk state, cos yes one fears he will hurt himself. But it is not that you leave the place and him entirely. You could just be in the room next door. "Go to bed early".. You could watch tv and stuff in this room or do your hobby. This seems cruel cos you wanna watch tv with him or be with him. He pushes you away cos he doesn't want you to be close. He is dealing with his "pain" and rather be alone if you have regular arguements. Don't force him to quit with ultimatums. Cos he'll get mad and confused if you wanna help him, but take his booze away is one thing he'll probably get mad about. Try to find out the source of his pain without forcing him. The 3rd option you have is to divert or destract him. Instead of letting him go into that drunk state. Rather pull his focus of it. Say, by being a bit clingy, like ask him how his day was and compliment him a bit more ( also a bit more kissing or a massage or get s bit creative😏 in this line) it doesn't always need to go into taking your clothes off. Just giving him this attention or some close tlc might prompt him to open up and drink less. You can test the waters with this by offering him colddrink or something like that instead of fetching him a beer. Just say something like the beer was a bit hot and you'd rather give him one later. Or be a bit playful and say you thought of getting him a drink and you feel he deserves a colddrink cos you want him to kiss you more. Obviously fall to suit to kissing him once or twice and that will kinda brake his focus to focus on you instead of the drink.. (I don't wanna suggest serving him in lingerie, because I feel I cross a border on this... but if you are comfortable with him then try it). Teasing him sexually it seems also a bit much, but he will get distracted by it. You know more what happens routinely. Work on that plan accordingly. Say he gets home, sits on the couch drinks a beer, whatever it is, try to break this cycle. If he gets home and showers it takes a bit longer for him to go for that drink. The delay that time a bit like I said build a conversation treat him a bit. Persuade him to play board games or something, like I said be creative. You can surprise him with his favourite chocolate or some candlelight. When he gets home. Set the mood right and like I said break that cycle if you catch him of guard he might change with the "delay" you give him. Support is what he needs if you prompt that being there for him he might be with you rather to get drunk.

Is there a way for me to message you? I could have wrote this myself.

My partner is the same. Daniel is an alcoholic who is usually a wonderful man with incredible artistic talents but ever few months he goes into a downwards spiral and I wear the brunt of it. He becomes incredibly angry and verbally abusive, nothing about me is good enough when he’s like that. I’m not affectionate/sexual/giving/grateful enough. He’s always sorry for the way he’s spoken afterwards and he feels bad about himself but the anger bubbles around for a few days at least. He left me again yesterday, at least the 5th time in two years, and I’m trying to be strong enough to leave alone and not take him back. I know I deserve better, it’s just that the good bits were great. Daniel is 58 and has been an alcoholic for at least 30 years, he’s not going to change.