My strange addiction
So I’m not sure if this counts as an addiction, but I don’t know what else it is. I am a white woman and i’m married to a white man. We’ve been married for almost 13 years now. Problem is, I’ve always been attracted to black men too. It used to not be a problem, but now it is. Every attractive black man I see, I make eyes at, I flirt with if I can. Well, one of them finally gave me his number. So I text him. We have been texting for a few months now, and he made it very clear he wanted to have sex. I said I couldn’t because I was married, but really wanted to because he’s very sexy and I love his dark skin. After certain conversations and spending some time with him, I finally had sex with him. Now, my marriage is gonna have to end. My heads not in the right place. I loved being with this other man. I don’t regret it at all. It was beautiful and he was wonderful. But, I’m also heartbroken because this man that I had sex with hasn’t spoken to me in about 5 days. So I think my fun with him is over. So I’ve destroyed my marriage and the man that helped me do that may be done with me and I’m lost. I want him so badly. I don’t have to have love. I don’t care if he loves me. I just want his body. I loved when we were together and I placed my hands on his chest and compared my pale white skin to his beautiful dark complexion. He makes me so happy. And now I think he’s done with me. I’m devastated.
Yeah, I know I have a lot of problems. I know I’ve messed up. I also know that I can’t pick and choose to just do whatever I want and just think I can say I’m sorry and everything will just be ok again. For now, There’s no saving my marriage. What I should have done was get help before I started the affair, so that maybe I could try to look into my problems before they boiled over. I just didn’t know about this place at that time and didn’t have anyone to talk to. My timing was bad. I found help AFTER getting help with my marriage was too late. For now, I’m just gonna have to end my marriage when the timing is better for my kids, and then move on. And I will search exclusively for black men, because if I date another white man then I’ll run into the same problem I did this time. Maybe not at first, but eventually. And hopefully I can find a man who will treat me right and who cares about me. And if I can’t, I guess I will just have to remain single and work on myself until that time comes.
thank you for your help. I have definitely had to take a hard look at myself and my problems and it has made me realize that my problems go way deeper than the surface. Being with a black man may not solve my internal problems, but I think if I find one who treats me right and I’m still running into the same problems I’m suffering with now, I will have to get help before I do anything stupid.
I actually don’t feel like my husband is very happy and of course I have some unhappiness problems in our marriage too. My husband wants another kid and I can’t have anymore, and I think he has some regrets about that. We just have a lot of problems that run very deep (some of them I’ve written about on here of course, but there are others that I haven’t mentioned), and I think that our marriage was barely hanging on, and maybe that’s why I did what I did. I know that if we were still acting like we were madly in love with each other and still had a sex life and acted like more than just roommates, I don’t think my desire would be as strong for another man. I believe I would have had a much easier time resisting this other man. Be that as it may, I know it’s no excuse. What I did was unacceptable. My husband definitely deserves a woman who has the chance to make him happy, and that’s definitely not me. We love each other, but we don’t make each other happy anymore. We’re just roommates.
Thank you for helping me see that there’s probably more to this than meets to eye. Im gonna keep that in mind as I move on with my life, and if I run into my problems again, I’m gonna try to get help before I do anything this stupid again. (And I don’t plan on getting married again after this so at least I don’t have to worry about that anymore). Again, thank you.