ADHD is making my life worse
Hey, so I was never formally diagnosed with ADHD so idk if it's okay for me to "claim" I have it or that it is ADHD I'm struggling with but most of my "symptoms" are textbook ADHD examples so I believe I do have it.
To say I've always struggled with ADHD is a lie, when I was in middle school and even highscool I wasn't struggling nearly as much as now, but everyone says that ADHD can easily go unnoticed in childhood so I won't comment on that.
It's been a few years since I've contacted my inability to focus and my struggling to do daily activities with ADHD.
I know I should seak out help or just go to doctor's but I'm so very and irrationally afraid that if I do everything in my life would change for worse, so seeking professional help is out of question.
Lately, read for last two or three years, I've been struggling with focusing so much that it is negatively affecting my day to day life as well as my relationships and my academics.
I get up in the morning already exhausted not motivated and annoyed, then I waste some more time in bed either ignoring my countless alarms or scrolling on my phone. Then I spend more time being unproductive and time I say I would study in the morning I spend, again, on my phone or listening to music or oversleeping or doing just about but what I'm supposed to, maybe I saw a cool looking move and now I gotta know everything about that cute actor, or maybe I saw a new mini game I need to try or I just found a really good fanfiction and it's "only" 60k words so I might as well finish it etc.
Then I go to lunch, take a walk, go to store and I feel kinda motivated all full of "okay niw it's my time I'm going to lock in" only to fail to even get started.
So I spend more time doing absolutely nothing and when I finally do sit to study I read maybe a few pages, maybe even a whole chapter before I need a small break and I get distracted because "god when was the last time I cleaned those windows and bathroom could use a bit of cleaning to" so now I'm exhausted but also motivated thinking I'm doing good, so when I sit to continue studying not even half an hour later I'm already reaching for something else, like checking my emails or calling my sister or writing my "plan" for tomorrow (which always ends up discarded) and by the time I'm back to studying I'm exhausted but have done nothing of importance, I haven't finished what I was supposed to but I can at leas rest assured that my windows are clean oh thank God!
I'm not sure how I'm supposed to cope with this. Maybe I don't even have ADHD maybe I'm just lazy and unmotivated, or maybe it's all my phone's fault but even when I try to turn it of I end up doing something else or just using my laptop (which I need for studying) for usles tasks like changing the background.
But the point is I feel hopeless and I don't know what I'm doing or how to get my life back. I'm just so tired and out most of the time and I always focus on a wrong things.
I don't know where I was going with this post, but if anyone has any advice or just wants to say something pleas feel free to comment
@crimsontime
The realization is how would an official diagnosis change you? ... some go on medication but that has other things to deal with too. side effects and some feel better quit and then need to to back on in times of stress or struggle.
Do you have a reason for the procrastination? what are you trying to avoid? Some in school or study, people become scattered or avoidant because they may be worried about what is next step in life.
You are very self aware of your lack of focus or motivation my friend who is diagnoses was never that aware. Electronics and FOMO seems to be increasing distraction and filling our time with fluff. Breaking this habit is like breaking other addictions... one step at a time and not putting off things as it does not get easier .... only adds stress and worry.
it takes real strength to step up ...... see a doctor if you want to know for sure... seek out help if possible but it still comes to you setting alarm getting out of bed. Turning phone on sleep or do not disturb. when you find yourself drifting take a moment to step back and re focus.
I'm just scared that my family would look at me differently if I ever get diagnosed, and then again without diagnosis I can't be sure I have ADHD. So that's no to meds being possibility
I don't exactly have a reason for procrastinating but mostly I'm overwhelmed bc of school, not knowing my place in world and just being anxious about future
And yeah phone is kinda my biggest problem and it's not an easy habit to break but I'll try
Thank you for the advice 💜
Sounds like me so much, and I have also been wondering if it’s ADHD. I’ve been rejecting that possibility for a long time, but I’m tired. Feels like I’m always fighting myself in some ways.
I know what you mean😞
If you feel comfortable with it maybe you should seek profesional help
I don't feel comfortable with it in the moment but it may be helpful to you
And just know you are not alone 💜
@crimsontime
Thank you, crimsontime. I'm glad others were able to also give some useful advice, and hope it helps.
Therapy is definitely not an easy thing, for so many reasons. I struggle with making the most out of therapy, but I am in therapy right now. The one I am working with now doesn't diagnose ADHD though, and getting tested isn't all that straightforward either. I ended up finding someone who is willing to do testing that is affordable and where I can get seen relatively quickly, but I have no idea how much expertise they have. They just recently became fully licensed. That's the downside of forgoing the wait (which is like half a year!) to get scheduled for a comprehensive evaluation at a more reputable testing clinic. Hopefully I'll get some clarity on this soon, and maybe also start addressing these specific challenges...
Coping with challenges related to executive function, such as motivation, is daunting. You are definitely not lazy if trying to will yourself to do hard/uninteresting things is exhausting you. Thankfully there are entire YT channels and books dedicated to it! I recommend starting with How To ADHD. You can try watching one video on one area you are struggling with and begin practicing one of the strategies you find. Once you feel comfortable with one strategy, you can start another one. I recommend starting with your environment; find ways to make your environment more pleasant, less distracting, and more energizing for those boring/less pleasant tasks.
For example, I used to hate washing my dishes, but now I think of dishwashing as my fun music time, since that's when I play my most fun music. I make a game out of it by seeing how many dishes I can wash during one song.
Thank you sooo much 🥺 this is great idea and as for YT I will definitely chek it out
Thank you 💜
@crimsontime I'm glad to help!
Im in the same boat, I've been diagnosed but things now seem much worse than when I was younger.