I can’t be happy in a healthy relationship
Hello guys,
So I was in a traumatic relationship for 3 years. He was mentally and physically abusing me, he was taking and selling drugs, he was lying etc. That was around 2 years ago. A lot of changed since then and I thought that I fully healed from this.
Now I am in a healthy relationship with an amazing man. He is nice, he listens and understands me and he’s proven to me that I can trust him. But I can’t bring myself to do that. I always play scenarios in my head, I am dreaming of him cheating on me and all this kind of stuff. I feel like subconsciously I am trying to ruin my relationship so I don’t get more hurt, but he is not a man that will do anything to hurt me. I am hurting him, I am hurting myself and I am damaging our relationship.
I’ve never been in a relationship like this before, so this is really new to me. Sometimes I don’t even know how to act and out of the sudden I start to get weird, rude or extremely emotional. I really want to change that for him. I do.
I want to trust him, I want to trust myself and the fact that the man loves me. I tried therapy and it was going well, but it’s so expensive! I don’t have enough money to do therapy.
He deserves my trust and love and I want to give it to him, so if you guys have any advice for me and how to handle this situation, please share with me. Stay safe and healthy y’all❤️
@annanoir
Part of me says you should read this to him. I mean, have you told him how you feel? Even if you write a letter to him and then read it to him if you can't speak the words directly. It will help him to understand how you're feeling. If he can begin to understand how you feel, the both of you can work together to step cautiously into more of a trust zone. You also need to work on trusting him. Could he hurt you? Could he lie to you? Of course. He's human. Anyone you're in a relationship with has the possibility of hurting you. But at some point you just have to say "I like this person so much, I am willing to take the chance of getting hurt because I know this is a wonderful thing that's going on here."
I completely agree with what was said by annanoir. There is always the risk of getting hurt, but knowing you have something worth the risk makes it so much better! I can understand where you are coming from. I have shared a similar experience. But once I was able to just let go and enjoy the present moment without getting stuck in the "what ifs", I flourished in my relationship! Just know you can handle even the worst possible outcome, so don't let fear win. I wish you all the best!
Thank you so much. I talked to him and he was so understanding. I can’t believe that men like mine exists. I feel like I’ll still have my moments of doubt, but I hope that he’ll pull back to reality when needed. I’m afraid, but now I’m sure that he and this relationship is worth the pain after. Thanks to both of you! Stay safe and healthy ❤️