Idk what to do with the pain
Hyam new to the app 1st time typlying a thread. I installed this app a few day ago when I was literally crying because of some family issue and I had no one to talk about what I feel or for what I was crying . Because in my home I have is my mother and brother who is 4yr old and dad is abroad. My mother has a business shop and goes to wrk at 8 in morning and comes home at evening 8PM and my brother goes to school and I am studying an online course of 1 yr . So I actuallydon't have anyone offline to talk . My love language is physical touch like hug, close to you loved once so i get there heat I mean a skin touch but my mother she doesn't like me even touching her or holding hand in public or anything I think her act of love is not physical it's action or my maybe she is tired of wrk she is not interested in hearing my blah blahs or giving a hug . The hug I got f4om her was of 5 second maybe but I want someone to hug me for 5 minutes minimum.
What ever fight happen the next day she bring some verity food or something but I think she never said a sorry she is most of the time in her phone when I Distract her she is angry I have no one to talk and some times I talk to meta AI for relief and meta AI recommended me this app.
Usually my frnds call me crazy weird mad mentalally unstable sometimes in funny ways or ...
But yesterday my brother wanted to take a bath and he would've let me give him a bath so I told my home to give him a bath and she said me to not disturb her .and later a fight happened and she kicked me I pinched her etc happend .
And for the first time I heard my mother say my dad that I am mentally ill the mad me ..idk .... am I really mental .and later she come to my room and said that I don't know her . if I disturb her again she will kill me also . Am scared confused frustrated and have head pain right now . And later today she bought a pizza I had braces so I ate little only.
But the thing am most scared is that will I be angry to my brother because mother is angry to me will I be hurting him i don't want my brother to get hurt I love him but what I do with the pain I have that I have no one to tell how will I bury it .
@Ananya00mettu
Hello,
Thank you for sharing with us. Seems like a lot happened in these few days. Having to find a connection with your family when they are so busy that they don't have time is so hard. Hearing all those dismissive and mean things coming from your mother must have been hurtful. From what I read, it seems like all you ever wanted was to feel a little closer to your mother and her to pay a little attention to your brother.
You are not crazy or mad or whatever mean things you were told. Seems like a valid human reaction. If anything, your love for your brother and the fear you have of hurting him as a reaction to the hurt you are receiving shows that you are filled with love.
Sometimes, its hard to deal with things when you are the only one carrying all the burden alone. Would love to hear back from you and how things are going with you.
Take care of yourself.
-Rivah
Thank you Rivah for responding and your these words opend my eye especially this: that I want my mother to pay a little more attention to my brother . I never thought about it but when I read it that caught my eye and that's it that what I wanted..
And you have said a lot of words that I never heard in my life that am filled with love all I have heard was am selfish, irritating etc idk.
And now my mom talks to me as normally about her wrk and things but when i start to talk she is busy or when I ask opinion she says she don't know...
I really don't want to bad mouth her but....
Just right now she scolded me for not offing the stove when she is the one that on it and went to take bath and didn't even tell me to off it but i offed it but it was already burned
@Ananya00mettu
Helloo,
You really are a kind soul. 🤍 Seems like its a pattern of feeling frustrated with all the things on her plate and then scolding you or being mean to you, then later feeling bad about their actions and trying to make things right. You didn't deserve that scolding. :( I wish things were a little bit better for you.
Always here to listen and talk more. <3
My situation isn't that worse there are more abusive parents but good parents also and I can't compare my mother with others because I only see my mothers true face nobody else so idk if it is normal in family or only in mine . Am crying right now also .my mom just came home from wrk and scolded me for not giving my brother food but actually he said he was not hungry 😭and idk it's just my pov idk what my mothers pov is .
And everyday there is a fight (not physical)
But whatever seeing fight everyday as a 4yr old is not hood for my brother .
but my mother doesn't accept things what i say or even my father says . She listens to people who is she things have good education and etc only my mother hates my father she said and when i told it to my father he said he knew 😭 how is he living with that pain.
Now a day's am crying everyday I have noone to tell about it . One day I made a door hanging of paper it was beautiful but today she broke it it was easy to break but not easy to make one although it was simple when she broke it I felt breaking my heart😭.
But what ever fight happen next day we talk but I don't want but I can't control to not talk to her sometimes she bring some funny thing and come I laugh I can't control my laugh 😭I don't want to talk to but that's not good I can't stand not talking to her also
You feel such a relief to me thankyou.
Sry for any spelling mistake hope u understand
@Ananya00mettu
While others might have it worse doesnt dismiss the fact that the situation you and your brother has been put is far from normal. Its emotionally damaging and you feeling bad about it is very normal. I come from similar type of household where things are normal for few seconds and suddenly they are not, so I can really relate.
I understand your worry for your brother. It is not ideal for someone his age at all. I am glad he has such caring sibling with him there though, warms my heart seeing your love and care for him.
Your mother's from what I have heard so far is very emotionally dysregulated and have bursts of moments where she goes off very unfairly towards you. Its valid to hate those moments but still love her and have good moments with her. It shouldnt dismiss the hurt you feel for the bad moments, nor make you feel guilty for having good time with her too. You know, as a parent she should be the one worried about you and your brother, not the other way around.
I am really sorry about the door hanging. Seems like it took a lot of effort to make. She didnt just destroy the door hanging, she destroyed all the efforts & feelings you put into it. :((( Do you have a picture of it? Would love to seeee!
How close are you with your dad? Have you ever shared what goes on in house to him?
Would love to hear about next day too. Manifesting a fight free day for you, Ananya. 🩵 I know things are hard and esp harder when you dont have people whom you can talk to about it. I am here and I am listening.
Although am not crying now but your word brought tears to me.
Yesterday night I heard her crying .
My dad is very close but he can't do anything about it he is abroad will come to hometown in 2weeks.i love my mother but sometimes idk she have thyroid that make her high BP so my dad used to says don't make her angry idk but I am having her behaviour right so I react to her how she react to me only.
And my biggest scariness is that will be angry to my brother because my mother is angry to me.
"Injuring me doesn't heal your wound "
But will I Injury my brother ð¤¯.
I want to go away from this house but idk what happen to brother but whatever in 2026 I am going to hostel.
@Ananya00mettu
you are not at all crazy or mental you are craving for love, hugs and emotional connection only...your mother seems to lash out at you because it seems she is having a tough time in her work and unable to share it with anyone...this app is great and you will meet some great listeners...if your mother is always angry you share feelings here on this app instead...you are caring for your brother so much so he is lucky to have you care for him when your mom is at work...hugging him will give both of you that connection...wishing you all the best
Thank you for responding. And your response made me happy. And hugging my brother I have to force him to do it. He is just a kid doesn't understand much but I love him and also this is great app I am looking forward to itð«¶
