Mental health and Family
Hey all,
This is my first time posting on here so it feels a little uncomfortable but here I go I guess. I'm hoping someone here can possibly help me figure out what is going on.
So I've grown up in a pretty strict family my entire life, like to the point where my brother had been threatened to be kicked out of the house when he was 16 since he didn't get good enough grades according to my parents. I feel this has brought me to have problems with impulse control disorder (more in the lying department, but slightly in the stealing area). I have tried mentioning things to my parents about my mental health and other things, such as my anxiety and panic attacks, I have also tried bringing up things like how I believe I may have autism and/or ADHD. However everytime I try suggest things such as these, they get shut down immediately, saying "no you don't" or "stop trying to seek attention" which you know... Makes a lot of it worse if that makes sense. So anyways back to where I was originally going, my parents have a lock and tracker on this phone, and by lock I mean they can control my screentime, apps I use, who I can call, who I can message, and when my phone automatically locks when it's "downtime" and whenever I get in trouble they completely lock down this phone to the only thing I can do is message them and they can track me. So something I did at one point is just bought another phone that they couldn't control on (I completely paid for this one as well as the one I'm using right now) and when they finally found out they completely took EVERYTHING out of my room, leaving basically just my bed (mind you I completely paid for everything in my room, with a cost over 4 thousand dollars in AUD) saying I had to "earn it back" one item at a time, one item a week, I have hundreds of stuff in there by the way, including gift vouchers that I won myself, as well as they have threatened to force me to quit my job because "I shouldn't own money if I spend it trying to disobey them" and have cut up my bank cards. Also my dad lost his watch a while ago saying that "I stole it and sold it" when I literally don't have ANYWAY to sell it, and even if I did, they would see the money in my bank account. They've also taken away my dancing (I did K-pop dancing cause I enjoy it) because they know that it was the only thing that made me happy. I know my dad completely doesn't believe that I have anxiety or "real" panic attacks specifically from one event where I was having a panic attack in the car next to him and he told me to "stop faking it for attention and that I was being disrespectful to people with 'real mental health issues' and that he would take me to a mental institution (like the ones where really mentally ill people go ifykwim) and that they wouldn't find anything wrong with me so I would stay there and ruin my education, and my job, and they would have to spend so much money on me because of it and ruin them financially". This specific moment has stuck in my head ever since it happened because how much much it hurts. As well as not even 5 minutes ago, my dad came in as I was messaging on a group in here saying "what the f** is that" to which I reply is 7 cups and I got it a while ago for my anxiety and he goes "you wouldn't have problems with f**ing 'anxiety' if you didn't behave like this". Which btw guys I am trying to fix but it's almost like a diet ifykwim, it's hard to actually do and you accidentally take "cheat" days, as well as I just automatically use lying as a defence mechanism after watching everything go down with my brother. I have tried telling my parents how I feel about their actions and my dad goes "so we're abusive" and clearly a bad decision now I go "maybe mentally a little, yeah" and he starts yelling at me saying how they sacrifice so much me and that I'm a spoiled b** who doesn't deserve anything. It's come to a point where I wish I could move out asap but am too young, as well as I've thought about just telling them to make me pay rent like my brother (he's 18 now btw) and they don't have to deal with parenting me anymore as long as they give me all my stuff back. Oh did I mention they sl*t shame me? Yeah that happens too.
Sorry for the long story but I genuinely don't know what to do at this point.
@Liidya
Wow.
Your parents are alot.
They have absolutely no right to s shame you all.
And you deserve your privacy
I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Perhaps you could confide in a teacher you trust, to get more support around your anxiety without getting all the judgement.
You are welcome here.
And you'll never be judged 💚🤗
U will be okei,this too shall pass,I r such an amazing person , don't mind the -ve talking they talks about you I know yourself and that's enough u r enough🌺
@Liidya
Hi Liiidya, first I'll say- you are not alone! This is more common than it may seem or feel and I am so sorry that its causing you so much distress.
It sounds like you are handling this abnormally well, by maintaining a job and a desire to continue to care about your education and mental health improvements. It sounds like you have a very mature understanding of your own areas that you've said you'd like to improve.
Our stories are almost exactly alike, aside from being accused of stealing. We share the experience of suddenly having everything taken from our rooms as a punishment, having to "earn" getting it back over time, and strict parents.
You've asked what you should do- what would you like to do? What do you see your future looking like once all of this is past you? What can you do right now to try and take steps towards that future?
It sounds like you're aware that you cant control the actions of your parents. At this point, it doesn't sound like you will be able to convince them to stop parenting you and let you pay rent, as you've said (I tried this as well).
Would it help to think of this point of your life as a very small stretch on a big timeline? Sooner than you think, you'll be out on your own. Do you have the energy to ask more open ended questions to your parents and find ways to bond with them to fix the relationship and gain back their trust? This should be their responsibility, of course, but if they aren't doing this it can't hurt to try yourself.
You're on the same team as them, even if it doesn't feel like it and even if they forget, sometimes we have to remind our own parents of this. We are on the same team as them, we want the same things ultimately, we have to work together using our different strengths.
