My Anxiety: a Struggle
So... Ive discovered a few things about me in the last few years. One. I have an anxious attachment style. And two: I have some from of the fear of Separation/Separation anxiety. I also think I have some kind of relationship anxiety that is experienced in relationships where there has been a severe Amount of one sided communication, and a factor in this is silence. I don't do well with silence. And that comes from a fear of abandonment and thinking youre leaving me, which stems from a parent who used to threaten to leave when I was little. suffice to say I haven't exactly been set up for healthy relationships and I just cut off two relationships that unbeknownst to me was causing me severe anxiety with their silence in not answering me or calling back or texting back. You see, I don't feel entitled to anyone's time. I am not owed anything. But the way I'm wired, "someone thinking of me" isn't enough. You need to be active with me. I need you to actively at least try to reach out in a manner that is consistent and not so random. Someone did that and the pattern of sporadic communication actually caused more harm than good. They'd reach out then not reply when I tried to initiate communication. These relationships cause me anxiety. Im awake RN because of them. Though I plan to somehow sleep. I just can't. If you wanna be my friend, don't leave me in silence. You either say you're busy or get out of my life. You need to be the one reaching back to me. Relationships are not one sided. And if you believe that. You're wrong. All in all... Learning this about me.... Hurts. I don't want any of it. But seeing how it hurts. I can't help but wonder am I better off alone?
@FaithfulGeekyGal20
I do not think it is ever better to be alone.... i think with the communication options we have now create an expectation of quick response... an while i think it is rude to not communicate .............even to say "i am busy but will contact you when i am able to freely ...."
Many people seem to have developed this anxiety that i called or text and have NOT got a response.....in someones situation where you have previous anxiety it must be very annoying
@toughTiger6481 its not even me wanting a quick response. But going two or three weeks without replying at all, and then those weeks turn Into months, for someone like me with the traumas I have, it becomes severe anxiety attacks at night. It becomes difficulties with sleeping and eating, it becomes nightmares. It becomes insomnia. Silence is bad for me. And these ppl know that. Yet they continue the pattern of behavior that has caused serious hurt to me from past experiences. I cannot and will not allow it anymore. And if it continues, I will cut off The relationship.
@FaithfulGeekyGal20
I am sorry your situation is causing you to cut off friends ...... if someone texts me and i am for example at work or driving etc if i forget about the text ... i do not respond ....... if i feel the text is clear sharing information many i do not feel require a response ....... i have the opposite problem
in work and even private email and some text suggest responses and some people are insistent on responding to every thing ....... i walk with a group of ladies just saying walking at 8 should suffice instead my phone sounds like a child's toy going off with 10 texts that added nothing to the plan just disrupt my ability to get ready to checking and finding nonsense emojis and thumbs up from 1 person
work has the same people playing i have to have the last word ..... i do not play that the information was passed......... the thank you /no thank you /no have a great day /no you have a better one ........yada yada NEEDS to stop.
Please do not reply to this thread if it is not helpful.