My mind is spiraling out of my control and i only seem to keep getting worse.
Im not sure why i got this app. I guess its just a last gasp for some help. Im a 31 year old male and i have severe anxiety, undiagnised ASD, and PTSD. I cant be around strangers anymore, i live alone with my disabled mother as her caretaker and ive only had a very limited control over my own life, passed from family as a gopher. Ive had too many things go wrong in my life for me to trust people anymore. I physically panic in ways out of my control, ive tried changing my habits improving my health. Breathing techniques, meditation, counting, all the things people tell me to do. But it isnt helping, i feel like the day my mother passes is the day ill do something ill... i dont know anymore.
I dont want to feel like this, my chest and brain feel like their trying to break out of my body. I used to have panic attacks a couple times a year now its a couple times a week, and thats just from trying to exist on the internet, my reaction to people in the real world is far worse and ive broken down doors to get away from people only to apologize in tears after the fact while beating myself in the face and scratching my arms. I dont feel like im worth fixing anymore. I want help, but my fears make me unable to go to people as being near them is the source of my anxiety.
Hey man. You’re not alone. I’m so sorry that this stuff is happening to you. I truly am. I know I’m some guy on the internet, but I understand the pain of dealing with depression, anxiety, and panic attacks on the regular is like. It’s the worst. I think it’s great you’re posting on here. Because it means you still have hope. You still care about saving yourself. About getting better. That in itself is proof that you’re on the right path, even though it might not seem like it. I don’t know your situation entirely, but I can tell you what has helped me. If you have people in your life, other family, friends, people you can talk to about what you’re experiencing, or even just chatting to people on here, I think it’s good to chat and let it out. This is a judge free zone. Everyone on here is with you bro. I wish with all my heart that you feel better. Don’t give up bro. Please. You are valuable. You really are. It’s not cliche. You really are. Your mother is lucky to have you as her son. Forget all the negativity. You are there for her. You are a blessing to her despite everything. I wish nothing but the best for you. And please keep checking in for all of us to let us know how you are doing. Not sure if maybe you would consider therapy or anything else too, I’m trying that out right now and seeing if it helps me. Best of luck bro, you got this.
-Victor