Past trauma making anxiety worse
I experienced domestic violence for 17 years. Now that I am free from that. My trauma is still impacting my relationship now. I have massive trust and doubt issues. I want to overcome them so desperately but can’t navigate through jt. It’s hurting my current partner and making my worry and anxiety unbearable to a point I can’t eat sleep or work properly.
I can’t fathom how I can trust another human or how my abusive partner wasn’t right about everything he said and that I deserved it all.
Hi @HollyJade14
I'm really sorry to hear about the pain you've been through because of domestic violence. It takes so much strength to break free from that kind of situation, and I think you're incredibly brave. It makes total sense that the trauma you went through is still affecting your current relationship, and causing you to struggle with trust and doubt. Overcoming these challenges can be really tough, but I want you to know that you're not alone.
Getting support from a therapist or counsellor who specialises in trauma can be a really helpful way to work through these emotions. They can give you guidance and strategies to help you rebuild trust and manage your worries and anxiety.
Please remember that you deserve love, respect, and happiness, and with time and support, you can heal and create a healthier future for yourself 🩵
Jem7Cups
@HollyJade14 three years ago I got out of a 17 year domestic violent relationship and I found out recently that I’m dealing with trauma bonding. I can’t let my Abuser go it’s hurting me knowing he moved on so quick question myself if he really did love me and why did he do the things he did, why does he treat somebody else better than how he treated me we all question we’re all confused it’s crazy isn’t it?
I resonate with what you say so much. I think I spent most of our 17 years together in a trauma bond. No matter what he said or did I would forgive jt and somehow justify it that he had a good reason or I had caused it. That if I was better and pleased him more he would change and that if I loved him harder he would love me back. But I have been out 4 years now I still having terrible trust issues and bad dreams and doubt everyone and everything and peoples motives.
I think I would have found it hurtful if he had of moved on. Did you have any kids? I never wanted my kids to have some random in the picture.
although I would have chosen him to move on and be happy with someone over taking his own life.
I moved on and I am happy for some parts but the last 12 months have been ***. My trauma therapy has brought up so many issues and forced me to deal with them which has meant reliving them. So my current partner suffers all the emotional mess that comes with that.
do you have the option to get some trauma therapy. It’s intense but I think necessary. i have found talking on here helps but that our issues are so deep quite a few people find them triggering and can’t offer help. Which I understand
I hope you can heal and find peace that you are worthy of love and most likely he did love you and what you brang ro the relationship. It’s possible that If he was a narcissist that he didn’t love himself very much and that makes it hard for him to think of you and your experiences.
sending you love and healing
I’m so sorry to hear that you have been in an abusive relationship for 17 years, and so happy that you are free.
It takes time, maybe years to heal from this.
You are probably hyper sensitive to many things in life and in a relationship, which is very normal. Your body and brain are sending you signals/alarms to protect you. Those alarms are very very sensitive and probably go off when they don’t need to.
Your partner has to accept that you are in recovery. I agree that it would be great to get therapy support and if that is not possible to connect with a group in person or online to get support. Talking with others who have experienced what you have can be very comforting .
Your partner may say that he/she understands and may want to but it’s really not possible to fully get what you are going through.
Your priority is you now. You need to heal and give yourself the time and space to do that.
All my best wishes to you
Thanks so much! ♥️ I guess I didn’t expect it to take years… that I could just be free and be ok. It’s been 4 years already and the last year has been the worst.
I spent most of my 17 years keeping my life a secret to keep myself and my kids safe and that meant not talking. Now I’ve had to learn to talk and process and it’s been so much harder than I ever expected. It made it real. When I was hiding my life I could somewhat pretend it wasn’t real. Now that I need to heal and want to have a normal relationship I have to talk and make decisions and you are totally right my partner doesn’t know what it’s really like. He tries but gets very frustrated.
I need better strategies for when I am in panic and anxiety meltdown mode. So that I don’t take it out on my partner.
thank you again for your kind words!
I think what i would’ve done if i were in your shoes is open up to my partner about the past, and ask for some space until you can heal easily. If he truly loves you, he’ll understand and respect your need of privacy to heal from the past.