Perfectionism
Does anyone else feel like they have to shine brighter than their mind will allow them to? I feel because I’ve always been naturally good at getting good grades I have to uphold that through high school. I hate every piece of it because I feel like past that I have no idea who I am. Now I think if I’m not number one I’m nobody. Why does anxious perfectionism feel like being swallowed by an ocean and you don’t know how to swim?
@Orionchronicles
Hi there
Good grades are very useful. You'll find that they open many doors and oppportunities in life.
But you're right, they are not all there is to life. And it's very normal to start questioning these things in latter school years. As children we are given certain beliefs by our parents. One might be "Being the great in class is really important". But as we get older, we begin to question these beliefs and decide for ourselves, what we believe in. And this is all about finding who you are.
It sounds like you have some uncertainty about who you are and what you believe in. This is OK. It takes time. It also sounds like you might be angry that you have been set up with a belief that you must be the best, and that it doesn't feel quite right for you. This too is OK. Anger is a motivator for change. I wonder if you have been taught how to manage feelings and how to use them to advantage? It's very common for education to focus on reasoning intelligence and miss out on emotional Intelligence and you might like to look into whether studying and developing emotional Intelligence might fill a gap for you.
I hope you'll find that life is about learning who we are. It's a long and interesting journey. Who you are might change along the way. Enjoy exploring.