Relapsing from anxiety to depression
TRIGGER WARNING
Due to my mother’s medical emergencies since January I’ve been primarily staying at my parent’s house and then added my Uncle’s needs into the mix because he ended up in the hospital and rehab since February. Initially the joke was I don’t have a home but a bedroom in 3 different houses/locations. During this time I’ve had issues with my anxiety cycling. Old behaviors that were under control showed back up like binge eating. I also have a diagnosis of MDD and some of my symptoms overlap. My positive coping mechanisms and making sure I was staying hydrated, getting sleep, and eating 2 meals a day worked short term. I binge eating during at night when no one can see me do it.
I’m to the point that I’m not sleeping, not caring if I’m binge eating, not eating during the day, wanting to cry at the drop of a hat, and my rock bottom coping. I was treated for “cutting” in the past because of the degree and self-harm I inflicted on myself from scratching. I’ve started scratching. At first I accidentally scratched myself in a vulnerable spot and it felt good. I’ve intentionally sought that spot again to “scratch”. I’m fighting this urge to scratch.
I know what the cause of the anxiety and depression are but there isn’t a lot I can do about it. Finding time for self-care is hard and then when I have the time I want to do something mindless. I’m tired of pretending everything is okay and that I’m coping just fine.
@Memee4life
You are doing OK. Not just pretending. It's OK to have a bad patch. It's OK to collapse and do something mindless. And it's OK to have a relapse.
I know it feels anything but OK. I've been there enough times to know that. But it is most definitely OK to do whatever gets you through that moment. And most definitely OK to not do what you "should " be doing. Stuff those shoulds. You know better what you need.
I hope today is finding you better.
Thank you for reminding me to boot the “should”!
It sounds like you need the most powerful coping mechanism doctors drugs. Second generation anti psychotics (sounds bad but if it reasonably safely calms extremely excited at high doses provides calm safely at low doses) will make you sleepy enough to get 7 hours.
Mood stablizers or anti anxiety drugs would hopefully get unhealthy coping mechanism under control. Once you have most powerful coping mechanisms doctors drugs and sleep you can add in exercise.
I am not a doctor but have had help.
I’m on the drugs which control things 95% of the time. It’s that 5% that has gotten out of hand lately. Staying at my Uncle’s for a couple days was the reboot needed; even though I was dealing with his medical care and bills. The responsibility level is much lower while he is in rehab recovering from surgery. And the girlfriend may have been drinking but didn’t get drunk. She is a mean nasty drunk.
@Memee4life
thank you for trusting me with this. It sounds like you're going through an incredibly tough time, and I want you to know that your feelings are valid. You're dealing with a lot right now—family emergencies, anxiety, depression, and old coping mechanisms resurfacing—and that's a heavy burden to carry. Remember, you're not alone in this, and reaching out for support is a strength, not a weakness. Consider talking to a mental health professional who can help you navigate these feelings and develop healthier coping strategies. Be gentle with yourself, and try to prioritize small acts of self-care whenever you can. Your well-being matters, and there is help available.
