Struggling to survive with anxiety
I suffer from extreme social and general anxiety but I force myself to do daily activities. My job requires me to speak in team meetings every week which is absolutely debilitating to my mental health and they probably notice I have really bad anxiety because my voice and hands shake while I'm speaking but I still try and force myself to pull through. Furthermore, my anxiety causes me to have severe brain fog and lack of focus and I struggle to listen to others in meetings so I often have to ask them about things again after the meeting and write things down. I can't keep track of all my tasks so I constantly have to make notes to what I've done, where I have stored files and what they're for.
I have just turned 25 and I honestly don't know how I have survived this long in life, I was probably meant to die of a heart attack long ago but somehow my body was just too stubborn to do so. I hope the rest of my life isn't like this and if it is, I'm not entirely sure I want to keep going.
Hi, I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I used to have similar issues, specially the part of speaking repeatedly does sting, because it felt pointless, and I resented that people around me who were good at it never spoke up nor listened.
I feel like maybe speaking to someone in your company about how to deal with this might help?
It's an annoying practise done by companies, but it's a necessary evil. From the sounds of it, despite your anxiety you do make an effort, and I'm proud of you for that. People who put effort in their work sincerely are heroes in my eyes.
And as far as doing this for the rest of life,no, it does become easier. Atleast more bearable. So please don't give up, and please don't hesitate to reach for help if it feels too much sometimes.