Uncertainty?

Sometime ago, I felt so good that I started to feel bad.

Now, there is a shake in my self-esteem. My mind replay mistakes I had made, things I feel uncomfortable with to riddle me with anxiety.

Perhaps it says I don’t deserve.

Perhaps it say I’m not good enough.

My mind does not believe so but my emotion says so.

How do you defeat an inner demon you could barely recognize?

I cannot fake it till I make it like the old tales from inspiration speakers. I tried it. It got me this far but no more. I am so wearily. If I try again I might just crumble.

In the stillness of my anxiety, I feel this sense of yearning. Something beyond. Something I cannot understand. Something just at the edge, teasing but out of my grip.

It is something I have yearn all my life. Anxiety reminds me. Depression reminds me. Whatever it is, it always lurks behind the veil off in the distance when the bad feeling settled and slithered around me feet.