When things look bad again,

Hi all!

So I actually haven't been on here for a while. I've been really good in terms of mental health! (Yay!) I made a new friend who is honestly possibly my platonic soulmate and I've found a good balance for school, work and a social life (never thought I would ever WANT to socialize). I've also gained a lot of co fidence from school and work and just being around the right people. Thanks to them, I'm almost about to graduate!!!! From the last time I used this app, I'm doing much much better and im proud of myself and all that I've been able to achieve and overcome. Even if it was all in my head.

Now, what brings me back here is that I almost had another panic attack during my last presentation. It's not necessarily the presenting part since I know all my classmates and the prof is actually a mental health teacher and is very supportive. However, it was the fact I wasn't presenting when I expected to, I was presenting one of last spots. I don't know if it was the unexpected change of plans or if the dread was just building up the whole time (about 4 hours before it was my turn), but I was really freaking out internally. I could feel my heart beating so fast and I had to really focus on my breathing. Even when I went up I was so nervous, I bearly remember what I even said. But I did it.

So this to me felt like a big step back from the progress I've been making on my own. In the moment I felt bad about it and thought I couldn't have done well. But as I reflected I realised that I handled the situation as someone I would've admires all those years ago. When I knew I was getting panicky, I started my breathing techniques almost without realising it. When being around people felt like too much, I stepped out in the empty hallway. When I didn't know what to do without spiralling I chugged a bunch of water. When I didn't feel prepared, I reread my notes and realised that I knew my stuff and there was nothing more I could do. When I finished my presentation and went back to my seat my classmates and some girls I bearly knew encouraged me. This made me realise that not only have I learned how to deter my anxious spiraling thoughts... I've also established a great support system that will reassure me and help me when I'm not sure how to help myself.

This post is really long, but I feel it's always important to reiterate that even when things seem to be getting bad again, things will look up. Just take a look at the progress you've made since your Day 1! You can do it! I'm cheering you on!

Thanks y'all!