Im terrified (possible TW)
I love the outdoors, I love nature, I love everything about it. But 3 years ago after a very traumatic experience (near death for me and my children) I do not trust anybody. I don't want people near me. This has been getting increasingly worse and yes I'm getting help through my doctor but I'm currently weaning off my meds to start new ones. Since the pandemic, I have only left the house a handful of times and since Christmas I don't think I've left at all. I can't even go to the car without suffering a huge attack and then I claw at my arms and legs. Even writing this about going outside is making me feel sick. I know I need help. My OH tries to support me, in his own way, but sometimes does more harm than good. Anyway, rambling on.... I am terrified of leaving the house. Of my children leaving my side. I'm always on high alert for danger and this year I've been able to keep them by my side, in the house, safe as we can be (I have alot of house protection and precautions) My problem is on 8th March my son will be going back to school and I'm so scared. Not only will he be away from me, but I will have to go outside..... And I dont know if I can....im not sleeping cos I'm worrying about it and noone seems to understand how hard it is right now. All I get told is 'oh it will be OK' 'you'll be fine once you're out' But what if it isn't, what if I'm not fine..... What if my kids aren't fine. I live my life in constant fear, don't worry I get told all the time I shouldn't, but it's hard to switch it off. Just kinda need to know I'm not alone here..... Thanks for reading x
Perhaps you could get your child a phone and put a child’s gps tracker on them. I’d get yourself a trained protection dog. I’m in a similar situation. I do not leave my house I don’t even open my front door most days. I should but I can’t. Husband doesn’t understand it’s a legit struggle. You are not alone. I also have some protection at home. What my husband does to try and help me is he brings us to the mountains literally I don’t see anyone up there. I for my own comfort I carry a knife and we usually have weapons with us because we hunt. I’m gonna be Forreal with you. If you feel safest in your home why not stay home and homeschool ? There’s places like WAVA K12 they are a home based school it’s free and convenient. For me my life is staying home and the mountains. I’m happy without seeing people besides my direct family. If this is what makes us feel safe who are they to take our safety from us?
@ambitiousSailboat2353 it sounds like youd rather have that feeling of safety outside and not just in your own home everyone wants to be where they feel safe but you have the power to change where you feel safe - conditioning has created this fear through associations and using conditioning you can make new associations and not have that fear, and its something you can do completely by yourself, its called Systematic Desensitization you create a fear heirarchy and pair relaxation techniques as you progress through your heirarchy heres an article about it > https://bit.ly/2yUhPbg
this website has detailed instructions by a therapist how to do this therapist created the site its all free info about SD and free ebook https://web.csulb.edu/~tstevens/Desensit.htm