Circles of Control, Influence and Concern
You might be familiar with the "Circles of Control, Influence and Concern"
The whole big circle is the "Circle of Concern", which includes all the things we are concerned about.
The "Circle of Control", includes the things we can control directly, such as our decisions, our self-talk, exercising, eating healthy, what we do in our free time, the films we choose to watch, the books we choose to read, the hobbies we cultivate Also our reactions to significant events in our life. Etc. The "Circle of Control" includes mostly things we do with ourselves.
The "Circle of Influence" includes things we can't control but we might have some influence. For example, our health, including our mental health (we can do things to improve it, but we don't determine it 100%), persuading others (if we are successful, which is not the case most of the time). Some things we have no individual control but can have an influence if many people do it, like voting (a small influence in politics), or recycling (contributes a tiny bit to protect the environment), etc. The more focused and active we are in our Circle of Control, the more Influence we have on things that matter to us.
The last "No Control" area includes all things over which we don't have any control, like our past, the opinions and behaviors of others, the economy, the weather, natural disasters, etc.
The more focused we are on our Circle of Control, the stronger and better we get.
Spending much time worrying about things that we can't control, might increase our anxiety.
- Which things, that are important to you, are within your Circle of Control?
- What things that you can't control, you would like to Influence, and in which way?
- What things you can't control you spend time worrying about?
- What proportion of your time and effort you spend on each of these three "Circles"?
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Which things, that are important to you, are within your Circle of Control?
- reading, art
- What things that you can't control, you would like to Influence, and in which way?
panic attacks, depressive times - What things you can't control you spend time worrying about?
if people like me or not - What proportion of your time and effort you spend on each of these three "Circles"? I spend lots of time overthinking
@tallWalker4850
Hi, Walker!
You seem a very clever, educated and sensitive person!
I love reading and art too...
Art and books are very powerful for improving our mood and helping us get stronger and healthier.
You might establish a routine for reading and doing art. Like some days at specific times, set a goal of reading or drawing for at least 15 minutes.
Keep a drawing journal, where you can express your feelings, even those dark times and scary panic attacks.
Art helps process these things in ways that help the mind to heal.
When you find yourself overthinking, pick a pencil or a pen and a piece of paper and write down and draw your feelings and thoughts.
"Download them" to a notebook or a sheet of paper.
You can show your artwork in the Hobby Zone community here:
https://www.7cups.com/home/hobbyzone/
And later, might be in online communities like DeviantArt, etc.
So you will interact with like-minded people that appreciate you for who you are.
If you can, join art classes or book clubs in your community.
Same idea, meeting like-minded people.
I wish you the best in your path.
Please come back here soon.
All the best!
Marcelo.
@HealingTalk,
thank you! I love your ideas! I will try them! Thank you so so so much!
@tallWalker4850
Oh! I am so happy that you liked them!
Thank you for your kind words!
I hope to see you again soon around here...
Just had a severe anxiety attack . Trying to talk myself down.
@Curlyheart
Hi, Curlyheart!
Thank you for coming here! ❤️
I am sorry you had such a severe anxiety attack.
Could you finally calm yourself down?
Please tell us how you are doing.
I wish you all the best.
See you soon!
Marcelo.
@HealingTalk
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Which things, that are important to you, are within your Circle of Control?
- Work, school, family, the time I can put into my relationship, some of my daily priorities.
- What things that you can't control, you would like to Influence, and in which way?
I can't control the fear responses and anxiety about how my loved ones would respond if I were to do certain actions or say certain things that have caused negative and traumatic reactions in the past. For example, I would like to influence my boyfriend to be more patient and understanding instead of holding his frustration and impatience against me for being busy and exhausted. - What things you can't control you spend time worrying about?
I can't control other people's thoughts and feelings towards me and everything about me. I also can't control when my trauma and emotions spike in stressful situations that trigger them. I feel like I also can't control the tasks I do for others taking time away from stuff I want to put time in such as taking care of myself and spending more time in my relationship. - What proportion of your time and effort you spend on each of these three "Circles"? I feel like I spend more time on the things I can't control than spending time on the things I can control.
@goldenOwl8090
Hi!
Thank you for checking in!
Despite having so much anxiety, you have good bases of support to help you in your life.
A boyfriend, a job, your studies, your family, and your own personal things.
It seems that attending all those make your life a bit hectic.
I can imagin how scared you might feel about negative reactions from people you depend on a lot emotionally.
You might try to balance that dependence among things, and work on yourself to be more self reliant.
So not to depend so much on your boyfriend's reactions, for example.
You need to reserve some time in your schedule to work on yourself.
Schedule it at the same level of importance as work or school.
Set goals, like 15 minutes minimum of journaling or stretching and schedule them as high priority.
Work on yourself to get stronger and healthier, so you will feel less anxious and depend less on the opinions thoughts, and behaviors of other people.
Work on yourself.
You deserve it.
I wish you all the best!
Hope to see you again soon around here.
Marcelo.
@HealingTalk Thank you for your kind words, support, and advice, it is really appreciated. I will definitely try those out for myself.
@goldenOwl8090
You are much welcome!
I am happy that you found those words supportive and useful!
Please keep coming back.
All the best!
Marcelo.,
Thank you for checking up I think aniexty for me comes unexpectedly and sometimes I try to control it
@YesImaWomen
You are welcome!
I hope you get more and more skillful at getting your anxiety under control.
This thinking tool of "Circles of Control" might be of help,
I wish you all the best!
See you soon!
Marcelo.
@HealingTalk
Which things, that are important to you, are within your Circle of Control? How I choose to express myself, my attitude, not taking as much caffeine (although it seems like it's hard to resist and i keep thinking it'll be different)What things that you can't control, you would like to Influence, and in which way? I would like to influence my mental health in a positive way. I'd also like to positively impact my wellness when it comes to my stomach ulcers. thank you for putting this in perspective.What things you can't control you spend time worrying about? Other people's health and wellness
What proportion of your time and effort you spend on each of these three "Circles"? i worry every day all the time but this is actually very helpful and i hope to remind myself of this when in need
@charmingSky59727
Hi!
Thank you for coming here!
I am very sorry for my delay in answering you.
You are right that caffeine is a big promoter of anxiety. It's great that you have identified this problem, so take appropriate measures.
I was a "coffee addict" most of my life, which brought me many problems, including that (also headaches, stomach burns, painful muscle stiffness, insomnia, excessive appetite, high cholesterol...).
I now drink tea instead of coffee most of the time. And it works.
With time you get used to it.
I feel more relaxed and calm and can sleep better.
From time to time I do take an expresso coffee as a "gourmet" treat.
You certainly have under control the coffee addiction.
I am glad that this post has helped you realize that.
All the best!
Marcelo.
My anxiety is on d***th and the fear of it. How does this app expect me to be able to answer or reply to ANYTHING asking for help if every time I try to bring up these anxieties it blocks out what I'm saying telling me "it sounds like you're in crisis". NO, I'M NOT IN CRISIS!! I Have really bad d***th anxiety and I can't tell anyone about it!!
@XAngelRuneX
The chat censoring software is a mindless system that reacts to the presence of words, and can't understand the meaning of what you are saying.
Fear of death is a lot healthier than its denial.
We have a limited time to live, we will die at some point, and this is a hugely important thing that defines our lives.
We are the only lifeform that it's conscious of this. Other animals (not to mention simpler lifeforms) don't anticipate their death. They just die someday. They might suffer pain at that moment, but not the fear of ceasing their existence.
So your anxiety is very justified, and a sign of consciousness of a gigantic reality that most people deny.
The challenge is what to do with this. How to live our lives knowing this. So that at every moment we feel we are doing the right thing, given that someday we will cease to exist.
This might not be "fun" at all. Your concern is genuine and authentic.
I wish you all the best.
Marcelo.
The things I can control has been my least priority, eating sleeping just feels like a necessity to survive, I try to practice some bass (which I've don't for 10 years) to stop worrying so much, but it ain't helping
The things I can't control is how my friends and family feel, a lot of people are so tired and busy with their own life. So if they could be less tired and busy i would like to change that.
My worries circulate mostly around my boyfriend being abroad, and if my friends really want to be with me.
Things i cantrol, I spend maybe 1% of my time
Things i can influence is maybe 20%
And our of my control is the rest.
Overall I just feel like my speration anxiety and bad habits from mental absuive from previous relationships (both friendly and from exes) is just destroying my everyday.
I always feel like people will leave me, and they are, I'm been so anxious and depressed for so long people just don't want to listen to me anymore. It Hurst to hear , I dont want to talk or not now.
Just sometimes i wished i had somebody there.
Family ain't an option, my mum is going though a divorce and is really depressed herself. Dad is a dad, with no emotions.
I want to trust people and be confident.
Usually I hide my feelings for a few hours to not bother people, but it gets to much and I explode.
I'm destroying my own life, I know it.
I try to change, but the feelings are so intense sometime.
The shivers, the heartbeats, the chattering of teeth. Even if my mental is stable my body says no, and it goes both ways.
I'm just so tired.
I am sorry you feel so bad.
You have very clear the roots of your problems.
This is a great step forward.
For example, you can focus more on things that make you stronger.
This might help much to deal with painful things you can't control.
You might find in 7 Cups many sources of support, in these forums, in Sharing Circles, in other Group Support chats and sharing your issues with Listeners.
Stay connected as much as possible, here and in "real life", and work on yourself to get stronger.
This might be a temporary crisis with so many important things out of whack in your life now.
Things will get better in due time.
I wish you all the best!
Sec you soon!
Marcelo.
Everyone wants to be the sun that lights up your life, But I will be your moon that shines during your darkest hours.
@Earther
How lovingly, wise, compassionate and moving!
“which things, that are important to you, are within your circle of control?”
exercising such as walking every day, taking some rest, cooking (although i've been struggling with phagophobia these days) and breathing exercises.
“what things that you can't control, you would like to influence, and in which way?”
managing anxiety, maintaining cleanliness in my surroundings. i want to control my panic attacks asap to avoid it from giving me more worse symptoms during an episode. and keeping places clean by using tools such as broom and mop.
“what things you can't control you spend time worrying about?”
upcoming panic attacks, the things that i've done before, upcoming body aches and sensations (which triggers my hypochondria), and accidents or problems in public places (like fire).
“what proportion of your time and effort you spend on each of these three “circles”?”
oh. like, 70% - 80% of it. i just can't help it because of my hypochondria and more phobias such as phagophobia and agoraphobia.
Which things, that are important to you, are within your Circle of Control?
Media I choose to partake in, keeping up with the house, food I eat and prepare.
What things that you can't control would you like to influence and in which way?
I wish I could influence people in my life and get them to recognize that their time isn't my time. I can't be available all the time, and I wish my inability to offer instant response wasn't taken to mean that I don't care. It's exhausting and makes social activity even more anxiety inducing, because I feel the need to reassure and make up for my shortcomings in their eyes.
I also wish I could influence people's thoughts and beliefs on money and it's function/purpose. The economy can't keep working the same way, but it won't start to work differently until we shift our ideas on how to value things. It can't continue to rely primarily on man hours, automation is continuing to make that measure of value obsolete as a be all end all standard.
What things you can't control you spend time worrying about?
Whether God is good, whether God is real, that time isn't infinite and I can't do everything I could dream of, fearing that I will end up "stuck", worried that my husband made a mistake marrying me because I don't find him sexually attractive (I'm attracted to females sexually but always bonded better friendship wise with men), worried that old age will make my parents hard to be around (more open statements about conservative views and general racist/homophobic religious remarks....not there yet, but based on husband's family could happen.)
What proportion of your time and effort do you spend on each of these circles?
I spend most physical time addressing things in my control, but while doing them the things out of my control bleed in with it, and take up the majority of my headspace.
