Circles of Control, Influence and Concern
You might be familiar with the "Circles of Control, Influence and Concern"
The whole big circle is the "Circle of Concern", which includes all the things we are concerned about.
The "Circle of Control", includes the things we can control directly, such as our decisions, our self-talk, exercising, eating healthy, what we do in our free time, the films we choose to watch, the books we choose to read, the hobbies we cultivate Also our reactions to significant events in our life. Etc. The "Circle of Control" includes mostly things we do with ourselves.
The "Circle of Influence" includes things we can't control but we might have some influence. For example, our health, including our mental health (we can do things to improve it, but we don't determine it 100%), persuading others (if we are successful, which is not the case most of the time). Some things we have no individual control but can have an influence if many people do it, like voting (a small influence in politics), or recycling (contributes a tiny bit to protect the environment), etc. The more focused and active we are in our Circle of Control, the more Influence we have on things that matter to us.
The last "No Control" area includes all things over which we don't have any control, like our past, the opinions and behaviors of others, the economy, the weather, natural disasters, etc.
The more focused we are on our Circle of Control, the stronger and better we get.
Spending much time worrying about things that we can't control, might increase our anxiety.
- Which things, that are important to you, are within your Circle of Control?
- What things that you can't control, you would like to Influence, and in which way?
- What things you can't control you spend time worrying about?
- What proportion of your time and effort you spend on each of these three "Circles"?
Which things, that are important to you, are within your circle of control?
School(that’s all I could think of)
what things that can’t you control, you would like to influence, and in which way?
the past, it has taken toll on me. Because of the people I probably have hung out with. I usually stayed with people who’s always mean to me and threatened to leave but I chose to stay because “oh it’s true, and the truth hurts” type of excuse.
what things you can’t control you spend time worrying about?
people leaving me
what proportion of your time and effort you spend on each of these three “circles”?
things that are out of my control
@HealingTalk
Which things, that are important to you, are within your Circle of Control?
My family, ofcourse, school, friends, reading rarely..
What things that you can't control, you would like to Influence, and in which way?
Overthinking is what I'm struggling with, and anxiety, maybe sceduling my time also, however, I'm still lost a bit about this topic.
What things you can't control you spend time worrying about?
Meaningless thoughts I create wich are making me believe that I might be a bad person for others, and thinking about not plesant things I would do to myself, maybe...
What proportion of your time and effort you spend on each of these three "Circles"?
To be honest, the most time is spend on the last circle, and I know I shouldn't, but I defenitly leave time for my control zone aswell, somewhere in the middle is missing a bit..
(How are you doing..?)
I need help relaxing
🖤
which things, that are important to you, are within Circle of Control?
work, exam
what things that you can’t control, you would like to influence, and in which way?
my gf behavior, i want care i want to not feel lonely not such a disappointment, i wanna be good not bad.
what things you can’t control you spend time worrying about?
my loneliness, my emotions and how my gf reacts to, my past i never can wash away and leave it behind me. the guilt i feel about my past and how it affected my relationship my mental health, i try my hardest to wash it away forget it fix things but it’s only getting worse, i dont wanna hurt her i wanna fix it be there for her for what i did, i say that i mean it i work on it but it’s just gets worse and its eating me alive, it’s burning me alive..
what proportion of your time and effort you spend on each of these three “Circles”?
things i can’t control…
Which things that are important to you, are within your circle of control? I honestly feel like i dont have control of much here lately
What things you cant control, you would like to influence, and in which way? Family understanding. Mom to not be negative about everything. Uncle to understand getting over anxiety isnt that easy. Last would be the panic attacks i would like to try to get control to where my HR & BP doesnt get very high so i can actually be out in public again
What things you cant conrol you spend time worrying about? What others think. Lately waking up feeling defeated
What proportion of time and effort you spend on each of the 3 circles? Lately it is the things i cant control, it seems i cant get my mind to stop finding all the bad with everything
I feel for you. It’s no fun being the age I am and going through this. I keep thinking I should have my life together at this age. I should be able to model to younger people how to handle things. And here I am looking for a role model.
The problem i think isn't of what i control or not, because anxiety has become a disorder with me, daily anxiety, it can be sized down: panic attacks gave me cardiophobia and thanatophobia which gave me anxiety , it is not that much bad because there are symptoms that i got rid off, but i still have intrusive thoughts and muscle tension that i feel i must get rid off.
Peace to all of you.
I can control me getting out of bed and dressed and out the door. I can’t control what the day is going to bring but I can control how I respond to it.
I can’t control my feelings of inadequacy and failure but I’d like to influence them through finding the truth of the feelings I have. I’m bombarded with feelings that often aren’t true statements. I’d like to be able to influence myself to not have those feelings or let them go.
I can’t control what the office is going to require us to do next or what a parent or student might say. I can’t worry about what will be said or asked of me next.
I spend way too much time on the out of my control circle and the influence circle. The control circle sort of is left to do its thing on its own. And I find myself wasting time worrying on things I have very little influence or power over.
I wish I could just be a robot for work. Be like Sheldon cooper or Spock and just focus and do the logical thing.
Which things, that are important to me, are within my Circle of Control?
I teach elementary school and am also subbing for sick coworkers. However right now there are a lot of sick coworkers and I am being shoved from one class to another. I never minded before but right now I am, so I should speak up more when I do not want to. I should also speak up to the (new) head of school about me needing him to show more leadership and have him make contact with the students parents (letting them know what is happening when the regular teacher is sick) instead of letting me sort it out and then giving me a tonguelashing it wasn't up to standards. But I have a hard time speaking up for myself also due to anxiety.
What things that I can't control, I would like to influence, and in what way?
To have our head of school actually take leadership so I won't have to figure things out myself. Also to have a lot less traffic on the roads so I get home sooner and actually have time to do chores or take time for myself.
What things I can't control I spend time worrying about?
How much time I loose by being stuck in traffic, what happens to a class I was supposed to teach but after being put infront of another will not and how it will affect the students and the teachingroster.
What proportion of my time and effort do I spend on each of these three Circles?
Most of it on things that are out of my control and because of it I lack the energy to take control of the things I can control or influence. I lack a lot these days and even students parents reminded me to take good care of myself otherwise there would be a massive problem. The fact that even parents see how burned down I am tells me I was doing too much for too long. If that didn't open my eyes my complete breakdown while talking to my teachingbuddy did. Luckily for me my teachingbuddy is also our direct superior so she will talk to our head of school on my behalf. Still, I don't like to cry in front of people. I never do in front of loved ones let allone my coworkers. This was the first time I actively started seeking job openings closer to home (I live in a small town but work in a big city). I was completely done.
Anyway, I decided to look how it goes for the rest of the schoolyear. If things don't change I will looking for something else. There are more teachingjobs than teachers where I live so it will be fine. I hope.
It feels a bit like ranting but typing this really took a lot of my chest. Tank you.
@Beetlejuice91
I am glad that this thinking exercise was useful to you.
It's a great thought model I think, to keep at hand for times of too much anxiety and confusion.
It orders things in a useful, actionable, healthy way.
Congratulations that you could take advantage of it!
All the best!
Marcelo.
Lately I've been riddled with anxiety. I just landed a new job which I like so far and am just starting out. I'm excited about seeing what happens but yet also get anxious thinking about the future and fear of uncertainty about what comes next after this. My biological clock is super off and have to adjust quickly as I out of fear I won't be able to function properly at work.
Sorry I needed to vent
@Brainhack249
It sounds like there's a lot going on, both exciting and anxiety-inducing. Congrats on the new job - that's a huge accomplishment. But starting something new is always stressful.
You're juggling a lot of different feelings at once. So it's understandable that you're anxious, but also excited.
7 Cups is a great place to share your feelings about all of it.
Venting is very healthy. You are welcome to vent here!