30 and feeling unlovable.
Sorry in advance if this topic is frowned upon here. Just wanted to express my anxiety for my dating experiences that seem to get worse and worse. I think I'm just ranting my frustrations.
I've never had a relationship longer than a month, and I've only had 2 at the start of my 20s. I don't know what to do anymore. I've lost hope and clearly I'm unattractive, awkward and not worth it for the couple girls I managed to get a first date with, which were god awful ones at that. One was so bad the girl knowingly walked past me without saying anything, sat down and was waiting to get the date over with. Clearly she saw my face and was disappointed. Another showed up 20 minutes late (probably on purpose) to avoid walking around a mall to get to know them a little, then settle in for a movie I offered to pay for. She shushed me during the commercials while the lights were on and I was so defeated I just sat there without saying anything for the rest of the movie. (I should have left both dates but my pathetic personality prevents me from having dignity). Both those dates I told the girl at the end I had a great time and wanted to try a second date. I'm actually pathetic.
Now at 30 I'm trying to do this garbage all over again. I cant create a profile or send messages without massive anxiety and tears. I'm in the 5% of people worldwide who still have their v card, and keeping mine isn't by choice. I cant talk to my friends about it anymore because I'm the oldest and everyone else has been more successful in their dating lives. I can't think of a word other than pathetic that describes me more perfectly. Should I just give up at this point and save some people a horrible first date? People always tell me to just get out there and it'll happen but I cant go anywhere feeling like this.
@MattyIcee although I'm older than you I don't have much experience in relationships and I also often feel unwanted and each rejection sends me down spiralling. Many people feel unwanted, sometimes even if they are in a relationship...
Last year I did a psychological assessment and was told I have an attachment disorder. Attachment patterns (you can look them up) are set in childhood. But they can reflect deeply in your present relationships or lack of.
Trauma also can have impacts.
Maybe attachment could be a topic you explore with your therapist? As sometimes it can help realise it's nothing to do with ourselves pee se but how we perceive attachments. I still have a long way to go it seems but it has started to explain some repetitive patterns for me.
Wishing you well!
I identify with this and am starting fresh in treatment.
@anonyLemon4233 I looked up Attachment disorder and the variants. I can't say I relate to this (Sorry you're going through that, it sounds awful). I never had issues at home or with my parents. I was bullied in school until my junior year in high school but that's about it. I don't have a therapist but I've tried a couple in the past. One of them didn't believe I needed therapy and he was right.
I'm just stuck in an endless loop of not being good enough for anyone and I'm not picky, I set my standards low but I always get taken advantage of. The anxiety of trying to better myself for my own benefit always feels like I'm still doing it for others just to accept me and it always fails. I'm to socially awkward that my body language kills the date before I get to know anyone and they judge me harshly. I cant even go through a match maker because my cheapest option is 5k so clearly only rich people are allowed to have professional help.
I'm always told that first I must see myself as good enough in order for people to see me. You cannot force the dating scene. If you were to spend money I'd suggest you get some practical sessions addressing the social awkwardness you mention and self acceptance.
May you find the goodness within you
I feel where you are coming from. I'm 54 and have tried very hard. It's scary and it hurts. Not doing well myself.
