Anxiety (TW just in case)

Anxiety can be like a bully; threatening and cruel.

The feeling of sweaty palms, erratic and raised heart beat, rising blood pressure, impending doom, anxiety tries to bring.

Sometimes it tried to fester inside if us, making it seem our hearts might explode from stress and the strain of intrusive thoughts.

It tries to bring pressure, pushing us to race through our day and the task at hand. It tries to rush us in every possible way, so that we miss the good things in life, and struggle to remember the innocent joy of those good things.

It may try to rob us of time, peace, and love.

It tries to sit over my being and drain me of all energy.

For me, it tries to weigh down my thoughts and rule my body and mind. It kind of leaves me feeling like the young girl I once was - seeking acceptance so badly, I'd do things I would have never thought I'd do. & the woman I have become and keep trying to be.

While I have and am still learning, to love and accept myself, the true me, I also long for deep meaningful, adult, connections- in person with "my tribe". Those people who will get me, and treat me like a beloved sister, and friend. Anxiety has made it hard to meet people in person, but I believe along this journey, I'll eventually be led to them- wherever they may be.

The process of change and trying to work through struggles can be uncomfortable and make us feel exposed and vulnerable.

But

I choose to have hope.

I choose to hold onto to hope.

The process of confronting mental health issues, or any issue, can be challenging and painful. Sometimes, incredibly painful.

At the end of a long day, sometimes I just feel the pain, longing, and even impatience rolled together into a storm inside my chest.

But I refuse to quit, I refuse to back down to the bully anxiety, a false accuser.

I endeavor to accept myself and a beloved Child of God, daughter of the King of Kings.

I endeavor to love myself, as Christ also loves me.

I endeavor to care for myself deeply and first, because I can't pour from an empty cup into those I love.

I refuse to give up hope. Because there is always, always hope, as long as we are living.

John 1:5

5The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

I don't know if anyone's told whoever may be reading this today, that you're loved; but you ARE. <3

When I see posts here and people bearing their deepest selves, I pray for you, all of you & I love you. <3 God loves you, also, never forget that :)

Today, I choose to remember & accept His love, and smile, even with an anxious heart. Even a little, goes a long way.