Anxiety and Trauma 20 year anniversary
As the title hints this will be 20 years since as of 30/04/2016 (a few hours from now) and also the single worst day in my life (I'm not comfortable with saying what happened publically yet) that will forever and always haunt me no matter how far I come in acceptence that it happened to me or even allowing myself to forgive the group that perpetrated this act, this could go over many thread/topic areas but I put it here due to the overwhelming increase in the anxiety of what when and how everything unfolded returns to my mind, while I begin to shake, pace, reply to nothing, well thin air (as no ones here, yet I do all the time; hallucinations; joy) and begin the tears that are drawn from deeper than any metaphor can expressall the while I know completely without a doubt that they can't hurt me again.
This is the biggest part of the old me that remains and I know I'll never be able to rid myself of, which is why i'm hopeful that someone out there doesn't see this as a big neon sign saying "don't go near him, he's totally screwed up" but see's me for who I am accepting this and my other noticeable major issues embracing them and myself with all the love that she wants and has to give and then some.
I'm so sorry today is a difficult anniversary for you.
You may still have some challenging moments because of your experiences, but these do not define you as a person. They are simply a part of the rich & majestic tapestry that is you. :)
Wishing you a peaceful day & sending hugs.
Oh Ink! How very difficult for you. Living with trauma is so hard and I am sorry. So many years by the calendar doesn't ever mean it's far away in your mind; listening to your words makes me realize that I'm not the only one. Trust the goodness that is in you, that allowed you to keep going. I send you peace and hugs.
@yellowOcean9053
Thank you for your kind words they bring comfort and are appreciated, yes all those days that are between it and now, don't even factor in to saying "it's safe now" even though it is, it still feels like the night harm was brought upon me even being Sunday night now (for me) it still hurts just the same. I'm finding out more and more as I give over snippets of my story that many are in the same headspace and to that I know I and we aren't ever alone, sending you peace and hugs (soft but manly ones)
@InkStainedFingers
Thank you Ink
@InkStainedFingers How ya doing these days? I was listening to the old old church bells ring out across my town just now, thinking of the many things they must have seen over the years, watching from a distance, safe in their tower.
I wrote just a bit out of my own pain and posted it in the poem on my feed, called "Healing". Do the words resonate at all? I am so cautious of sharing such things w others. And would have really been more truthful to call it "TRYING to Heal" but I was attempting to be positive 😀. Ahhh
At any rate - jus checkin on you. - Ocean
@yellowOcean9053
Hey Ocean, I'm doing better, had a few things take over my thoughts (for the better) yet it's all still a numbing experience (remembering) and like you certain sounds (bells and laughter) remind me of certain pieces that while fragmented reach the surface. I've started writing much longer ramblings in hopes it clears out my mind of the bad dark thoughts, usually it does, but in the moments that it doesn't I allow myself to cry effectively releasing the anger, deep sadness and eventually allowing me to forgive,
