Ball of self hatred

I'm sorry this might be long and typo ridden(phone keyboard)

I am 30 years old and disabled. Already no one believes me. It is mental. PTSD. The short of it is I was shot from behind while riding my bike in a drive by. I thought my brother had died for a moment and it screwed with me.

Now I have back problems. It hurts. I lay awake at night and cry in pain until my eyes burn and i pass out.

Drs dont believe me. They have MRI's that show scoliosis bone spurs and other bone malformations but I cant be in pain. The meds they give me dont work. (I take 12 pills a day)

I live off of social security disability. My brothers and mother live with me. (My house I bought it it's in my name) they dont work. They eat 5-6 meals a day and are gross. My mom has rheumatoid arthritis. But my brothers are fine. It has been 2 years without an interview.

They are always criticizing how I spend my money and mad that I cant afford more. Everyone says throw them out hit I cant. I mentally cannot force them out.

My dad is an alcoholic running from a DUI charge. And he demands I pay for cigarettes and other things.

All this and I went back to school. I'm at a 4.0. But there is more stress. 3 months it took to get my financial aide cause they said I wasn't getting anything but loans.

My school provides medical, IF you are CURRENTLY ENROLLED. I am desperately trying to get into the last summer semester before too late but cant get my money.

And I sit here and stare at the walls wondering why I have