Being hard on myself...
I am very much a perfectionist and have been since I was little. My mom has told that she recognized it in me from a young age. I started to become more aware of my anxiety and fears of letting people down about six years ago, during my second year of college. Between then and now, I have been to therapy a couple times and also been doing my own research to learn better coping techniques.
However, I still struggle with making mistakes. Any time I make even the slightest mistake - at work, at home, in regard to a friend or family member - I beat myself up to the point where I feel completely overwhelmed, worthless and useless. I know in the rational part of my brain that mistakes are not the end of the world, I can take responsibility for my actions and most people will be understanding of the situation. However, my anxious brain takes full control with plenty of negative self talk, emphasizing my fear of being a disappointment.
I want to have better control when mistakes come up. Any tips and advice would be appreciated in my pursuit to be nicer to myself. ☺️
@SammiB- I recognize my younger self in the quest of perfection. The one thought provoking word you repeated was mistake. So here I am with the dictionary- wondering the meaning of mistake. The one definition I will share with you is
"To substitute erroneously in thought or perception"
Maybe this will give you pause for contemplation- and be gentle to yourself as your life moves forward. Hugs and best wishes to you.
@SammiB- I recognize my younger self in the quest of perfection. The one thought provoking word you repeated was mistake. So here I am with the dictionary- wondering the meaning of mistake. The one definition I will share with you is
"To substitute erroneously in thought or perception"
Maybe this will give you pause for contemplation- and be gentle to yourself as your life moves forward. Hugs and best wishes to you.
@SammiB
I feel you as I used to do the exact same thing and you know what I realized? I focused way too much on the act of making a mistake versus what that mistake actually taught me. Keep repeating to yourself that you are your own worst critic and that there was a lesson in that mistake then focus your energy on finding that lesson and learning from it versus beating yourself up. Write down positive talk to tell yourself when you make a mistake such as:
Everyone makes mistakes and I just did. How can I grow from this?
I know I made a mistake and that is ok. Now, what lesson was there?
Write these down in a journal or put post-it notes on your mirror and go read them when you are beating yourself up.
I do the exact same thing too.
One thing I learned from a psychotherapist is that perfectionism is really just a nice way of saying shame-ism. Its shame.
For me, when I make a mistake, I feel that Im not allowed to exist anymore. That I have to constantly be perfect in order to earn my right to be alive, because otherwise I am worthless. This is shame.
Or at least this rings true for me.
I hope you eventually do find your path.