Big Move is making me overthink
I was really excited to apply for graduate programs in the fall. Especially international ones so I could get away from the hotbed of covid that is my country, and because I've always wanted to travel internationally. When I got in to an international school I was so excited. But then I found out my boyfriend had reservations he didn't bring up until I got in and it weighed on me. Now he seems to be coming around and feeling better about it, but suddenly I'm filled with terror every day about going. I'm scared I'll leave and my bf won't be able to come see me and we'll break up. I'm scared that he couldn't move to this country with me once he's out of school like was our dream because someone we know made a comment the other day that it's really hard. Im so scared that I'm no longer excited about things like looking at apartments online and getting my visa ready. Part of me just doesn't want to go at all. In my head I keep thinking maybe he was right, and our friend was right. Maybe I'm not ready to live away from everything and everyone I know. Rationally, that is kind of a crazy thing to do. And the fact that I'm having reservations like this makes me wonder if this really was the best decision. If you aren't 100% confident, you probably shouldn't move away from everything familiar, right? But also, I know when I initially made the decision I had no reservations whatsoever, and was dead set on doing this. I guess now the excitement has worn off, but the adrenaline hasn't.
I'm overthinking the hell out of this. I really just want to not overthink it, and not feel so sad and guilty about leaving behind my boyfriend when I move for school. We have a great relationship and I'll miss him a lot and look forward to times I can come home and we can be together, but I want to spend my time now being happy with my decision, not anxious and sad. I don't know how to stop overthinking this either, because this is a really big life decision where I need to be thinking about it. It's like I can't go a day without panicking about it all going wrong.
@casiopea3199
I don't know how long you've been with your boyfriend or what the nature of your relationship is. But, based on experience, I do know two things. First - take the opportunties you want. You may not always have them. Second - if it's meant to be, a relationship will last over long distance. It takes extra work, but it can last.
If your dream is to study abroad and maybe eventually move there - go for it. If your boyfriend loves you, he's going to want you to go and then he'll join you. It will hurt you both initially, and you'll feel like it was the wrong decision, but then you'll make it all work in the end.
