Break up
My boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me yesterday. We've been having a bit of a hard time recently. I've made some progress in my anxiety when it comes to relationships but I've still had a lot of doubts and insecurities and it's made my boyfriend feel like he had to defend himself almost all of the time. Because of this he also has always needed some space in the evenings, like an hour or 2 to just watch a show for himself, and I've been failing in giving him that. He's always been the sweetest and most understanding and most patient with everything, but this past month things just got too overwhelming because I didn't give him the time and space he needed for himself.
TRIGGER WARNING FOR THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE FROM HERE ON OUT
I feel so terrible and I just want him back. I feel no more reason to foght for anything anymore. Everything feels pointless now. He's been such an amazing help and support and motivation and I've come such a long way with my anxiety and insecurities while I was with him and now that I don't have him anymore I've just lost all will to keep going and keep trying. Last night I drank too much alcohol and took 4 sleeping pills in the actual hope not to wake up anymore but clearly, I did. I feel lost and overwhelmed and nothing seems to be making me feel better. I just want this pain to end and be happy with him again.
@Anxiousbean2310
One of the hardest lessons...and one of the BEST lessons I learned in life was when my fiance left me. We had been together for years. I thought everything was great. And then he was gone. He left and I actually had no clue he was upset, planning to leave, etc.
I was devasted. I honestly had never felt so much pain. I spent the next couple of days on a friend's couch, crying. Wondering what I was going to do with my life. Thinking that I was lost, I was nothing, my future was over.
But it wasn't. The whole event showed me something about myself. It was showing me that I had relied too heavily on my fiance for my self-worth. "How can I be happy if he isn't with me???" "How will I go on??" I got up and went to work. I made myself dinner, did my laundry, paid my bills. That's how I went on.
And then I started to realize that my happiness was all about me and what I could accomplish on my own. Not about my fiance. Yes, I loved him, and yes, I was happy with him. But I needed to find my own happiness outside of him - and really, outside of everyone else.
I think it was the first time I truly became independent, even though I had been living on my own, taking care of myself for some time. I started to feel stronger because I started to focus on myself. For once in my life I was choosing to care for just me, to love me, and to make me better for me - and for my future and for everyone else in it.
This is your time to start thinking about you. To find your inner strength, inner peace and independence. If the two of you get back together, then it will happen. If you don't, then your future will be different, with a new someone to share a stronger you with.
You're going to be okay. You are so much stronger than you know. We are all here for you.